Why Bother With the Postage. help! my guests have no idea.

TriSarahtops82

enjoy that snack.....I'm glad youre not coming to my wedding, I doubt I'd be able to keep you fed!

And I really dont want to know about you and your husbands freaky pregnancy fetishes.....

That baby wolverine your carrying doesn't stand a chance....

Why don't you head over to The Nest, they set that site up just for hags like you, I promise, no bubbly happy Brides to be will be there to take away from your bitterness and swollen ankles. 

lrivard01

Listen, I have posted for other brides and TriSarahTops is right. It has annoyed me before that this is entitled "wedding Woes" but most of you are posting more appropriately for The Bump. Frequently I agree with your candid responses to "tell it like it is", the bride who refused to allow her MOH's handicapped sister bc MOH was going to have to devide her attention, Brides with inflated IL issues, Brides who's 3 day bachellorrette bashes end in a huff. But I fail to see why you who frequent these boards must respond negatively to every bride. That does not reflect any discernemnt or forethough on your part. New Brides with serious questions are not entertainment. Clearly no one's plans are as flawless as your past weddings, but you should be more tolerant of deviance between your weddings and others. There isn't a cookie cutter wedding, the beauty of it is that they are all unique.

I hope you realize that for the most part, Brides are after a good marriage, and that only begins at the wedding. I refuse to start mine in debt, and I refuse to do so without including family members. Even if they don't choose to come, At least they know we wanted them there.

lucyloo1002

A lot of doctors say that you shouldn't eat a heavy meal after 7 or 8, so I think that a "dessert reception" is a good idea for a ceremony that is that late.

My aunt (who was a wedding planner) says that the best way to figure out how many guests you will have is to divid the total number invited by 2 and add 25... I don't know how well that works, but she swears by it!   But if its getting close to the day and you're still not getting responses, you should find a way to get in touch with the ones that haven't let you know.  That's proper hosting ettiquette, I'm told.

Good luck!!

LnR70707

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_wedding-woes_bother-postage-guests-idea?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:47Discussion:35e5f7e1-430d-4bcb-9f81-4a33e054586fPost:e877a509-c91c-402c-a95d-60ca33946f88">Re: Why Bother With the Postage. help! my guests have no idea.</a>:
[QUOTE]Listen, I have posted for other brides and TriSarahTops is right. It has annoyed me before that this is entitled "wedding Woes" but most of you are posting more appropriately for The Bump. Frequently I agree with your candid responses to "tell it like it is", the bride who refused to allow her MOH's handicapped sister bc MOH was going to have to devide her attention, Brides with inflated IL issues, Brides who's 3 day bachellorrette bashes end in a huff. But I fail to see why you who frequent these boards must respond negatively to every bride. That does not reflect any discernemnt or forethough on your part. New Brides with serious questions are not entertainment. Clearly no one's plans are as flawless as your past weddings, but you should be more tolerant of deviance between your weddings and others. There isn't a cookie cutter wedding, the beauty of it is that they are all unique. I hope you realize that for the most part, Brides are after a good marriage, and that only begins at the wedding. I refuse to start mine in debt, and I refuse to do so without including family members. Even if they don't choose to come, At least they know we wanted them there.
Posted by lrivard01[/QUOTE]

Since I wasn't on last night, we are nice to the brides with serious concerns.  The one who was upset she couldn't find sites for handicapped brides?  The one who was thinking of calling it off due to job issues...hell, we were even nice to the handicapped hater twat until she pulled out that little jem.

My honest opinion of your situation is this...if you really know (or at least your FI should know) his family...this wouldn't come as a shock at all.  I knew DH's family was not so great at RSVPing on time, so we were prepared well in advance.  This is your mistake for not tracking down phone #s before the deadline.   I do think inviting that many OOT guests to essentially pay for hotels and a dinner themselves is tacky.  They probably haven't RSVPed because they don't see anything necessary (like a meal) to RSVP for.

lrivard01

We paid for the accomodations. But if they don't rsvp there is no way i can give them a room. That is something to rsvp for.

