Alcohol at reception?

Kbrook

Okay heres the deal. My FI doesn't want to have alcohol at the wedding. Its not a big deal to me, neither of us drink. When I mentioned this to my mother she said that no one will dance if we don't serve it...

Any thoughts?

bellebride116

I agree with your mom...

I think alcohol at a reception is a must. I'm not a huge drinker at all, but I do like to have a drink or two at social occasions. It's a fun way to celebrate with friends and family. I've been to two weddings without alcohol and the atmosphere was so different , kinda boring, everyone left very early, compared to the weddings that did serve alcohol.

Even if you don't drink, think about your guests and if they do or not... Obviously the choice is ultimately up to you, it's your wedding...

danieliza1127

I agree with her somewhat.  I've been to several dry wedding receptions and none of them had a DJ or dancing.  I wouldn't dance without a few drinks in me and my friends likely wouldn't either.  But you have to look at your own guest and think about what they would prefer.  You don't have to deny your entire guest list a drink just because the two of you don't drink.  You can serve alcohol and just not have any if you want.  Your reception is about your guests.  It's your way of thanking them for taking the time and money to share the day with you, not to mention that most of them will bring you gifts or money as well.  So think about it from that perspective.

lyndausvi

Sadly in my world alcohol is a must have.  I would never dance without alcohol.

But it's your wedding and as long as you are paying then you can do what you want.

michaelandjulie2

I haven't posted much, but I just wanted to say that we aren't serving alcohol either, but we are having a DJ and dancing. Most of our guests (70-80%) wouldn't drink even if we did offer alcohol and many important guests, such as grandparents, would not feel comfortable at all. I am certain they will still dance and have a good time. I think it depends on your guest list and your personal preferences... your friends and family are there to celebrate your marriage! For some people, that doesn't have to include alcohol. 

aerinpegadrak

A dance floor is a two-drink minimum for me.  I can certainly enjoy a party without alcohol, but I wouldn't dance.

Dani's absolutely right, the reception isn't for you, it's for your guests.  If the majority of your guests drink socially, then as good hosts, you need to provide them something to drink.  If the majority of your guests are also non-drinkers, then alcohol probably won't be missed.

Why doesn't he want alcohol?  If it's a cost issue, then there are plenty of ways to still provide something without breaking the bank (just beer and wine, buy your own rather than going through your venue, etc.).  If it's a beliefs issue, particularly if the rest of the guest list doesn't feel the same way, then pushing your beliefs on other people is pretty impolite.  If he were a recovering alcoholic, I'd understand not wanting booze, but otherwise it's sure to irritate some people.

I will say that dry weddings tend to be much better received if they're in the afternoon than in the evening.  But either way, you're looking at a pretty empty dance floor.

mbcdefg

If your guests would enjoy alcohol, I would do your best to provide some. Even just beer and wine. Like PPs said, the reception is for your guests - ultimately it is not for you and FI, so just because YOU guys don't drink doesn't mean that your guests automatically cannot drink.

If nobody really drinks, though, then don't worry about it.

From my personal experience, alcohol is necessary for a "party" vibe and dancing. But of course this will vary by your social circle. Some circles can have an awesome time without it.

Roxyroodle

my family will be upset I bet that there will be no alcohol at our wedding but there are a couple family members I would rather not have drinking and I dicided to not have it.
I'm just saying we couldn't get a permit and leaving it at that. I think people will still dance.

MyNameIsNot

You don't have to serve alcohol, but you do have to be realistic about what a dry wedding will mean.  For most groups of people, no drinks means people won't be dancing.  It's just the way it is.  If your mom is saying no one will dance if there is no alcohol, she's probably right.  She knows the people you are inviting.

If you want to have a dry reception, that's fine.  Just skip the DJ and expect that people will probably start leaving right after dinner.  Dry receptions in the afternoon work really well.

If you're really set on the dancing all night sort of party, you probably need to have some sort of bar. 

