North Carolina-Outer Banks

Bridal Party HELP...a bit long, sorry!

I know this type of post may belong in the "wedding party" board, but I am sure I will get chewed up, so I am posting for your help here since I love my OBX brides/groom! 

I need some input re my wedding party. We aren't sure if we want just FI's brother as the BM and my sister as the MOH or a whole wedding party.  FI has a huge group of close friends, and it would be hard for him to pick just a few to be in the wedding.  I have 4 best friends from college and other bestie I would love to all have in my party, so 5 total (plus sister as MOH), which I think is a good size.

So here are the issues- my best friend (K) is no longer friends with one of my other friends (A).  Long story, but basically A is now seriously dating K's ex BF.   Other good friend J is no longer close with A either, but another long story, they are no longer friends.  Other friend L lives out of country.  So that sums up my group of close friends, we were all super close at one time, lived together all through college and were close for 9 years and now are completely broken up just over the past year and a half :(.  I have one other great friend (H) who I would want to include how gets along with all.

My options are:
- MOH/BM only- simple and drama free
- Best friend K & H and MOH (with three total on his side)- this excludes the drama with my college friends and still allows me to have two of my best friends part of the day, but will cause some friction with the girls I don't include
-All friends (6 total on each side) with insane drama

To add to this, my friends now live all throughout the country.  I have seen all (expect L who is out of the country) since I have been engaged, and all want to know about the wedding and wedding party (not poking around in a rude way, just excited for me and wondering if they should plan to be a part of the day if that makes sense).  I have ultimately ended up telling all of them I am confused right now.  With the exception of this weekend when best friend K came down.  I am in her wedding in three months, we go talking about it, I broke down and said she needed to be part of the day, whither its a reading or a bridesmaid. 

This on my mind all the time.  I was totally leaning towards just my sister as MOH, but don't want to put all that responsibility solely on her for a number of reasons.  I also think about how much fun it would be to share with day with my best friends. 

So now that I have completely confused you...any opinions on what the heck I should do?

Re: Bridal Party HELP...a bit long, sorry!

  • obxlaurakobxlaurak member
    10 Comments
    edited December 2011
    I think you should go with option 1 or 2.  I would try to make things as drama and stress free as possible for you.  It sounds like it is important to you that K & H are involved.

    It's tough and totally political.  I am only having my sister and FSIL because if I have X, then I'll have to have Y and Z.  So for me, keeping it drama free is important!
  • edited December 2011
    We opted not to do a bridal party at all... we just didn't want the drama. :)

    Looking back, my husband's brother and my brother's fiance both acted as our right hands.  We probably could have made them our best man and maid of honor without issue.  You WILL appreciate having someone there to take care of all the little things though.  She helped me get into my dress, took care of my accessories, wrote on our car, etc.  He helped DH get dressed, set up sound, and clean up at the end of the night. 

