The garter toss....

kaynix21

So my FI is sort of terrified about doing the garter toss...he's afraid my dad will kill him and he's just embarassed. It's part of wedding tradition really....so I sort of want to do it, I plan on tossing my boquet.So any thoughts on what I should or could say to him?

Emstarme

I think the garter toss is gross. I have NEVER actually seen it done at a wedding (only in the media), and I am very happy about that. I agree with your FI. I am going to toss the bouquet (my friends insisted) but we will not be doing the garter toss. They do not have to go together.

niq24601

The garter & bouquet tosses are less and less common, as more couples think the garter is too chauvinist, and people get married later and later so there are fewer single guests.If you're gonna do the toss and want to have one for the guys, a common alternative is to have the groom toss his "little black book" with the phone numbers of his lady friends. Or he can take off his tie and throw that, but you may need to weight it with something for the throw to work.

ArmyBride2010

I think the garter toss is still very common.  Every wedding is done differently, but I've seen ones where the groom goes completely under the dress to the bride just having the garter on the top of her cafe muscle or just above the knee.  Many people are having two garters now so you can have one for your keepsake and the other for the toss.  My cousin's wedding had all her groomsmen involved by picking up the groom and moved him in to my cousin, like he was the Little Mermaid, and the groomsmen actually controlled how far he went into the dress and so forth.  Everyone was laughing!  Your dad would understand the tradition, so as long as its done tastefully, I don't think anyone would get upset or uncomfortable. 

MOBinFL2008

Both the garter and bouquet tosses are becoming less popular.  The single friends of many brides don't want to get up for the bouquet toss and many couples just don't like the garter toss.Honestly, if he doesn't want to do it, don't try to talk him into it.  It's his option to toss the garter or not.  You can still do the bouquet toss if you want but you may want to check with your single friends to see if they're interested in participating in the toss.

aerinpegadrak

You can definitely do just one toss, both, or neither. 

mehgank

I agree with pp's, the garter toss is becoming less and less popular (I still see the bouquet toss being done though). Most couples opt out because it seems tacky/overly sexual to have your new husband fishing up inside your dress in front of all your family, friends, and even Great Aunt Ruth. However, if it means that much to you, maybe you could have the garter on your calf instead of your mid-thigh (they did this back in the '50s with the garter on their calf) or have it wrapped around your bouquet stem and have him remove it, then you two toss both the bouquet and garter at the same time.

LesPaul

If FI is that uncomfortable, don't do it.  You are not obligated to include every single antiquated tradition just because somebody says you have to.

faith194

Didn't do either. . .just because they are tradition doesn't mean you have to do them. If your dh isn't comfortable with going up your skirt(DH wouldn't feel comfortabel doing that with an audience and then throwing a garter that was on my leg to a bunch of his single friends, etc), then skip that!You can still throw your bouquet, though, if your single friends don't mind(I didn't want to call out anyone in that way).

mbcdefg

He's already expressed that he's uncomfortable with it, so let it go. It wouldn't be right for you to push him into something he doesn't want to do. How would you feel if the situation were reversed? If you want to toss your bouquet, do it ... you need not have a garter toss to go along with that. If the only part he's upset about is going up your skirt in front of your family and he'd be up for a toss otherwise, an alternative could be for you to have a garter in your hand for him to toss. That way, he can throw it but he doesn't have to fish around in your underpants to get it. Or he could toss his boutonniere, or something else (maybe a little plush football to his friends, or a teddy bear to the children in attendance). For what it's worth, FI and I are skipping both tosses. He's also uncomfortable with putting his hand up my dress in front of our loved ones, I don't want to subject my single female friends to a public display of their singlehood, and we're both uncomfortable at being the center of attention like that. Just because something is a "tradition" doesn't mean that it's right to do in every situation (like forcing your FI into it if he's clearly not digging the idea).

ffmaid

If he does not want to do it then skip it. Most weddings these days skip it as it is a smidge embarasing and it takes away from the party

CTGirl30

Please consider your FI's feelings here -  if the poor guy is embarrassed and doesn't want to do it, just skip it.  Just because it has historically been part of wedding tradition doesn't mean you have to incorporate it into your day if one of you feels uncomfortable with the idea. We are skipping both the boquet and garter toss. Not many single people will be at our wedding and I don't want to single out my single gf's and make them catch my flowers. And the last wedding we went to, the garter toss was kind of lame - I was actually embarrassed for the bride. The handful of guys that lined up for it refused to even try to catch it the first attempt and her garter fell to the floor. They repeated the toss and one of the guys finally half-heartedly caught it. Yeah. You can totally still do your boquet toss if you really want, too, though. Nobody says you HAVE to do anything. ESP if it makes you or FI or both of you uncomfortable.