I clearly stated that you do give much needed, strait up advice. There is no denying that it is typically enveloped in  judgement about unrelated wedding issues (IE, how many guests I'm having, What I'm serving, How well I know FI's family.....). the issue is wether or not that's appropriate for this forum. There is a section for "Snarky Brides". There are 2 entire sister sites for you post-wedding-baby-blissed individuals. This is not the place for socializing. When I see "CAKE DISASTER" I had better be reading about a bride who's cake came with buttercream instead of fondant and is now melting pricariously in the summer heat (secret fear of mine). Not your six year olds birthday cake flavor.

Butter Cookie

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_wedding-woes_bother-postage-guests-idea?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:47Discussion:35e5f7e1-430d-4bcb-9f81-4a33e054586fPost:1c17dcad-4eff-4c3b-b499-13e9f401bc0b">Re: Why Bother With the Postage. help! my guests have no idea.</a>:
[QUOTE]We paid for the accomodations. But if they don't rsvp there is no way i can give them a room. That is something to rsvp for. I clearly stated that you do give much needed, strait up advice. There is no denying that it is typically enveloped in  judgement about unrelated wedding issues (IE, how many guests I'm having, What I'm serving, How well I know FI's family.....). the issue is wether or not that's appropriate for this forum. There is a section for "Snarky Brides". There are 2 entire sister sites for you post-wedding-baby-blissed individuals. This is not the place for socializing. When I see "CAKE DISASTER" I had better be reading about a bride who's cake came with buttercream instead of fondant and is now melting pricariously in the summer heat (secret fear of mine). Not your six year olds birthday cake flavor.
Posted by lrivard01[/QUOTE]

I'm sorry you feel that after someone is married they have no right to give advice to a bride. I'm also sorry that you so misunderstand the internet that you are under the impression that every forum on the internet is about the title and description of that forum. If you spend more time looking online or even watching the news you'll find that many forums online are not only for posts relating to the topics outlined, but also communities of people who get together and discuss other things.

awesome-sauce

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_wedding-woes_bother-postage-guests-idea?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:47Discussion:35e5f7e1-430d-4bcb-9f81-4a33e054586fPost:fe261ffe-b2ee-4673-b03a-2fb68c861394">Re: Why Bother With the Postage. help! my guests have no idea.</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Why Bother With the Postage. help! my guests have no idea. : <strong>I'm sorry you feel that after someone is married they have no right to give advice to a bride</strong>. I'm also sorry that you so misunderstand the internet that you are under the impression that every forum on the internet is about the title and description of that forum. If you spend more time looking online or even watching the news you'll find that many forums online are not only for posts relating to the topics outlined, but also communities of people who get together and discuss other things.
Posted by Butter Cookie[/QUOTE]

That's kinda like saying once someone gives birth, they need to get off the expecting boards and not give advice (or reality checks) to other expecting Moms. (That's weird for me to say right now, but true.)

Also, why do some continue to lurk/frequent the board if they hate the advice given so much? Sure, plenty of people on this board don't lurve me. Most aren't ignoring their husbands, they need something to do at work during slow times. Whatever floats your boat I guess.

lrivard01

Giving advice after you are married to brides: excellent use of experience.

using bridal boards to discuss totally unrelated topics, use brides for amusement, and unofficially take it upon yourself to impose a wedding expectations dictatorship... poor use of your free time. I'm sure more people would sympathise with your post wedding posts elsewhere. The Knot is for encouraging creativityand a marketplace of ideas and providing resources to brides. You are defeating both of these purposes. I don't care if that's how it is all over the rest of the internet. (and really... who isn't "familiar with the internet". If you aren't a programmer then get off your high horse, there's nothing special about commandeering chatrooms) I'm sure that the Knot would like to think of itself as something different and specific.

