Family Problems.....

Chelsea124

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_wedding-woes_family-problems?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:47Discussion:d2570065-4c0d-472d-ae9c-fbcf6c82cf25Post:12858164-99f0-4be3-a9c5-8f1fa8c269f3">Re: Family Problems.....</a>:
[QUOTE]The only advice is to suck it up.  Try to keep your things tidy and don't expect any help.  Sure it would be nice, but it's not necessary. Also, it us beyond tacky to throw your own shower.  Don't say it's regional.  I know better.
Posted by 6fsn[/QUOTE]

I know it's tacky, but no one else will do it, and well, to put it bluntly, we need the stuff.

Wonderw1fe

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_wedding-woes_family-problems?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:47Discussion:d2570065-4c0d-472d-ae9c-fbcf6c82cf25Post:9d225a21-ef2f-462d-9a45-a7ceedb1797c">Re: Family Problems.....</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Family Problems..... : I know it's tacky, but no one else will do it, and well, to put it bluntly, we need the stuff.
Posted by Chelsea124[/QUOTE]
 <a style="display:inline;" href="http://fourfour.typepad.com/.a/6a00d83451b8c369e201347fac9ab0970c-pi"><img class="asset asset-image at-xid-6a00d83451b8c369e201347fac9ab0970c " src="http://fourfour.typepad.com/.a/6a00d83451b8c369e201347fac9ab0970c-800wi" border="0" alt="Antm14_4_a_alt" title="Antm14_4_a_alt" /></a>

tawillers

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_wedding-woes_family-problems?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:47Discussion:d2570065-4c0d-472d-ae9c-fbcf6c82cf25Post:a81d4bcb-dc79-4dcb-8c94-79991005190d">Re: Family Problems.....</a>:
[QUOTE]she's not that old! She acts like she's thirty in everything else she does. <strong>She's more active that most mothers of people my age!</strong> There's no problem with her being tired, or unable to help. just wanted to point that out.
Posted by Chelsea124[/QUOTE]

Most mothers of people your age are HER age, so your point is moot.

6fsn

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_wedding-woes_family-problems?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:47Discussion:d2570065-4c0d-472d-ae9c-fbcf6c82cf25Post:9d225a21-ef2f-462d-9a45-a7ceedb1797c">Re: Family Problems.....</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Family Problems..... : I know it's tacky, but no one else will do it, and well, to put it bluntly, we need the stuff.
Posted by Chelsea124[/QUOTE]

You don't NEED it, you WANT it.  Do you work?  Is your FI living at home?  If you can't afford your own towels how are you going to live on your own.

baconsmom

Ooh, you know what I need? An SLK. And some Louboutins. And diamonds. Lots of diamonds. I'm liking this whole "throw-your-own-shower-instead-of-being-a-grownup" idea. Who wants an invite?!

[Deleted User]

I would move out when you can. Who knows what is going thru her head right now with you getting married, everything else aside. It is hard not having a cooperating and helpful, trust me, bc I am there. We live out of state, my parents have not a single thing or helped with a single thing, monetary or just doing, and FI's parents can't afford much (even though they are doing the RD), but are there for me to vent and cry and help where they can with little things.

Is your FI's Mom any help to you? Maybe she can offer you some support and guidance? Or any other female friends/family members you can trust?

lisarose7

Here's some advice:

1) It can't become a fight unless you respond to the yelling.  If you don't respond it's just her yelling and she'll get tired of it.  Ignore it and just continue to be as respectful as you can.

2) No one is required to do anything for your wedding except you and your FI.  If she doesn't want to help she doesn't have to...and neither does anyone else.  Just be grateful that your BMs are willing to pitch in, and that Grandma is willing to finance everything.  Many brides aren't so lucky.

3) It doesn't matter how much "stuff" you need, it's never okay to host your own shower.  If no one will host one for you, you don't get one.  In my case, my extended family and BMs are out of town and my friends can't afford to host one...so I don't get one.  A shower is not a requirement for marriage, it's a gift that others give you.

mrsconn23

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_wedding-woes_family-problems?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:47Discussion:d2570065-4c0d-472d-ae9c-fbcf6c82cf25Post:3a602ef8-af26-4632-a252-49f009f61de4">Re: Family Problems.....</a>:
[QUOTE]I am taking care of things Ms.Conn23. Sometimes it just gets overwhelming. If you refer back to the original post, I said yelling starts the second I get something out to work on.
Posted by Chelsea124[/QUOTE]

Yeah, I get that.  I really didn't have the issue of anyone yelling at my about my stuff because I purchased my own house before I met my husband.  So, no cannot relate.

