Wedding Woes
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Keeping it a secert

My FI and I are recently engaged and we are both very excited. We've done a small bit of planning but the problem is that I can't discuss ideas with anyone except for him because he wants to keep it a secret for a while. His reasoning for this is because he was married once before and because his ex was very pushy about it they went through with it fairly quickly. He doesn't want his family to get upset and freak out because he's engaged again but I want to tell the world! How should I handle this? Thanks girls! 

Edit: Sorry for offending anyone with the word "girl". I didn't realize that once you hit a certain age the word "girl" becomes offensive. 

Re: Keeping it a secert

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    tawillerstawillers member
    First Anniversary 5 Love Its Name Dropper First Comment
    edited December 2011

    Is the ink on his divorce papers dry yet?

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    hmonkeyhmonkey member
    First Anniversary 5 Love Its Name Dropper First Comment
    edited December 2011
    what?  how old are you and how long have you been together?  does his family even know you're dating?
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    mrsconn23mrsconn23 member
    First Anniversary First Answer 5 Love Its First Comment
    edited December 2011
    You should run far and fast in the other direction from him. 
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    baconsmombaconsmom member
    5 Love Its First Answer First Anniversary Name Dropper
    edited December 2011
    A secret engagement? Really? Because he can't stand up to his family? 

    Kick him to the curb. Yesterday. 
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    baconsmombaconsmom member
    5 Love Its First Answer First Anniversary Name Dropper
    edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_wedding-woes_keeping-secert?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:47Discussion:fa3a4617-b1bc-435f-a81e-7f257d6fd915Post:c6b60280-45d6-4d0f-8e19-809f4f4eea2c">Keeping it a secert</a>:
    [QUOTE]My FI and I are recently engaged and we are both very excited. We've done a small bit of planning but the problem is that I can't discuss ideas with anyone except for him because he wants to keep it a secret for a while. His reasoning for this is because he was married once before and because his ex was very pushy about it they went through with it fairly quickly. He doesn't want his family to get upset and freak out because he's engaged again but I want to tell the world! How should I handle this? Thanks girls!
    Posted by redtalent[/QUOTE]<div>
    </div><div>Also, I'm a woman, not a girl. (Man, I am really cranky this morning. Usually I let that one slide.)

    </div>
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    **O-Face****O-Face** member
    First Anniversary 5 Love Its First Comment
    edited December 2011
    That's just weird and I give this two thumbs down, a side-eye AND raised eyebrows.
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    edited December 2011
    I'm 24 and he's 25, I've met his whole family and we get on great. His dad even makes comments about visiting America (he's British) to see his future grandchildren.  He's not doing it because he doesn't want them to know I think he's just afraid that they won't support our decision and he doesn't want to upset his family. Also, he's been divorced for about  2 years now so yes, the ink is stone dry.
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    edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_wedding-woes_keeping-secert?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:47Discussion:fa3a4617-b1bc-435f-a81e-7f257d6fd915Post:b3fa65b8-4910-43e9-9c50-5be0720d1db9">Re: Keeping it a secert</a>:
    [QUOTE]I'm 24 and he's 25, I've met his whole family and we get on great. His dad even makes comments about visiting America (he's British) to see his future grandchildren.  He's not doing it because he doesn't want them to know<strong> I think he's just afraid that they won't support our decision and he doesn't want to upset his family</strong>. Also, he's been divorced for about  2 years now so yes, the ink is stone dry.
    Posted by redtalent[/QUOTE]


    Re-read this statement.  Be prepared for it to become a recurring theme with every single life decision the two of you are going to make in the future.
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    GBCKGBCK member
    First Anniversary 5 Love Its Name Dropper First Comment
    edited December 2011
    Being afraid they won't support / be upset = not wanting them to know because they won't support/be upset.

    Nothing good can come of being in a relationship w/ someone who needs it to be 'secret'.
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    baconsmombaconsmom member
    5 Love Its First Answer First Anniversary Name Dropper
    edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_wedding-woes_keeping-secert?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:47Discussion:fa3a4617-b1bc-435f-a81e-7f257d6fd915Post:b3fa65b8-4910-43e9-9c50-5be0720d1db9">Re: Keeping it a secert</a>:
    [QUOTE]I'm 24 and he's 25, I've met his whole family and we get on great. His dad even makes comments about visiting America (he's British) to see his future grandchildren.  He's not doing it because he doesn't want them to know I think he's just afraid that they won't support our decision and he doesn't want to upset his family. Also, he's been divorced for about  2 years now so yes, the ink is stone dry.
    Posted by redtalent[/QUOTE]
    OK then, enjoy your closet, because you're never getting out of there. 
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    Butter CookieButter Cookie member
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    If he isn't old enough to tell his family it isn't up for discussion or old enough to know how to argue his point about the engagement he's certainly not ready for marriage. Run fast in the opposite direction to someone who isn't consumed with their family's opinions.
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