Barbie... that post at the top of page 2 is way weird. Who takes a snack break pre-nookie? And I would LOVE to point out that not everyone in the world (okay, 98%, literally do) is having sex with their fiancee. But if I were... no midnight PB&J would stand between us.

awesome-sauce

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_wedding-woes_bother-postage-guests-idea?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:47Discussion:35e5f7e1-430d-4bcb-9f81-4a33e054586fPost:b65538a4-49c5-4b3f-847a-b852ca1a193d">Re: Why Bother With the Postage. help! my guests have no idea.</a>:
[QUOTE]Giving advice after you are married to brides: excellent use of experience. using bridal boards to discuss totally unrelated topics, use brides for amusement, and unofficially take it upon yourself to impose a wedding expectations dictatorship... poor use of your free time. I'm sure more people would sympathise with your post wedding posts elsewhere. The Knot is for encouraging creativityand a marketplace of ideas and providing resources to brides. You are defeating both of these purposes. I don't care if that's how it is all over the rest of the internet. (and really... who isn't "familiar with the internet". If you aren't a programmer then get off your high horse, there's nothing special about commandeering chatrooms) I'm sure that the Knot would like to think of itself as something different and specific. <strong>Barbie... that post at the top of page 2 is way weird. Who takes a snack break pre-nookie?</strong> And I would LOVE to point out that not everyone in the world (okay, 98%, literally do) is having sex with their fiancee. But if I were... no midnight PB&J would stand between us.
Posted by lrivard01[/QUOTE]

Ahahaha, Barbie, be a good wife<em>y</em> and deny yourself and your baby food, UNTIL you have taken care of your H. You're so weird sometimes. <img src="http://cdn.cl9.vanillaforums.com/downloaded/ver1.0/content/scripts/tinymce/plugins/emotions/images/smiley-wink.gif" border="0" alt="Wink" title="Wink" /> 

If you're so hellzbellz bent on staying ON TOPIC, EI is the board for you.

Butter Cookie

Actually, I've said nothing negative to you and you're addressing your anger toward me. I merely pointed out that you're arguing a moot point.

psichick

i have to lulz at the newbies looking for puppies farting rainbows. 

here's a little tip for all you new girls on here.......when 10 people come on and say that your idea is rude, it is. it's not a matter of opinion, or a matter of taste. etiquette is etiquette and it's not debatable. we are not here to validate your ideas, we're here to tell you the truth. expecting your family to drive four hours for a piece of cake? rude. sorry but it is. if you had the money to pay for rooms for everyone you should have used it to pay for food for them instead. just because it's a wedding and "weddings are expensive!!!" doesn't give people the right to treat their guests like second class people. 

and as for the comments towards the already married brides? who else is going to come here and tell you that your ideas are rude other than people that have already been there and done it? if i'm pregnant and want to know about giving birth i'm going to ask someone who's already done it. this is the same thing. 

if you don't like the way that advice is given here or that your ideas don't immediately get validated there are plenty of wedding forums out there that will blow smoke up your ass and tell you how everything you want to do is wonderful and it's YOUR day so do whatever makes you happy, and no one else matters. i suggest weddingwire. com. 

reason00

What horrible responses...

That'll teach brides to post questions, lest they wake the married women posting on a wedding site.

The best advice I can think of is to contact those you can and ask if they're a "yes" response. The contacts you don't have, assume they will be coming. It is better to be prepared for more than less.

notquiteblushing

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_wedding-woes_bother-postage-guests-idea?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:47Discussion:35e5f7e1-430d-4bcb-9f81-4a33e054586fPost:1c815a35-1d9b-4659-a5aa-778e4cec598b">Re: Why Bother With the Postage. help! my guests have no idea.</a>:
[QUOTE]Thank goodness our own Ask Carley has already answered the dessert reception question: Q. I would like to have an evening wedding and then a really chic wedding reception at an art museum. Can I have a cocktail party (raw bar/hot and cold hors d'oeuvres, stationed and butlered/champagne station/ open bar with beer and wine) with a band, or do I have to serve a full reception dinner? A. It's all in the timing. You can have a cocktail party wedding reception , as long as you don't schedule it during prime dinner time, when guests (or at least guests' stomachs) will expect to be fed. Your options are early afternoon, for a light lunch or hors d'oeuvres wedding reception -- say a 2:30 or 3 p.m. ceremony, with the reception to follow and end before the dinner hour (say 6, 6:30), or late evening, with a cocktail or dessert menu (we're talking 8:30, even 9 p.m. for the ceremony). You want to stick with your etiquette tirade? Or is your experience with your one (at least I hope one. ) superior to that of the editor? Now. I have repeatedly thanked you for your advice. Everyone was totally right about the  RSVPs. And I Don't like the amount of guest I have either. I have to say that I could have been kinder, especially to Barbie. That was not nice of me. I get a little defensive about physical relationships (not getting any yet, which i am used to CONSTANTLY defending tooth and nail.) But If I take crap about what I'm serving at my reception, surely you can take whatever gets dished out about the way the forum is used.
Posted by lrivard01[/QUOTE]

As an unmarried person I apparently qualified to answer your questions.  No one is RSVPing to your middle of nowhere no food reception because they probably don't want to come.  Driving four hours for cake?  Not gonna happen.  If I was forced to attend said event I would bring a couple of pizzas and only share them with my favorite cousins.

