Its just rude....

BMBrinson

So everyone is getting the STDs...YAY! But the fall out is occuring. I have had 2 facebook message about "where is mine." Both have seen them at their parents homes. I have a huge extended family (my dad is one of 12), both of these people are cousins who I never talk to and prob don't care about what I do in life. I think it is very rude to ask "where is my invite at". I don't really know what to say (I hate to be mean). We are having a large wedding (210) but I really can't invite everyone, so I stuck with close cousins and Aunts and Uncles. On my dad's side alone that 24 Aunts and Uncles ( I can't even count how many cousins) 

Oh and my FMIL called and asked one of her friends if she had gotten a STD, when she had told us to put her the maybe list a few weeks ago! And then got mad at me because she forgot she did this and "she feels bad because they invited her to their son's wedding." 

Has any one else had this happen? What did you say? I just read these messages and I am at a complete loss for words. Obviously if you did not get one...you're not invited...sorry

 

pzavecz

Dude people are SO rude!  I can't believe how desperate some people are just to go to a wedding.  I mean, I know they are fun and all but come on....

I'm not even going to put up with that kinda ish...It's like: you're not on the invite list.  TOO BAD...and I don't have to explain myself to you about why you're not invited.  You're just not.  If it were me, if someone I didn't care enough about to invite (like some distant cousin I never met) asked me where their invite was, I would just say "Well, if you didn't get an invite....it means you weren't invited."  But then again, I'm a bitch like that.  I respond to rudeness with rudeness.  Haha.  

pzavecz

...or I would just ignore them too if you don't want to be mean like me.  Lol.  Especially if they're just asking you via fb.  Just ignore and pretend like you didn't see their message.  

PattySmith101

i had a very similar problem this week .... i work in a restaurant as a waitress < i have worked on and off there for the past 15 years> i only invited 6 people from there and their significant others < the people i have known for 15 years and 1 person i am close to who i have only known for 5 years> well the hostest found out she wasnt invited this past week so she was hurt and decided she wasnt speaking to me or seating me... it was ridiculus it got so bad at the end of the day the manager had to pull her in the office to talk to her! she was acting like a child < she is 50 years old> then she "explains" to me she didn't expect to be invited she was just hurt that she wasnt! i was like if you didnt expect to be invited why would you be hurt that you werent!?! its not like i invited everyone but her! she also said " well your nice to me so i thought we were friends" i am nice to you because we are coworkers i am nice to all my coworkers its not like i am doing things with her outside of work like i do with the 5 people that are invited! apparrently i should have talked to her before i sent out my stds and told her she wasnt invited according to her... i am sorry am i supposed to go up to everyone that isnt invited and tell them " just so you know you are not invited" uggg so frustrating! people that have known me longer there are not upset about it only this women! they saw how she was acting and started joking around about it but they werent serious!

and its not like i talk about the wedding in front of people that arent invited... i mailed the stds i didnt hand them out at work!

shoebie

We went through hell when out STD's went out. I just got fed up with everyone and told them listen our budget is tight and we have to keep it small if i invited you I would have to invite all the cousins which would add over $x ...

BrittneyRN

I would just say that your budget/space limit did not allow you to invite everyone you would have liked to. I also agree that it is very rude...I hate when people ask that!

achiduck

It's super rude and you're not required to justify your decisions. If you do feel the need to say something go with "Sorry, but due to space/budget concerns we just weren't able to include everyone we wanted to. Now what about that crazy weather."

lehc723

Ugh, sorry you're having to go through that. We just mailed out our STDs and this is my new fear, especially from my cousins. On my mom's side, I have fourteen cousins, all of whom have their own families, and at most, I've met or seen any of them four times, tops (some once or even never!), so I only invited my aunts and uncles on that side. But I did have one cousin recently (before STDs went out) say, "We'll see you at the wedding!" and I just kind of avoided it (which was bad on my part, but it was in person and I was too nervous and awkward about it).

It's just rude. You should NEVER assume you're invited to a wedding. Ever.

Good luck with your family and friends and whatnot with this. :-/

Cecelie86

It is simply amazing how rude people can be when it comes to weddings.  Sometimes it feels like you have to invite the entire planet just to not hurt any feelings. I believe it's not the fact that they want to come, sometimes it's the ego boost they would like so they feel like they are wanted somewhere? Does that make sense? It's social psychology. It's kind of like when someone doesn't add another person as a friend on facebook (petty I know, but it happens). A lot of times feelings are hurt.  We are social creatures. I read a study a while go about people who where rejected in so social situation reporting lower self esteem and in extreme cases a lower meaning of life. It's human for them to want to be invited, but it's not so polite for them to be so rude. I chalk up the rudeness of people to social psychology. (Yay! Finally using my degree!! ) 

It will be okay. They will get over it.  Heck, yesterday someone I knew from church asked me my name then asked for a wedding invite. Talk about miffed, I told him he was invited (he was already on the invite list). But I was still quiet annoyed.  Prepare yourself, you can’t make everyone happy in a wedding.  Good luck. Hope I didn't make anyone angry with my novel. lol. I mean well.  

I found this on a wedding bee: 

http://boards.weddingbee.com/topic/did-you-send-stds-to-everyone-on-guest-list

There's a few ways to look at it.  I usually explain it to my brides like this:

Send them to everyone if it's a destination wedding for the majority of your guests, it's short term, or it's an especially long engagement but you've booked your venue with no plans/reason to change it.

If there are a lot of people on your guest list you don't know or care (or even want!) to come, don't send them a save the date.  The point of them is to give people additional time to take care of travel arrangements/time off/babysitters, whatever.  

You can be a little more casual with the etiquette of them - send one per household even if there are people over the age of 18, multiple couples, whatever.

The most important advice - don't send one to anyone you aren't 100% ABSOLUTELY sure will be getting an invitation.  You'll save yourself a ton of headaches and drama.

BMBrinson

 Cecelie86: I sent STD to everyone on the guest list, and all of them will be invited to the wedding. These people saw them at someone elses house.  I'm not having children at the wedding so no one under 18 would get one any way. Its not a destination wedding or anything, but we have been engaged for over a year, many guest will need to make arrangements for children, or travel (plus everyone kept asking when we were sending them).  So I don't think I made an error here...

 Also becareful with the being a vendor talk here on the knot...some other boards freak out and will report you since this is supposed to be vendor free zone (apparently even if you are a bride vendor...I've seen it happen)

BMBrinson

Sorry just realized you copied that from the Wedding bee...but still be careful any mention of being a vendor on some boards can get you in trouble 

cbear215

I had the same thing happen to me!!!  I was asked if a certain person was getting invited and then when I wrote back no, sorry, she's not, she wrote back and asked me why we weren't inviting her!!!  I couldn't believe it!!  I'm going to say what some of the other girls in this thread mentioned...that we just couldn't invite everyone that we wanted to. 

nani1012

I had this recently happen to me so you're not alone. One cousin who I hardly see was asking where her std was. The issue: I have 27 first cousins, nit counting SOs and their kids, or even step cousins. My parents are helping and the mom decided to give in, but it's caused an issue of we're close to our limit. And I fear that some of them might try to bring the little ones to the wedding. Their not invited, but I've heard of people trying to add lil' Suzy. We'll see how this goes.

Since you're paying for it, you have more control over who is invited. So you can say that budget and space is limited.