Wedding Woes

I just need some guidance...

I have changed my wedding date a few times because of money. I want to get married to my fiance very very much but it is frustrating to the two of us because of money. We just can't afford an extravagant wedding, nor a budget wedding. I would much rather marry my hunny and have dinner afterwards. I'm at the point I just dont care whos feelings get hurt because I dont want to plan a big deal wedding. But that's just my problem... I CARE!!! I feel so unsure of what I want. I would like a beautiful wedding but I feel like I'm being pressured into a bigger thing. Like I said, Money is a problem. I also have a problem with asking for money for my wedding. I have had certain close people throw in my face that they helped my fiance and me with something and that they gave me money... it just gets messy. I feel like the whole happiness of getting married is being taken away from me.
This was mostly venting but I would like an opinion that is not of a family member or a friend. Please feel free to let me know what you think about my wedding woes.
With Amor

Re: I just need some guidance...

  • I think you and FI should sit down and really hash out what the 2 of you want for your wedding day memory.  Do you actually want the big dress, big wedding party, pictures, reception, 250 people?  Do you want a nice sit down dinner with a small guest list?  Something in between?  Figure that out.

    Then, if you really have no idea of prices in your area, start pricing the big stuff (venue, photography, catering) and start developing a budget for whichever vision you both want.  Then work out savings plan, then set date.

    Beautiful wedding doesn't always equal big wedding.  I've had a lovely time being part of a group of friends at an excellent dinner for 10 people (that included the B&G).  It's probably one of my favorite memories of these friends.

    Don't ask for money for the wedding.  If someone offers, great.  If not, save more money.
  • Exactly what Varuna said.  Sit down and think about what you want and what is important.  Then figure out how much that will cost and how much you can save.  Don't ask people for money.
  • DG1DG1 member
    Ninth Anniversary 5000 Comments 25 Love Its Name Dropper

    And by that, they do NOT mean that you should save for 5 years to have a huge wedding because you decide you want to please your mom. If other people are demanding expensive things that you don't want, they can either give you money for it or shut up. (And you are seriously free to decline any offers for others to pay for stuff that you don't want. One expense opens up the avenue to another expense. You can't serve beanie weenies with paper towels at a country club wedding without looking ridiculous, you know?)

    image
  • DG makes a good point as well.  Save for what you and FI want....not what anyone else wants.
  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_wedding-woes_i-just-need-some-guidance?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:47Discussion:1e893217-e3bd-48ff-96d0-8ec71e15f7f3Post:797e6193-3361-4a15-9d97-b3d6085cff55">I just need some guidance...</a>:
    [QUOTE]I have changed my wedding date a few times because of money. I want to get married to my fiance very very much but it is frustrating to the two of us because of money. We just can't afford an extravagant wedding, nor a budget wedding. I would much rather marry my hunny and have dinner afterwards. I'm at the point I just dont care whos feelings get hurt because I dont want to plan a big deal wedding. But that's just my problem... I CARE!!! I feel so unsure of what I want. I would like a beautiful wedding but I feel like I'm being pressured into a bigger thing. Like I said, Money is a problem. <strong>I also have a problem with asking for money for my wedding.</strong> <strong>I have had certain close people throw in my face that they helped my fiance and me with something and that they gave me money.</strong>.. it just gets messy. I feel like the whole happiness of getting married is being taken away from me. This was mostly venting but I would like an opinion that is not of a family member or a friend. Please feel free to let me know what you think about my wedding woes.
    Posted by gonzir[/QUOTE]<div>
    </div><div>you shouldn't ask others for money, at all. Based on your past experiences, you probably shouldn't accept money from others, either. If you're not willing to deal with the fallout/strings attached, don't accept any money. </div><div>
    </div><div>have the wedding that you can afford. If that means going to the JOP and going out for dinner afterwards, then do it. </div><div>
    </div><div>stop discussing your wedding plans with others. if you're paying then you are the only one who has a say. </div><div>
    </div><div>opinions are like assh*les - everyone has one and they usually stink. 

    </div>
  • Thanks all for the advice. This is what I needed. The advice from people I don't know which is a breath of fresh air. I definetly don't want to ask anyone for money because, yea... it just causes problems for us. My fiance doesn't want anything big, neither do I. My sister believes I should have the big party but I just think it's just money I'm going to be spending that I dont have. Basically what it boils down to is that it is our day and what we want most is just to be married and happy and that's what we are going to do. My FI and I have actually thought it would be a great idea to take what we would spend on the wedding and use it instead for a HUGE honeymoon. We are going to pick a place anywhere in the world and go. The money that would've been used to a big wedding will pay the expenses.

    Yesterday I was just so overwhelmed and you guys made me feel better today along with what me and FI have talked about. Thanks again :)
    With Amor
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