Wedding Woes

Family Problems.....

Firstly I have to say that I love my grandma very much, she's raised me since I was a baby. I wouldn't be successful today without her. And I love all the financial help she's giving me with my wedding.

That being said, she's driving me crazy lately! I still live at home. As the wedding gets closer and we buy and order more and more decorations (along with everrything else) it's starting to clutter this tiny house. I have it all organized the best I can, but everytime I pull out a box to work on something ( put favor boxes together, tie ribbons on fans, put invitations together, etc.) she gets SO mad. She yells at me and tells me I better clean it up. I can't remember the last time she really yelled at me. I can't help that everything is taking up so much space, and I always put it away!

Another problem is that while she is willing to help out financially, she doesn't want to get into the maual labor one bit. She gets frustrated every time I ask for her help, and says to call my bridesmaids. They are actually helping a great deal, and they have lives also, so they're not available every time I need them, which I completely understand. My grandma however refuses to understand that fact.

I've talked to my family and friends, and we determined that the bachelorette party is up to friends and bridal shower is up to family. I AM PLANNING MY OWN BRIDAL SHOWER. She won't even help with that one bit, other than handing me her credit card.

While she's always supported me through life we've never been close. I half expected planning my wedding together to bring us a little closer, but I should have known otherwise.

Ugh. Sorry for this long vent. Any opinions on how to change/deal with the situation for two more months would be much appreciated.
«1

Re: Family Problems.....

  • *Barbie**Barbie* member
    Knottie Warrior 5000 Comments 500 Love Its Name Dropper
    edited December 2011
    move out. 
  • Chelsea124Chelsea124 member
    10 Comments
    edited December 2011
    I am moving out June 1st, and counting the days. But it can't be any sooner that that.
  • edited December 2011
    maybe she's sad because you're getting married and moving away from her? Unless you want to move out now I think you'll just have to deal with it.


    image
  • edited December 2011
    Don't expect elderly family members to perform manual labor.
    image
  • loveshine1loveshine1 member
    Ninth Anniversary 5000 Comments 25 Love Its
    edited December 2011
    Elderly people should probably not be doing manual labor.

    You should be happy that she's paying for part of this extravaganza, and try to deal with it as best as you can.

    You're moving soon, so I'd just suck it up as best as I could.
    Image and video hosting by TinyPic
  • ReturnOfKuusReturnOfKuus member
    Eighth Anniversary 5000 Comments 500 Love Its Name Dropper
    edited December 2011
    What the.... what?  You're expecting your grandmother and bridesmaids to help with decorations and not the other person who's getting married that day, you are throwing yourself a party asking for gifts (yes, this is what a bridal shower is), and you're complaining about... something?

    This isn't real, is it?
    image
  • Chelsea124Chelsea124 member
    10 Comments
    edited December 2011
    She's not elderly, she's 53. My family has a history of having babies young.
    She had my mom at 16, and my mom had me at 17.

    And I don't mean intensive labor, I mean folding boxes, tying ribbons, putting invitations together, phone calls, etc.
  • ReturnOfKuusReturnOfKuus member
    Eighth Anniversary 5000 Comments 500 Love Its Name Dropper
    edited December 2011
    Generations of teen pregnancy too?  I'm officially calling MUD.
    image
  • Chelsea124Chelsea124 member
    10 Comments
    edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_wedding-woes_family-problems?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:47Discussion:d2570065-4c0d-472d-ae9c-fbcf6c82cf25Post:96bcb464-a5ac-4ba3-b13c-4ac275f8009e">Re: Family Problems.....</a>:
    [QUOTE]What the.... what?  You're expecting your grandmother and bridesmaids to help with decorations and not the other person who's getting married that day, you are throwing yourself a party asking for gifts (yes, this is what a bridal shower is), and you're complaining about... something? This isn't real, is it?
    Posted by ReturnOfKuus[/QUOTE]

    Nathan goes to school for 3 hours every morning then works for ten hours. He actually helps a lot as often as he can.

    Sorry but I see a bridal shower as a party your friends and family throw for you, not something you do yourself....
  • Chelsea124Chelsea124 member
    10 Comments
    edited December 2011

    Made up drama? really? how does this sound made up?? I just added that in to explain..