Jane_Birkin

i rarely see the bouquet/ garter toss done these days, but you are absolutely free to toss your bouquet even if he doesn't do the garter thing! personally, the part that i would REALLY shy away from is the "guy who gets the garter has to put it on the leg of the chick who catches the bouquet" thing. i haven't ever see that be anything but embarrassing for those 2. the worst was when a 7 year old boy caught the garter (cause hey, little boys like to jump and catch things) and then the poor little guy was made to put it on the leg of a 20something bridesmaid. he was practically crying over the confusion and sexualization.

OFF

If your FI feels uncomfy digging around under your dress in front of friends and family than dont make him do it. It's also a tradition for the bride to be a virgin and wear white as a symbol of her purity. It was also a tradition for parents to arrange the marriages for financial or political gain. You dont have to stick with everything just because its a tradition. You can still single out, no pun intended, the poor lonely yet to find a man spinster women at your wedding a toss them a bouquet if you want. You don't have to do both.

Raidden

its completely optional :PI'm going to toss a second smaller bouquet because i want to keep mine for a  little longer after the wedding. and we are goign to toss a garter.its going to be right below the knee, we both want to do it. but its going to be tasteful. after all, it IS a wedding and our grandparents will be there, but that doesn't mean we cant have fun at all.

kaynix21

Just to be clear:I'm not actually trying to force him to do it.I just sort of thought that everyone still did it and that it was important.So glad it's not as big as it used to be, I know he didn't want to do it, and I could careless to be quite honest.Thanks guys.

katanne9

I saw somewhere online that during the garter post the groom pulled out a ball and chain from under the wedding dress!! If he's a jokester maybe he'd like to do something along those lines?Still, I've been to plenty of weddings that did a bouquet toss only.

ffmaid

Most weddings I've been to since about 1980 have skipped the garter toss since about 2000 most weddings have also skipped the bouquet toss. We skipped both. I hatted both when I was single

TnJBonnell

If he truly is uncomfortable, then dont do it. Just do your bouquet toss. I'm planning on doing both. I've alway seen it done in weddings. I think its fun!Ive seen where the guy goes completely under the dress and some where she shows a little leg and he just grabs it with his hands and pulls it off. That might be an alternative of what he might want to do. Keep the garter low so that he doesnt have to reach to high to grab it.I'm sure its dieing out but its nice to keep traditions going!Good Luck!

megk8oz

We're skipping both.We originally were only going to throw the bouquet ... but then we realized there's like only 3 female guests that aren't married or engaged, so it'd be a sad toss.We never were going to do the garter. I told FI upfront that I'M not comfortable with him going under the dress to do it (I get very squeamish about doing "sexy" stuff in front of other people), but I asked if he wanted to just like have a garter in his pocket or something and throw that ... he pretty much said he didn't care either way, so we scrapped both.

Simply Fated

Why would he be afraid your dad would kill him? Did your dad not toss your mother's garter at their wedding? Surely your dad is aware of this tradition.

mam677

We're skipping both the garter and bouquet toss. We're doing the Years of Marriage dance instead. The couple who has been married the longest will get the bouquet and the garter (although why anyone wants a garter, I have no clue.) I might do as one poster suggested and just wrap the thing around the bouquet.Tell your FI that it's your wedding and there's no need for him to be mortified on what should be a happy, wonderful day. Ditch the garter toss!

tlc828

I know I am not doing it because I hardly have any single friends so its just pointless to throw it to 2 people lol. Also I dont want to take away from the party by stopping it for those silly things. I am not even sure I want to stop for the cutting of the cake, I will cut the cake obviously but not sure I want to make a big ordeal of it, people have eyes, so they can see us doing it if they want. I am all about flow, and not stopping the dancing and fun! www.traciandmiki.weebly.com

Lasairiona

If he doesn't want to do it, he's not required to. It's his day, not just yours so he gets a say in the matter. Just because something may be tradition doesn't make it law or requirement. If you force it on him, it will only make him more adamant on not doing it.

T_P

We are doin the tosses. I talked with our DJ (who is also a very close friend) We are going to blind fold my FI and have 4 chairs set up. I will be in one. The best man in another and a few other people. Before FI can go for the garter he has to be able to see if he can tell which leg is the bride's