Colorado-Denver

Save the Dates, or no Save the Dates?

Hi all!  I'm looking for some advice about Save the Dates and whether they're a fit for the wedding my fiance and I are doing in August '12--

Our wedding is going to be pretty non-traditional-- our goal was to have our closest friends and family come stay for three nights all together in one place, where everyone could spend time together, hike, etc., then we are conducting our own wedding on the last day.  No coordinators, no caterers, etc-- just us, our guest list, and photographers.

Our venue is called the Red Rock Ranch in Westcliffe, CO-- it's an 1,100 acre estate mostly used for family reunions, with three large houses that can sleep about fifty in total.  You rent it like you rent a beach house-- they give you the keys and its yours for the weekend, with no one present or running anything for you.  One piece of this venue, though, is they set a strict maximum of 50 people-- it's good, in that it will keep us to our goal of a small wedding, but makes invites very inflexible.

So here's the situation-- right now we have a guest list of fifty, but that includes about 10 extended family members from my fiance's side that we are hoping may not all come.  (If even half don't come, that will open up space for a few extra friends we would really like to invite!)    His extended family centers in Rochester, NY, and his parents are throwing us an engagement party there this Thanksgiving when most of his family will be there.  We are hoping some will come to that, but will not end up coming to the wedding.

So, do we do Save the Dates if we are actually hoping a handful of people on the initial guest list won't come?  And if we're going to have to do invites in waves, inviting the initial guests early (around March) and then inviting the next few as we get any "no"s, is it weird if some of the later invites never got a save the date to begin with?  But considering our wedding date is set and everyone invited will have to travel to Colorado from out east, are Save the Dates necessary?  How much do you think it will up the chance that the people we're hoping won't make the trip actually will?  But on the flip side, how much would not sending them hurt the chance that the people we really want there won't be able to come?  Most everyone invited has been told the date at some point, but I'm trying to figure out how much official Save Date cards will move people from yes to no, or no to yes.

Thanks ladies!


Re: Save the Dates, or no Save the Dates?

  • edited December 2011
    i would say yes! send out STDs! they need to know if they need plane/car/train/bus reservations

    :D
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  • HeywhitneyHeywhitney member
    100 Comments
    edited December 2011
    I say don't send them.  I sent Save the Dates and I kinda regretted it.  It was fun as far as planning went, but in the end we sent a few Save the Dates to people we wish we hadn't invited in the end.  We sent them according to ettiquete...6 months out and when it came time to send the invites at the 2 month mark, we had to invite those we had second guessed.  It kinda locks you in to inviting those people.

    Plus, even sending Save the Dates doesn't really mean a person will write it down.  I can't tell you how many no's we got in our RSVPs because the people forgot the date and had made other plans.  I felt like I wasted some $$

    The important people will know your date and plans...or email them the web address to your planning site.
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  • wallacjewallacje member
    2500 Comments Fifth Anniversary 5 Love Its First Answer
    edited December 2011

    Don't send them.  We ended up inviting a few people that when it came time for invitations we didn't really want to invite, but turns out they didn't come anyway.

    I didn't feel like I wasted money, it was more for people to plan ahead since we did a DW.  But you're renting a house so they won't necessarily need to look for accommodations.  Send your regular invites, try to get your guest list as close to what you want when you send out your invites so you don't have to send out "waves" of invitations too.  If your venue only holds 50 people only invite the 50 you really want to be there, regardless of if they are family or not.  You could always send out annoucements to everyone else that you can't invite after the wedding too.

    Totally agree with Heywhitney on this one: The important people will know your date and plans...or email them the web address to your planning site.

  • edited December 2011
    Send them, but only to close family/friends you absolutely want to come.
    Anniversary
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