  • ReturnOfKuusReturnOfKuus member
    Eighth Anniversary 5000 Comments 500 Love Its Name Dropper
    edited December 2011
    It is, well, friends at least.  It's a faux pas for family to throw it.  So why are you taking your grandmother's credit card and throwing yourself a shower?
    image
  • Chelsea124Chelsea124 member
    10 Comments
    edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_wedding-woes_family-problems?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:47Discussion:d2570065-4c0d-472d-ae9c-fbcf6c82cf25Post:36675eba-7289-4c5f-a3ec-7dc4d2176fb3">Re: Family Problems.....</a>:
    [QUOTE]It is, well, friends at least.  It's a faux pas for family to throw it.  So why are you taking your grandmother's credit card and throwing yourself a shower?
    Posted by ReturnOfKuus[/QUOTE]

    I'm not! I was just saying that she has no problem paying for everything, but doesnt want to actually help with everything that needs to be done!
  • edited December 2011
    She doesn't have to help. That she's paying is more than enough help. She's not obligated to do either.

    MIL is thrilled you're joining the family. Image and video hosting by TinyPic
  • edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_wedding-woes_family-problems?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:47Discussion:d2570065-4c0d-472d-ae9c-fbcf6c82cf25Post:113b09e1-8573-421f-9302-6b8bee007847">Re: Family Problems.....</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: Family Problems..... : I'm not! I was just saying that she has no problem paying for everything, but doesnt want to actually help with everything that needs to be done!
    Posted by Chelsea124[/QUOTE]
    She's not obligated to! Not everyone cares about your wedding as much as you do. She's paying for it, which is awesome and more than she needs to do. give an old lady a break!
    image
  • Chelsea124Chelsea124 member
    10 Comments
    edited December 2011
    hmmm i don't know about you guys, but where I come from, its NORMAL for family to help!
  • ReturnOfKuusReturnOfKuus member
    Eighth Anniversary 5000 Comments 500 Love Its Name Dropper
    edited December 2011
    Normal, maybe.  Required, no.
    image
  • Chelsea124Chelsea124 member
    10 Comments
    edited December 2011
    she's not that old! She acts like she's thirty in everything else she does. She's more active that most mothers of people my age! There's no problem with her being tired, or unable to help. just wanted to point that out.
  • ReturnOfKuusReturnOfKuus member
    Eighth Anniversary 5000 Comments 500 Love Its Name Dropper
    edited December 2011
    We get it.  She just doesn't want to do it.  What you're not getting is that she's not wrong for this.
    image
  • baconsmombaconsmom member
    Knottie Warrior 5000 Comments 500 Love Its First Answer
    edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_wedding-woes_family-problems?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:47Discussion:d2570065-4c0d-472d-ae9c-fbcf6c82cf25Post:96bcb464-a5ac-4ba3-b13c-4ac275f8009e">Re: Family Problems.....</a>:
    [QUOTE]What the.... what?  You're expecting your grandmother and bridesmaids to help with decorations and not the other person who's getting married that day, you are throwing yourself a party asking for gifts (yes, this is what a bridal shower is), and you're complaining about... something? This isn't real, is it?
    Posted by ReturnOfKuus[/QUOTE]

    <div>Kuus, I love you. </div><div>
    </div><div>How old are you? You don't sound old enough to be married, sorry. </div>
    image
  • edited December 2011
    Are you carrying on the tradition of teenage pregnancy?

