Help with Damage Control!!!

KaylaMCC1983

My parents are still getting used to the idea of me getting married and still don't seem completely happy with the situation.  My FH and I will be paying for the wedding ourselves and are both concerned because I have a LARGE family (just my side of A-listers is 80 people).  I started dropping hints about the possibility of a destination wedding and my mom had a minor freakout.  The thing is, me and the hubby would like to get married at the Grand Canyon (were from MA) for many reasons, and now I am stressing over just telling her what our actual plans are going to be!  I know its our day and since were paying for it I feel more entitled to just making myself happy, but I don't want this to cause a family disaster.  Any other POV's would be helpful!!

t1nkfan

I'm sorry to hear that it is this stressful!!! I absolutely agree with you - you're paying for it so do what YOU want! There's a lot of girls that have gotten grief over DWs so it's part of the deal - but you just need to come to terms with what is good for you and FI - and then go with it regardless of what the outcomes may be if that is what you decide to do. Where ever you do your wedding - someone isn't going to be happy about something - so pick which battle you're willing to have Good luck! Grand Canyon sounds awesome - btw!

chosen175

We NEVER wanted an at-home wedding. So when we got engaged, I broke the news to my very traditional family.... and they were NOT happy. They literally threw adult-sized temper tantrums. First they said they weren't coming, which hurt, but I told them "Well then I guess you'll miss it. We'll send you photos." So they decided they were going. Then they said "Well, we'll go but we won't be happy about it" and I told them "Either be happy, fake being happy, or don't go. Because if you get there and ruin my day, I will ask you to leave." They didn't like that, so they started offering us money to pay for a huge wedding at home. By this point, we were having problems with our DW venue and since we didn't have the money to go back down for a second scouting trip, we started planning a SMALL wedding back home. Just a few weeks ago, we realized the at-home wedding was NOT what we wanted at all and that if we went through with it, we'd be miserable. And I'll be darned if I'm going to spend all that money on making myself miserable! So we've gone back to our original DW plan. And I'm at the point where I really and truly don't care if they come or not. The people who love us and care for us will be there to support us and the rest of them can bite me. So whatever you decide, you have to be 100% willing to not have a single person there. And you have to be able to put up with a LOT of b.s. without letting them get to you. If they have a fit, let them. End the conversation and don't bring it up again. When you break the news, you can always tell them you've already paid deposits so there's no backing out now. They'll either come around or they won't. But when you think about about it, you would never spend thousands of dollars to intentionally make yourself miserable so why start on your wedding day? Good luck!

Future.Mrs.H.

Most of us go through the same thing with our families. In our case was FILs, they did not like the idea and tried over and over again to make us feel guilty for not aving an "at home wedding" (their home in MI), we live in CO and I'm from PR, so even if we were oing to have an at hoem wedding it wouldn't have been in MI anyway. Beside a DW is what we wanted since the begining, even before we were engaged. So we stuck to our plans, no matter how much they complained. After all we are paying for it and it is what we want and it is our wedding. They already got married how they wanted to, now it's our turn. They decided not to come to the wedding, and FI was a bit hurt and upset at the begining, but we accepted their decision not to go and we are ok with that...all that matters to us, is that we have each other and we are gonna have the wedding of our dreams.Good Luck!

suannoch

I have to agree with pp, there always seems to be some resistance at first, but if you stay with what you want, people (usually) seem to come around and start to embrace the idea. Keep to your ideas - it's definitely true - why would you start out your married life doing something you totally don't want to do?!?

emcclure84

We are in the same situation. We decided on a DW because just like you, my A-list was about 90 people, and FI's was like 10. We decided we wanted it to be more intimate and had been talking about a DW for a year before we were actually engaged. Now his mother is throwing a hissy fit and saying she's not going to go because SHE doesn't want to and SHE won't have fun or enjoy any of it. Blah blah blah. It has upset us both so many times that we have finally decided that the next time she says she's not going (which will happen, she changes her mind about every 2 weeks) that we are just going to tell her that's fine, and it's your final decision and we will no longer be discussing any of our wedding plans with you, let's move on. I am an extremely emotional person so for her to act like this has caused me a lot of grief, but FI and I are finally to the point where we don't care. My parents are going, and some of our very close friends and as sad as it is, all of those people are more important to us than his mother. If you want to get married at the Grand Canyon I say go for it! It's all about the two of you, nobody else, and you need to do what makes you happy.