Kbrook

He is not a recovering alcoholic but about 50% of our guest list is composed of family members who are alcoholics. We just don't want to give them a chance to ruin our reception after they've gotten a few drinks in them.

aerinpegadrak

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_reception-ideas_alcohol-reception?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:5Discussion:ba5e55d3-ac8d-4453-a9bf-8a6eeb4a97efPost:5615e422-85be-4a03-ada5-94c701488d39">Re: Alcohol at reception?</a>:
[QUOTE]He is not a recovering alcoholic but about 50% of our guest list is composed of family members who are alcoholics. We just don't want to give them a chance to ruin our reception after they've gotten a few drinks in them.
Posted by Kbrook[/QUOTE]
That does make things trickier.  If I were you, I'd look at a dry afternoon reception, and plan on going out for an afterparty somewhere that you can dance, where your friends who do drink can get booze if they wish.

megk8oz

The ceremony is for you and your FI, the reception is for the guests. There's a few whackadoos on the Knot that will try to tell you "The wedding is ENTIRELY about what the bride wants", unfortunately, this is not true. The reception is a party you are hosting, and as a good host, you should cater to your guests.

I come from an area where you pretty much will be crucified for having a dry wedding or a cash bar. It's just something that is. not. done. That doesn't mean doing either of these things is "wrong", it's just "socially acceptable" in my area. I would normally ask in this situation what is the social norm where you're from, but it seems if your mom's giving you the advice that she is, a dry wedding is not "the norm" (Mom's tend to know these things).

While you are 100% entitled to have a dry wedding (If you are paying for it ... if your mom is paying for/contributing to the wedding, then she DOES get a say on this), I would strongly advise against having an evening wedding if you execute this. An afternoon wedding seems to be way more forgiving on a matter like this. Also, if you do this, you really can't expect your guests to dance if they're the type of crowd that need a drink or 2 to get going.

I actually do not drink a lot, and certainly have no need to toss one back to get my butt on a dance floor, but I know that I am in a very tiny percentile of people. My wedding will have an open bar (Like I said, I'm from a place where this is just "what you do"), but I personally do not plan on having much more than a glass or 2 of champagne or wine that day (I actually would be fine at a dry wedding). But like I said earlier: the ceremony is about what FI and I want/need, the reception is for everybody else.

reneekruger

I have a large portion of "drinkers" oin my side of the guest list. Instead of saying it's going to be "dry" we're just having a cash bar. That way it isn't an open invitation for people to get wasted, but alcohol will still be available. I am forunate enough to have people at the wedding who will "take care of" the ones who get out of hand. Have faith that your family will respect you enough on your big day to behave themselves (at least that is what I'm telling myself!)

MyNameIsNot

If they truly are alcoholics that will get this out of hand, they are going to carry flasks to a dry wedding.  It sounds like a dry afternoon wedding may be your best option.  True, people won't dance, but that's ok.

In any event, don't do a cash bar.  Being rude to your guests isn't the answer.

mbcdefg

Are they legitimate alcoholics? As in, they won't go to work because they've been drinking all day, they attend AA meetings, they'd drive home drunk, etc.?

Or are you just saying that there will be some guests who just drink a lot at parties? Like Aunt Bertha who gets a little loud once she's had a few martinis, or College Buddy Steve who can drink a whole six-pack by himself at a football tailgate?

I can understand your reservations if it's the former. But if it's the latter ... well, it seems like a lot of girls come here and are afraid that people who like their drinks are going to somehow "ruin" their whole wedding. Look, I have some family members and friends who can really pound them back, but not to the point where they'd actually RUIN my wedding. I know people who get absolutely plastered when they're watching the football game or are at a casual family BBQ, but they know their limits when they're at a classy event like a wedding.

Just saying, I don't know where so many people seem to get the idea that an open bar at a wedding suddenly equals people dancing topless on tables with lampshades on their heads and vomiting all over the bride. People who aren't total pieces of trash - or ACTUAL alcoholics - usually know that a wedding is a nice event and that they should behave accordingly.

PrincssGS

I agree with at least having beer and wine.  If they're major alcoholics I'd imagine it would be pretty difficult for them to get wasted on one or the other (more difficult than if you were serving liquor at least).  Where I'm from it's the same deal with a dry wedding or cash bar.  It's just. not. done.  My sister and her boyfriend went to his cousins wedding about 2 months ago and left after dinner because it was dry and they said it was really boring.  FI, my mom and  I went to a wedding where they served wine during the cocktail hour and it was dry from then on out.  We left after dinner (we also didn't know too many people that were there).