As for what the knot says on those Q&As, yeah, they make money telling brides whatever they want to hear.  So yes, as a wedding guest, I know more than a self-interested web site.  You're welcome.

lrivard01

Thank goodness our own Ask Carley has laread addressed the etiquette question.

A.

It's all in the timing. You can have a dessert  wedding reception, as long as you don't schedule it during prime dinner time, when guests (or at least guests' stomachs) will expect to be fed. Your options are early afternoon, for a light lunch or hors d'oeuvres wedding reception -- say a 2:30 or 3 p.m. ceremony, with the reception to follow and end before the dinner hour (say 6, 6:30), or late evening, with a cocktail or dessert menu (we're talking 8:30, even 9 p.m. for the ceremony).

I'll consider that the last word on dessert receptions. Unless of course, any of you feel that your own wedding experience trumps that of the editor?

I have thanked everyone repeatedly for their valid and good advice on the rsvp's. Former brides advice is certainly welcome even if it may sting. But I do not have to agree with you at all. I am absolutely NOT a MY DAY bride AT ALL. Why celebrate a future of sharing and selflessness with a day all your own? that's stupis and pointless.  If i can take whatever unsolicited advice (OP was about rsvp and needy guests, not reception food and size of guest list.) you want to dish out, Then you can take the observation that your little club here is frustrating to some of the rest of us. 

I do owe Barbie an apology. the anonimity of the internet can make it fun to be a little more daring and snotty than anyone is in real life. I should not have said anything about your personal matters. I'm sorry.

notquiteblushing

Why don't you ask Carley if your wedding is going to suck?

awesome-sauce

Then you can take the observation that your little club here is frustrating to some of the rest of us. 

WHY do you return to this board then? <------------serious question.

lrivard01

I return because like I said, there's helpful advice, and there's sometimes not. And let's be honest, reading a little snarkiness is entertaining. Its not like It actually bugs me SO much that it makes blunt opinions any less valuble when you give them. It's called comparitive value. I actually enjoy myself here. But if a bride disagrees, so she does. I have an internet temper. Its way to easy to mouth off anonymously, Im sure I'm not the only person who finds themselves being a vicarious b-word.

And it IS frustrating. Some new blood is leaving because they don't fit in, and it doesn't seem like you're really willing to LET anyone in. I'm speaking for other ladies here.

Not-quite blushing: The knot makes money by advertising. By advertising weddings that raise the national average cost of a wedding to almost 22 thousand dollars. Telling brides not to serve dinner is actually at their cross purpose. I'm glad you are a wedding guest extroadinaire though. Good for you. I bet you even RSVP.

Butter Cookie

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_wedding-woes_bother-postage-guests-idea?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:47Discussion:35e5f7e1-430d-4bcb-9f81-4a33e054586fPost:8b547576-9235-4665-8a07-0cbf3cd6b252">Re: Why Bother With the Postage. help! my guests have no idea.</a>:
[QUOTE]Why don't you ask Carley if your wedding is going to suck?
Posted by notquiteblushing[/QUOTE]


TK needs a like button.

awesome-sauce

I bet you even RSVP.

I do. Carley would be proud.

Look, you're not going to change anyone, or their repsonses, by what you are saying. It is a waste of breath, or type. Each poster has a choice of whether or not to return to any particular board. The Knot has employees reviewing the boards all the time. If they cut off the boards from being OFF TOPIC, they would lose most of their posters. And when posters get tooooo snarky, they ban them to Mexico.

awesome-sauce

Edit to my last post: I guess I should say "Posters that try to go on other boards, because TK's IT dept sucks, get banned to meHico." Or that general theme.