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kaylanabanana

Hey Girls

This is kind of a all around theme, but regardless I NEED HELP!

Been engaged for 5 months, together for almost 4 years now. 3 things: we are both from divorced parents, thus we have a large extended family, 2. I am from the east coast but we live in colorado, where my fiance is from. 3. We're both quite shy, my fiance more, but I'm very uncomfortable with the idea of both my parents in the same room since it hasn't happened since my graduations. 

So, with all wedding talks  (planned for june2011) the only thing we really want is SMALL. 35 people. His mom is the only provider in this event so we do have to sway with her. But now things are out of control. People from his family have claimed they're coming whether they're invited or not! People are assuming that they're invited all over the place. This does not result in small. I have a feeling many feelings are going to be hurt. Not only does this interfere with the namely small budget, but it just does not sound like it would be FOR US. At the start we just wanted close friends and parents, but the rest of the family does not compute this info. We say 35 people then they don't understand? It is making me very irritated and am starting to threaten NO WEDDING. just us, go away, get married ourselves. the other thing is my dad has been out of work for almost a year and I can't expect him to fly down and stay a family of 3 to a destination. Not to mention an intimate gathering wouldn't be too great with my single mom. I do find it incredibly important that my dad walk medown the aisle. I don't want to bail on a wedding and regret never having one. We've looked at venues but it really depends on the head count. HELP! I was so excited to get engaged, I love my man, How can it just be what WE want???

ScissortailFlycatcher

First off, you need to figure out what you want. It sounds like your not sure. One sentence you say small and intimate, the next you say you don't want to regret not having a wedding...

The most important thing is you and your FI. If you want 35 people there then only invite 35 people. Let those people know not to disclose ceremony and reception info to non-invited guests. If there are really people in your family that will come despite no invitation I would be shocked.

Lastly, maybe you should have a weddng you and your FI can afford yourself, so you don't have to worry about what your mom wants because she is paying.

There is nothing wrong with a small wedding. Getting married is the goal, having the liscense and the two of you is important. Everything else is just extra.

trix1223

Pay for the wedding you want.  If other people are paying, they get some say in how their money is spent.

If you want a 35 person wedding, pay for it yourself.  And then when people start making suggestions/criticisms, you and your FI have to stand firmly together and say "We're having the wedding that we both want.  We hope you will come to understand and respect that." 

And then say it over and over and over and over and over until the message gets through.