We like to drink socially and so does 90% of our guest list (and how could we not have a champagne toast?!)   We would never consider NOT having an open bar...so thank goodness it's included in our catering package!

gatorgirl2010

Eh.  In our situation, my FI and are indifferent to alcohol.  Most of our guests aren't drinkers (some adamantly so).  The ones that are...well, frankly I don't trust them to be reasonable in front of an open bar.  We're just doing a champagne toast.  Everyone gets a drink if they want it and no one pukes on me.  Win/win.
I'm from the south.  My community tends to be rather conservative and having a wedding without alcohol is by no means a faux pas and in some instances is preferable.  That colors my decision, so consider regional precedent in making your choice.
Anyway, if you don't want alcohol at your wedding or it's just not in your budget, then that should be the end of the debate.

pooh8402

like others have said, consider your guest list. if it's a few people who like to have fun when they drink, I say just have beer, wine, and maybe one mixed cocktail. that is my guest list pretty much:50% people in their 20s who are still single, having fun, and like to knock a few back. the other 50% probably won't drink at all. since I know the capabilities of the drinkers, I am limiting their choices to beer and wine, and there is a bartender (required by my facility). I am going to tell the bartender, or give him a picture, of people that will probably need to be cut off--you can do this if you have concerns about certain people.

I haven't been to a wedding that had no alcohol and had dancing, but in my area, it's either one or the other: either you have alcohol AND a DJ/band, or you have no alcohol and no music due to religious restrictions.

AlmostMrs.Munoz

We are having alchohol only during the first two hours of the reception, and only serving beer or wine. I think this will let some of the "2 drink minimum to dance" people will get a little loser and have a good time, but alcohol won't be such a big presence that my very conservative side of the family will be offended. It entirely depends on your family though and where you are from. Certain areas of the country would despise a no-alcohol wedding while other areas will be a little more forgiving...

I think the suggestion of a cash bar was a good one from a PP. That way people that want (or need) alcohol can have some and those that don't want any can just keep away from the bar, and you get the added bonus of not having to pay for it.

jenn.daniel

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_reception-ideas_alcohol-reception?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:5Discussion:ba5e55d3-ac8d-4453-a9bf-8a6eeb4a97efPost:975d3705-224e-4472-91a8-f69f3372c4ed">Re: Alcohol at reception?</a>:
[QUOTE]Are they legitimate alcoholics? As in, they won't go to work because they've been drinking all day, they attend AA meetings, they'd drive home drunk, etc.? Or are you just saying that there will be some guests who just drink a lot at parties? Like Aunt Bertha who gets a little loud once she's had a few martinis, or College Buddy Steve who can drink a whole six-pack by himself at a football tailgate?Posted by mbcdefg[/QUOTE]

There is also something called a functional alcoholic.  Once one of my uncles puked on my mother after having too much to drink at a family wedding.  When comparing him to my father, my uncle is the well behaved one.  Just because someone can go to work and function during the week doesn't mean they're not drunk by noon on Sunday.

I dance without alcohol.  If you'll dance no matter what, have a dry wedding.  Your good friends should dance too.  To appease people, you could have wine with dinner only -  couple bottles per table and that's it.  Not enough for anyone to get drunk, but enough to get people "loosened up".

emily.adomanis

here is what we did...

1. In order to make sure people weren't going to get super wasted...which I didn't want for a number of reasons, one of the main being that our wedding was down a narrow woodsy road. We  stopped serving alcohol 1 hour before the wedding was over.

2. We only served beer and wine.  We purchased it ourselves. My dad found a liquor store that had a  25% discount on cases of wine on Tuesdays.

3. We encouraged people to carpool and be safe

dwilliamson13

I'm sure I would have to just ask around about this but have any of you guys heard about having anen bar for the first hour or two and then doing a cash bar? I would think (if that is possible) that it would cut down the likelyhood of people geeting flat out wasted, but still polite....

KrisAline

I would have a full bar if I could afford it!  lol... however, i am having only wine, beer, and rum swizzle (a local drink, similar to rum punch). 

