Would you risk offending people to have your special song?

batsymannequin

When FI and I first met, we really bonded over the fact that we were hardcore fans of the same dark, sort of gothicy rock group. So, of course, when we first started thinking about getting married, it was all about their music! The song that I especially want to have our first dance to makes a reference that might be seen as sacrilegious. Typically we could care less what anyone thought, but for some reason this makes FI a bit uneasy as we are forced to invite a couple of Catholics and is slightly afraid of pissing off anyone of a Christian background (aka people on both sides of our family!) What would you do? Most of their songs deal with some element of death or suffering along with love, so our options with them are so few that we risk having to choose another artist.

nefariousmoon

I say if it will be meaningful to the two of you then go ahead and dance to it. No one else is even supposed to be dancing during your first dance. Not to mention if they find it so offensive then they can plug their ears and go lalalala... But really that is your moment in the spotlight as a married couple for the first time. So if you want the song then go for it!

Mrs.B6302007

You'll never be able to please everyone nor predict what people will be offended by.  Some people look for things to claim offense.However, if you're feeling uneasy about it then that means you know they'll be offended.  That's different than unknowingly offending someone.It really is your call but if it were me, I would save the song for general dancing instead of the B&G song. It would be a less spotlight moment with the hopes that it would slip by most people's attention.

kmmssg

Ditto Mrs. B.  You can't please everyone all the time, but there is also something to be said for inviting people and being pretty darned sure that something you want to do will offend them.  You don't have to spotlight this song and make sure that you offend them.

ffmaid

Could you post song lyrics here . This would make a difference

aerinpegadrak

A lot of the songs that people choose for weddings have really quite appalling lyrics.  "The Dance" by Garth Brooks, a popular choice, is about the violent death of a bullrider.  "Brown-Eyed Girl" is so common as a father-daughter dance song that it borders on cliche, and most people just leave in the squicky line about "making love in the green grass."  Really, this isn't without precedent.If the lyrics are very distinct (I don't know which band you're talking about, but in most death metal songs, they're not), then you may want to choose something else.  But don't discount a song as a first dance because it isn't all sugary lovey goodness.  As long as it sounds pretty, people won't really notice.

Leah&Christian09

Meh, we danced to Dream Girl by DMB. It's about a guy (stoned, I think) thinking about some imaginary girl and I'm pretty sure he's "taking care of himself". We got compliments on it. No one is going to listen to the lyrics of your song very closely. They are going to listen to the music. If you pick a song that has a good beat for dancing, people will think it's great, even if there's a line about I love you so much I want to stab you. What are the lyrics?

mbcdefg

Unless the reference is really obvious and offensive, or unless there's vulgarity in the song, I would just use it and not worry about it. There's a difference between an obvious insult toward Christianity and a metaphorical lyric that could be interpreted as a jab at Christianity. And this is coming from a lifelong Catholic. Our first dance will be to a Metallica song. Even though it's a love song and has no questionable lyrics whatsoever, some people still wrinkle their nose and say, "Ew, Metallica? That's not wedding-appropriate" when they ask what our first dance will be. There are always people who are going to be critical that you're not using some cliched love song as your first dance, so realize that you're not going to please everyone. What song is it? Can you post a link to the lyrics?

I <3 Seabass

I would take a quick poll of your family and see what they say. Originally we wanted to do Wyclef & Mary J Blige's 911. We played it for a couple of our family members and definitely got the side eye from some of them. As much as we loved the song we really didn't want people to be thinking WTF during our first dance.

gottahavashorti

How obvious are the potentially sacrilegious lyrics?  In a lot of songs, only half the lyrics can be understood easily anyhow.  Run it by a few people who don't normally listen to rock or gothicy rock and see if they catch it.  Or, if you're worried about offending people, can you play just a portion of the song?

batsymannequin

Here's the song that I was specifically referencing- The title of the song is "The Sacrament" http://www.azlyrics.com/lyrics/him/thesacrament.html http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8ceX1PZBsGE&feature=related And another one we ended up ruling out for the gloomy lyrics, called "In Joy and Sorrow"- http://www.azlyrics.com/lyrics/him/injoyandsorrow.html http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=okvUAPWyPkw

nefariousmoon

Its only HIM!!! I see no reason why anyone should have a problem with this song... I say dance to song. No one will catch the real meaning of the song. Trust me my FI is a DJ and I work at a club. Most people do not even listen/pay attention to the lyrics of songs. I mean most people still think that lips of an angel (Hinder) is a beautiful love song....when its about a guy cheating on his wife! Personally that is a song I would raise my eyebrow to if someone danced to it as a first song. I have said it already but again: Go for it! Its a great song!

Lindze75

Seeing the lyrics I think it's totally fine!  You could always ask a DJ to rework the song (softer music or instrumental only) if it would make your FI more comfortable.

Lasairiona

If the song has special meaning to you then use it. No one will be analyzing the lyrics or even paying attention unless it is a very popular that most people are familiar with and thus wondering why you chose it. For example, if you chose something that most people are well aware of is a breakup, etc song (I Will Always Love You or Every Breath You Take as examples) then people will wonder. But if they've never heard it before then it won't stick out as much if at all. I wouldn't worry about it.

vicymar

I'm catholic and I don't think I would have a problem with it, specially because it is YOUR song, so everyone should respect your choice if not oh well, it's your wedding day!!!

mbcdefg

I see nothing wrong with that song.

sjnsjnsjn

It's your wedding.  Do what feels right and meaningful to you two.  Then again, the religious feelings of wedding attendees aren't at the top of my list, since we'll be having a totally secular wedding, and between our two families, there will be several born again Xian fundies and also conservative Jews.  Good times.

TurtlesAllTheWayDown

If there was a lot of profanity I would have suggested getting an instrumental version, but that's not bad at all. It's sweet actually.

espressogirl717

I think the words to first dance songs can be more vulnerable to criticism, since everyone is obligated to pay attention.  Those "sticky" lines aren't as obvious when everyone is talking and dancing.That said, I really like this song as a first dance.  I have some pretty conservative guest on my invite list, and I wouldn't be worried about this song at all.

fancyshmancy

Although the wedding is just about the both of you....the first dance obviously is a time for all to watch you and feel happy for you. The LAST thing you want is potential scoffing or bad looks. You don't want to change the mood of your wedding.

batsymannequin

Phew! Okay. FMIL has a tendency to pick out the littlest things and blow them out of proportion- so she had mentioned to FI something like "are you sure you want to use that?" insinuating people could take it the wrong way. So, that's how this whole thing started. Apparently marriage is a sacrament to Catholics anyway. I didn't know that. anyway, THANK YOU ALL SO MUCH for helping putting FI and I at ease. We can dance to our favorite band and not have to sweat bullets about it.

blackfire5th

I'm Catholic as well and like pp, I don't find anything offensive about it. I will say I do find it offensive that you stated that you were "forced to invite a couple of Catholics." It sounds like you didn't want to invite them because they were Catholic. :P I may be way off, but I think the line "the sacrament is you" is very nice, because like you said, marriage is a sacrament to Catholics where you are binding yourself to your partner (the priest doesn't do it) and I think it is nice to think that your partner and your love is really the sacrament. I would use that against any problems your FMIL might have with the song.