    Also, use grandma's credit card to pay someone to help. No one is obligated to help you unless you are paying them.
    image
  • Chelsea124Chelsea124 member
    10 Comments
    edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_wedding-woes_family-problems?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:47Discussion:d2570065-4c0d-472d-ae9c-fbcf6c82cf25Post:b46c9f7f-645c-4fe0-b20a-32756efe4ab7">Re: Family Problems.....</a>:
    [QUOTE]We get it.  She just doesn't want to do it.  What you're not getting is that she's not wrong for this.
    Posted by ReturnOfKuus[/QUOTE]

    If you're saying she's not wrong for this, then why are you even replying? I asked for suggestions, not ridicule.
  • ReturnOfKuusReturnOfKuus member
    Eighth Anniversary 5000 Comments 500 Love Its Name Dropper
    edited December 2011
    I'm replying because my suggestion (which you asked for) is for you to stop acting like an entitled brat.
    image
  • Chelsea124Chelsea124 member
    10 Comments
    edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_wedding-woes_family-problems?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:47Discussion:d2570065-4c0d-472d-ae9c-fbcf6c82cf25Post:9c8c8d96-3119-476d-90ac-410052904b11">Re: Family Problems.....</a>:
    [QUOTE]Are you carrying on the tradition of teenage pregnancy? Also, use grandma's credit card to pay someone to help. No one is obligated to help you unless you are paying them.
    Posted by MinM[/QUOTE]

    No, I didn't carry it on. My younger sister is 17 and has a 2 year old.
    Oh sh*t i'm probably gonna get MUD called again!
  • Chelsea124Chelsea124 member
    10 Comments
    edited December 2011
    Anyway,
    any young brides in a similar situation have any advice?
    Most of the problem doesn't even have to do with help, its the fighting and yelling over petty things.
  • 6fsn6fsn member
    Knottie Warrior 10000 Comments 500 Love Its Name Dropper
    edited December 2011
    The only advice is to suck it up.  Try to keep your things tidy and don't expect any help.  Sure it would be nice, but it's not necessary.

    Also, it us beyond tacky to throw your own shower.  Don't say it's regional.  I know better.
  • edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_wedding-woes_family-problems?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:47Discussion:d2570065-4c0d-472d-ae9c-fbcf6c82cf25Post:c9082d90-4eac-47b3-9e5d-0e443d351b62">Re: Family Problems.....</a>:
    [QUOTE]Anyway, any<u><em> young</em></u> brides in a similar situation have any advice? Most of the problem doesn't even have to do with help, its the fighting and yelling over petty things.
    Posted by Chelsea124[/QUOTE]

    You are so ageist! First you wont leave your poor old grandma alone for not helping, now you don't want the old brides help? RUDE.

    And nobody here is going to have advice for you. They all waited until they didn't live at home to get married. HTH!
    image
  • mrsconn23mrsconn23 member
    Knottie Warrior 10000 Comments 500 Love Its First Answer
    edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_wedding-woes_family-problems?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:47Discussion:d2570065-4c0d-472d-ae9c-fbcf6c82cf25Post:c9082d90-4eac-47b3-9e5d-0e443d351b62">Re: Family Problems.....</a>:
    [QUOTE]Anyway, any young brides in a similar situation have any advice? Most of the problem doesn't even have to do with help, <strong>its the fighting and yelling over petty things.</strong>
    Posted by Chelsea124[/QUOTE]

    There was no fighting or yelling during my wedding planning at all.  I just planned the wedding I wanted and did most the work myself.  So no, I do not advice for you.  Maybe you should take care of things for YOUR wedding and then there will be nothing to fight over.
  • edited December 2011
    Do the work while Grams is in the coal mines making the money to pay for this future divorce. HTH!
    image
  • Chelsea124Chelsea124 member
    10 Comments
    edited December 2011
    I am taking care of things Ms.Conn23. Sometimes it just gets overwhelming.

    If you refer back to the original post, I said yelling starts the second I get something out to work on.
  • Chelsea124Chelsea124 member
    10 Comments
    edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_wedding-woes_family-problems?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:47Discussion:d2570065-4c0d-472d-ae9c-fbcf6c82cf25Post:14b0ce20-8a67-4a51-a12b-86c433b2e6e8">Re: Family Problems.....</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: Family Problems..... : You are so ageist! First you wont leave your poor old grandma alone for not helping, now you don't want the old brides help? RUDE. And nobody here is going to have advice for you. They all waited until they didn't live at home to get married. HTH!
    Posted by Cant_wait![/QUOTE]

    I didn't emphasize young, you did. And I said it so i could get the advice of someone going through a similar situation.
This discussion has been closed.
Choose Another Board
Search Boards