How involved is your FI?

MinM

It really, really doesn't help that I am reading her screen name as Orange Moron.

6fsn

Tell you what, get into law school and work then you can really do things 50/50. 
The non-snarky: He's preparing for your marriage and your life together.  You are preparing for a day together.  Which is more important?  Cut him some slack and accept his help when he can.

6fsn

zilla- get out of my head.

MinM

Dude, H was preparing for his qualifying exams the summer  before our wedding. Was I all up in his cheese? Oh hallz no. I was like, babe - I'm going to talk to someone about a party. Have fun studying.

Why is she complaining? He is handling his schit. Lay off his johnson.

6fsn

Ha- might as well stay, there's lots and lots of room.  My brain hasn't had to do a whole lot of work lately.  The only thing floating around are dates for reading group, hair cuts, and meal plans.

6fsn

(The reading group is for 6let)

lisarose7

I work full time and go to school...FI works full time.  He has more free time than I do but I'm doing the bulk of the planning because he doesn't care about the wedding details.  He can't wait to get married, but he doesn't really care about the wedding itself.  I ask him for his input regularly, but when he tells me he doesn't care about something (the flowers, the venue, etc) I move on and plan without him.  When I need help, I ask my mom (she told me to ask her if I needed help).

Your FI is clearly busy, so leave him alone.  Go about the planning yourself and when you have choices narrowed down, ask for his opinion.  If he has an opinion about something he'll let you know.

[Deleted User]

IMO, most guys really don't care much about wedding planning. I have done most of the planning, errands, phone calls, etc. I try like heck to include my FI, and when I ask him something he says: "honey, I don't care, you decide or whatever you think is fine." I would just leave him alone and rely on the support of family and friends to help you with the planning.

pixiedust84

I sort of LOVE that cake topper

Chelsea124

to the original poster:

DON'T come here for advice. Most of the people here have been here for 1 yr+ and have gotten tired of giving nice advice, and have resorted to simply stating their snobbish opinions. They can be very mean. I posted a day ago and they attacked me too. I'm probably gonna get a lot of sh*t from them for posting this to.

just wanted to let you know!

liacin

Whew, didn't realize message boards about weddings could get so fiesty (guess I'm naive).

Here is what I think.  Marriage is about a couple spending their lives together, but in reality WEDDINGS are about the bride.  Think about it, it's all about the flowers, the dress, the bridesmaids dresses the script on the invitations, the china patterns.. etc.  Even the gifts are usually geared towards the woman.  Most of these activities are just of no interest to men.  

If your fiance doesn't want to help plan the wedding (which 99% of grooms I've known feel), you are probably feeling hurt like that must mean he doesn't care about you or something.. or getting married doesn't mean anything to him...

ON THE CONTRARY... Your fiance would probably be just as happy to go down to city hall and get married. It's you he cares about, not the wedding.

If you really want him to help, how about letting him plan activities that are of interest to him? Like hiring the DJ, or picking the cake (if he loves food).. That way you'll feel like he's contributing, but he won't feel like he is being dragged away from his busy schedule to pick out flowers or china patterns.

And just FYI.. we're getting married in 1 month and I've done 90% of the wedding planning because my fiance works 60 hours a week and I don't.  He has helped with the details that matter to him. He has helped plan the ceremony, pick out music, register for gifts, choose the venue, and some other things. I actually prefer it this way because than I don't have to worry about us disagreeing over things. He's giving input where he wants it.  Plain and simple.

Chelsea124

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_wedding-woes_involved-fi?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:47Discussion:8ed3a7ee-aa3d-4ac1-9a34-1fea0e9936e3Post:a62c06de-dcd8-4437-af23-46e8a7b38251">Re: How involved is your FI?</a>:
[QUOTE]Whew, didn't realize message boards about weddings could get so fiesty (guess I'm naive).
Posted by liacin[/QUOTE]

same here!

Butter Cookie

FI is only involved after I've narrowed things down.

Lapis blue or Sapphire blue?

Sapphire

This invitation wording or that one?

This one

This font or that font?

That one.

Cake or Death?

Cake Please.

We're all out of cake.

So my choice is "or death?"

katorigasuki

he's in his 3rd year of law school you say?  Do you realize he has the Bar exam coming up very shortly?

you're way out of line here.  if you're onlyl working part time, you should be doing the majority of the planning.  run ideas by him, sure.  but don't make him take time away from the most important exam of his professional life just to plan a stupid party.

Schmoopita

My husband is in law school. He barely has time to brush his teeth let alone plan a party. He makes the bed and vacuums every now and then. The rest of his time is spent studying and in school. When I'm making a decision I give him the choice between two and let him pick, if he cares. If not, I'll pick.

You're getting snarky replies because you are being totally unreasonable. Didn't you say in the original post you can be unrealistic? Yeah, you are.

baconsmom

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_wedding-woes_involved-fi?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:47Discussion:8ed3a7ee-aa3d-4ac1-9a34-1fea0e9936e3Post:314b4986-371a-449a-a5bc-b3bdb58f6440">Re: How involved is your FI?</a>:
[QUOTE]FI is only involved after I've narrowed things down. Lapis blue or Sapphire blue? Sapphire This invitation wording or that one? This one This font or that font? That one. Cake or Death? Cake Please. We're all out of cake. So my choice is "or death?"
Posted by Butter Cookie[/QUOTE]

<div>Yes, well, we didn't expect such a run on the cake. You're lucky you're Church of England!</div>

Butter Cookie

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_wedding-woes_involved-fi?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:47Discussion:8ed3a7ee-aa3d-4ac1-9a34-1fea0e9936e3Post:da44d684-42b6-4fc2-82a2-b05593a7c6f3">Re: How involved is your FI?</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: How involved is your FI? : Yes, well, we didn't expect such a run on the cake. You're lucky you're Church of England!
Posted by baconsmom[/QUOTE]


If I could like a post I would right now.

jesibride

Dear orangenmaroon,

My FI a local firefighter actually works much less than I do....
He is involved in every amount of wedding stuff but yes I am STILL doing most of the planning - this is why:

When it comes down to it, yes it's BOTH your weddings, but let's face it..if you FI were to pick out the wrong shade of black for his suit, you're not going to be too happy (just an example)

It's good for both parties to be involved, but it seems as though your fiancee has a lot of time constraints. Indulge him in weekly updates... or maybe you can gather quotes and send them to him to pick/give his opinion... Have him do some work that is quick.

Nothing is ever 50/50..it's impossible unless we live in a utopia. I'm sorry to say but thinking that work should be 50-50 is unrealistic.

I hope this helps.

Regards,