    I think the smaller your BP is, the better.
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  • edited December 2011
    I agree with Obxlaurak, and would go with option 1 or 2. I think the least amount of drama the better. You don't want to be in the middle of your friend's bs on your wedding day! If it is well known that certain girls don't get along, I don't think they would be too surprised to not be included in your bridal party. No one wants the awkwardness. And if you only have a MOH or MOH + 2 BMs, the other girls can still be involved - they can still attend your shower, bachelorette, and help with the planning/diy projects if you need them to.
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  • rebecca2929rebecca2929 member
    100 Comments
    edited December 2011
    I would go with just the MOH and Best Man.  It's drama free and you won't have to worry about one friend calling and complaining about another friend...it just adds to the stress of everything else you have to deal with.  I opted for my best friend as the MOH and my Fiance's 5 yo daughter as the Jr. Bride and his brother as the Best Man and our neighbor's little boy as the ring bearer.  I'd keep it as simple as I could to keep the stress from piling on.
    Anniversary
  • mparwulskimparwulski member
    100 Comments
    edited December 2011
    I am doing it clean and simple.  My sister is my MOH, very good friend of FI is his BM.  2 FGs and 2 RBs because I wanted the kids to have fun and have it be about family.  Anyone else important will be there too.  You'd be surprised who you're still friends with 5, 10, 20 years from now.
  • JAK33JAK33 member
    100 Comments
    edited December 2011
    Thanks all, I think I will go with MOD/BM only and have our best friends be a part of it in some other way (reading, etc).  As always, appreciate your help!!
  • edited December 2011
    I was going to suggest "readings/readers" by the time I read everything you figured it out for yourself! :-)  It's YOUR day and no matter how much drama or inner "bitchings" there might be amongst old flames/friends, the mature person will put their feelings aside, for the day to make sure that you and your hubby's day is the best it can be, and make the memories last a lifetime. 
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  • mparwulskimparwulski member
    100 Comments
    edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/local-wedding-boards_north-carolina-outer-banks_bridal-party-helpa-bit-long-sorry?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Local Wedding BoardsForum:598Discussion:a34561e8-974d-4bac-98bb-9b7d062ae974Post:0ee70409-13a0-403b-92fd-9af1a9cfc1f7">Re: Bridal Party HELP...a bit long, sorry!</a>:
    [QUOTE]I was going to suggest "readings/readers" by the time I read everything you figured it out for yourself! :-)  It's YOUR day and no matter how much drama or inner "bitchings" there might be amongst old flames/friends, the mature person will put their feelings aside, for the day to make sure that you and your hubby's day is the best it can be, and make the memories last a lifetime. 
    Posted by Phillyboy06[/QUOTE]

    Atta boy!
  • edited December 2011
    I agree with PP's, definitely, definitely do just the MOH and BM. Two bridesmaides did not get along in my best friends wedding when I was the MOH and it was so much uneccesary drama that you just DON'T want on your special day. Keep it simple and stress free!
  • llilleyllilley member
    100 Comments Second Anniversary
    edited December 2011
    I had a similar situation and it came down to having 9 (!!!!!) on each side or just MOH and BM.  My sister is my MOH and I sent these cards to all the other girls (an idea I got from A Practical Wedding): 

    Non-bridesmaid [non-brahydz-meyd]

    –noun

    A non-bridesmaid:  comes wedding dress shopping (if she wants), comes to the bachelorette party (if she can), helps out doing whatever she likes to do or is good at (i.e. baking cookies, decorating, or drinking mimosas), helps me get ready day-of (hint: this may involve drinking mimosas), tells me when I’m being bridezilla-ish and listens to my wedding melt downs.

    A non-bridesmaid does NOT:  wear the same dress as the other non-bridesmaids, she wears her own dress instead; carry flowers (if you really want some flowers, I will get you some, just for being such a fabulous friend), stand in the front of all the other guests (but you can sit in the front row if you arm wrestle my brother for his spot!).

     

    On the inside of the cards I wrote something along the lines of "We're not having a traditional birdal party, but this doesn't mean I can do this without you. You friendship has been an amazing gift and means the world to me, thanks for being so awesome."

     

    They seemed to go over well with everyone with the exception of one girl whose feelings were really hurt because she was compltely expecting to be in the bridal party.  She also doesn't like what my sister is planning for the bachelorette party either because she just "doesn't think it's what I really want...."

  • JAK33JAK33 member
    100 Comments
    edited December 2011
    OHH, I LOVE those, they are perfect!  Did you order the cards, have them made, or find them in a store?

    Thanks so much again everyone for all the support, I feel good about this decision!
  • llilleyllilley member
    100 Comments Second Anniversary
    edited December 2011
    @JAK are you talking about my non-bridesmaid cards?  I just made them myself.  Pretty simple--the words and a small stamp covered the front and I just hand wrote in the inside.
  • JAK33JAK33 member
    100 Comments
    edited December 2011
    Thanks lliley, perfect, I may copy you on that one, thanks again!
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