I would say if you can afford it, provide the option of alcohol... it's a celebration and people love to toast! 

breanna_cross03

honestly it is you and your FI's wedding. Of course you would like to your guests to enjoy themselves but with a group of people there is always going to be someone who is going to be unhappy. If your FI doesnt want alcohol then don't have it. When it comes down to it, it is YOUR guys' big day and the reception is the chance for you two to celebrate your marriage with all of your loved ones. I was just at a wedding that did not serve alcohol and it was the funnest wedding I have ever been to BY FAR and i have been to lots What they did is after all the speeches and first dances the entire wedding party went down to the floor together and started the dance section so other people didnt feel awkward joining in. If you can keep  it upbeat and comfortable people WILL dance without alcohol  

jenn.daniel

I considered an open beer and wine bar for only the first to hours because of cost, but that turned out to be took expensive.  Well, we may still do that if we find a venue that allows us to bring our own alcohol.

fairy_diva

We have the same probem here, and I had a similar post some where on here about alcohol.  Same problems, several alcoholics that we can't trust to behave with a few drinks in them.  I solved the whole problem by choosing a park thaat does not allow any alcohol.  Now I can answer not allowed due to park rules, problem solved. 
No real advice, I just wanted to let you know I feel your pain over it.  My FI and I do enjoy an occasional drink, our close friends can handle their alcohol, the grandparents would be uncomfortable and then you have the unpredicable ones.  I live in So WV, the buckle of the Bible belt, so it can be a huge issue with lots of older/elderly guests as well as serious church goers.  I would say about 1/2 my guest list would leave when the alcohol came out.
My brothers wedding was dry, a lot of same reasons (except unpredicable drunks) and we had a blast.  The reception was fun, people danced and it went on for 4-5 hrs after the wedding.  I had a friend who got married this past summer and a lot of wedding attendee left right after and did not stay for the reception due to alcohol being out in the open, even the invite insert stated only the 1st hour of the reception was child friendly and alcohol would be served after that.  It was sad to see a lot of their family not show due to the alcohol.

MyNameIsNot

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_reception-ideas_alcohol-reception?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:5Discussion:ba5e55d3-ac8d-4453-a9bf-8a6eeb4a97efPost:0297f9cd-19c4-4974-bd15-5c7c584e6559">Re: Alcohol at reception?</a>:
[QUOTE] I think the suggestion of a cash bar was a good one from a PP. That way people that want (or need) alcohol can have some and those that don't want any can just keep away from the bar, and you get the added bonus of not having to pay for it.
Posted by AlmostMrs.Munoz[/QUOTE]

A cash bar is rude, regardless.

Either have booze or don't.  Being rude to your guests isn't the solution and doesn't solve your problems. 

friendlypeanut

A cash bar is rude? Dont listen to these people. This wedding is about you and your groom. It is a celebration of your love, it is not a night club. If your guests need to drink to enjoy themselves at a wedding,they don't need to be there. It isn't about being drunk, it's not even about dancing, it's about supporting and celebrating with the ones you love. You don't not have to serve your guests. I say no alcohol, if people can't dance without it, they just won't dance, that's their problem and they are the only one's making it a problem. We aren't serving any alcohol at all. It saves loads of money.

willowprincess

we are not having alcohol, and i have no worries about the dancing issue. people who want to dance will dance regardless of whether they drink or not, and those who require alcohol probably don't need to be dancing anyway. lol. jk.
but seriously, don't feel you need to have alcohol to have a great reception. most of my friends have had dry weddings, and they were a blast.

torilynne86

I'm in a slightly similar situation. Except my fiance is a recovering alcoholic and is completely dead set against alcohol at the reception. His best man is a heavy drinker and my side of the family is....well questionable. I've been having the argument with my family over the issue of alcohol. I don't drink because of my fiance's alcohol issues and none of his family drinks either. I'm afraid my side of the guest list will by highly offended by the absence of alcohol but I can't throw my fiance's wishes out the window. Ultimately, if your guests really care about you...they need to understand.

aerinpegadrak

Yes, a cash bar is rude.  You don't make your guests pull out their wallets at an event you are supposed to be hosting.  I wouldn't have a cover charge at a house party, and I wouldn't make my guests chip in to cover the bar tab.  Some social circles don't mind, but in most people will leave the reception early and you'll be judged pretty harshly.