Step child woes

OliveOil39

My future stepdaughter has begun to take over all aspects of not just the wedding but our relationship. We don't live together, but spend as much time as we can with my household and his. She has begun to tell us when its time to go, what we will be having for supper, where we go, pretty much everything. And if she doesn't get what she wants when she wants it, all heck breaks loose, and he gives in to her. He has even made arrangements for her to come on our honeymoon with us, without telling me. She "informed" me tonight while I was making dinner! When I asked why he hadn't told me, he said "he hadn't thought of it".
At first I thought she was a bit jealous, so I included her in everything of course, but now I see that she "runs" her father, mother, and everyone else she knows...at the age of 8...
I'm concerned, and have brought up the subject with my future husband, and he laughs it off, saying I'm imagining things. Even my 17yr old son has noticed. I have started to avoid spending time with my fiance when she is with him, which is hard since she seems to adore me and my family. The thought of all of us living together makes me a bit ill at times...
When we went to pick out bridesmaid and flower girl dresses, she "told" me what she was wearing, and proclaimed that it was her special day too, and she "would get the dress she wanted".
Should I be re-thinking this marriage...?

VarunaTT

Yes.

*Barbie*

Yes

kmmssg

YES

Happy Bluebird

Yes.

1BabyFritsch

I think you should seriously be sitting down with FI and telling him his daughters "actions" are a deal breaker.
An think about stepping up to your stepo daughter and just plain telling her NO. Your FI cant choose your BM dresses for you. Stand your Ground.

hmw930

Wow, he may think he is just making her happy by giving her what she wants, but he is being a huge enabler and that's going to cause a lot of damage. First of all, your relationship and your family dynamics are already messed up, but he's gonna screw her up to!!! If she continues to grow up that way she's going to drown in the real world. Whats she going to do when she goes to school or gets a job and someone tells her no? Stomp her feet?? He may think its because she's a kid now, but trust me! I know plenty of girls brought up that way and try the temper tantrum approach in the real world and it's just pathetic. He needs to realize he is marrying YOU,not his daughter! If my fiancé tried to bring his kid on our honeymoon, I'd give him an ultimatum. He either needs to grow a pair and stand up to the eight year old like a real adult and father should do, or he is in serious trouble of sabotaging a marriage before it happens!!!

renjon7798

yes.  And there is no way on God's green earth that any child would be coming with my FI and I on our honeymoon.  That does not make me, or anyone who agrees, selfish.  It's a time for you and your new husband to spend time together without wedding stress and obvious kid stress.

Hilraythebride

YES seriously rethinking it.  I would tell him that the way he is with his daughter is really a dealbreaker!!  Its NOT okay to give her everything she wants whenever she wants it!!  Especially the whole honeymoon thing just NO!  

I would tell him he needs to stand up to his daughter and let her know that she is growing up and the childish behavior is not longer acceptable!!  The honeymoon is not a family vacation it is a getaway for the two of you to enjoy your love and take time away from everything!!

Its not like she is 17 nd moving out soon she is 8, are you ready to deal with this situation for the next 10 years?  I know step parenting can be difficult because I have had step parents and they never want to overstep the blood parents authority but in this case he has none or at least isn't putting it to good use!

nlindsay17

Run as fast as you can! You don't live with them and you are already having a hard time dealing with it. Can you imagine how much worse it will be living with them? You also need to think of your own son.
Your FI didn't think to tell you he made plans for his daughter to come on your honeymoon? Really?? This shows you where you stand in this family dinamic.

Paulo's Menina Bela

You need to walk away. Your FI has forgotten who's in charge. That's not likely to change anytime soon, or ever. Do you really want to fight with a child for position in your own marriage?  If you're not important and respected now, you won't be later. Walk. Away.

HookaPants

An 8 year old? On a honeymoon?

ReturnOfKuus

Yeah, I'd dump a guy who wanted to bring his kid on our honeymoon, for sure.

mejai1

Rethinking, yes. Canceling, maybe not yet.  

No way your stepdaughter should be on your honeymoon! I'm not even sure HOW that came into the equation.  That's just pure craziness. 

Your fiance is going to have to do more than just "laugh it off" when you bring up the concerns, and you're going to have to make it clear that you won't stand for this.  It might cause big concerns for you to make clear requests (demands) up front, but it'll save a lot of conflict later in life. Will the two of you do any premarital counseling before the wedding? Sounds like you need it! It's provided through churches as well as non-religious counseling. With step children, this is a must. 

My FI and I both have kids (I have a boy, he has a girl) and step children definitely add a level of conflict (parenting style issues, discipline disputes), but NO... heck no... she canNOT go on your honeymoon.