And seriously, if you can't afford to purchase  household essentials for yourself (pots, pans, towels, sheets, spatulas, soap dispensers, etc) between the two of you, why the heck are you planning a wedding and getting married.  Are you planning to live with grandma or his parents?

psichick

this really is just too good.

so you're mad that grandma isn't just over flowing with excitement to help you put together favors....seriously? why would she? and your stuff probably IS all over the place and in her way which is why she's so annoyed. bring it to your bedroom and get it out of her way, or bring it to your FI's place (or his parents? sounds like you're a little young).

and here's a fun fact: no one but you cares about your wedding. from what it sounds like, not even your FI. people have lives and they need to live them. those lives typically don't revolve around putting together YOUR favors or working on YOUR invitations. others can be happy for you that you're getting married, and i'm sure many people are, but that doesn't mean they care a single bit about the details and want to participate in them.

wake up hun. you're getting married which means it's time to put on your big girl pants and be a grown up.

and you're seriously throwing your own bridal shower because you "need the stuff"??? wow. that's about as tacky and low class as it gets. gift grabby much??????

Chelsea124

in response to, well everyone, jesus calm down.

You guys are bowing this way out of proportion. I didn't know I had to give every single detail of my planning. Bridesmaids have helped some,and my fiance helps EVERYDAY, after he gets home at 9:30.

My FI and I both live at home with our parents. We're both 20 and in school, and he works ten hour days on top of that.

Right now I just go to school, but I'm in the process of getting an on campus job, just waiting for the call telling me when to start.

There's just sometimes I get overwhelmed when completing tasks for a 100 person event, so I can't imagine having a larger wedding. I was just venting and possibly looking for some advice.

I don't see why everyone's fuming over this.

Chelsea124

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_wedding-woes_family-problems?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:47Discussion:d2570065-4c0d-472d-ae9c-fbcf6c82cf25Post:8d377248-75b2-4ab6-9ff7-52b16acb86aa">Re: Family Problems.....</a>:
[QUOTE]this really is just too good. so you're mad that grandma isn't just over flowing with excitement to help you put together favors....seriously? why would she? and your stuff probably IS all over the place and in her way which is why she's so annoyed. bring it to your bedroom and get it out of her way, or bring it to your FI's place (or his parents? sounds like you're a little young). and here's a fun fact: no one but you cares about your wedding. from what it sounds like, not even your FI. people have lives and they need to live them. those lives typically don't revolve around putting together YOUR favors or working on YOUR invitations. others can be happy for you that you're getting married, and i'm sure many people are, but that doesn't mean they care a single bit about the details and want to participate in them. wake up hun. you're getting married which means it's time to put on your big girl pants and be a grown up. and you're seriously throwing your own bridal shower because you "need the stuff"??? wow. that's about as tacky and low class as it gets. gift grabby much??????
Posted by psichick[/QUOTE]

everything in this post is completely exagerated. Sheesh.

Heffalump

I'm really sorry I missed this.  I haven't seen anything quite so tacky in a good, long while.

GBCK

Wow, here you go, you are offically this tacky:
http://tinyurl.com/yemhleu
www.joe-ks.com/archives_apr2005/TackyToilet.jpg" alt="http://www.joe-ks.com/archives_apr2005/TackyToilet.jpg" />

NOLABridesmaid

Why not store the stuff at his house?

luckynutmeg

Is there another place you can go to work on the wedding stuff? Maybe a community center or coffee shop? Sometimes craft stores have huge tables set up in the back for crafters to work. You may have to buy a couple things, but at least you could be working on things outside of the house. Or, if it's nice out, have a picnic at the park, where you can work on things on a blanket on the grass.
Like other posters said, she may be upset that you are moving out and so is taking out her frustrations by yelling. And I hate clutter, so perhaps she is also a bit upset that your things are "cluttering" her home?
Read this post in your happy voice, as it is meant to be upbeat, not criticizing. ;-)

ashleypekny

Maybe you could arranged a weekend event with some of your bridesmaids and work on the projects outside of your grandmother's house.  Use her credit card to rent a small space and have a good time with your close friends!!  Maybe you could ask some of your bridesmaids to keep some small items at their places (provided they have the room and are willing to help you out). 

Good Luck with evertyhing!!

Chelsea124

thanks for the advice Nutmeg and Ashley. I'm not sure if any craft stores around here have anything like that, but it's worth a look. And unfortunately all my bridesmaids live either at home or in tiny dorms.

And to Nola, FI is storing all the furniture we're buying for our future apartment at his house (can't pass up those sales!)

mags0607

I am having a 300 person wedding. So far I have made, addressed and stamped all of my STDs, I have ordered my invotations and have begun assembling the layers, and I will be making handmade favors and doing bubbles, and hand caligraphying my invotations eventually. Fi is helping with the things he can( or that my anal self will let him), but the rest is on me. You know why???

Its my wedding and its his wedding.

No one else's.

Everyone else should just get to be a guest, and enjoy the day. They shouldn't be bothered with the folding and prepping of things that are for the bride and groom's vision of what their wedding should be.

It is not your grandmother's responsibilty to help you, and it is gracious of her to help out financially. Accept that help, quit planning your own shower, and just do the things yourself.