Already Married OBX Knotties...

akryz33

Hi Everyone!

Quick question-
what was your approximate ratio of invites to guests who actually accepted and ventured down to OBX?

I'm getting very nervous at my guest list.  I originally had figured 80 or so will actually make the committment to do the trip from Philly and the NE PA area.  our original invite list was 110-120 or so -that was with both families invites combined as well as ours (and that was with if everyone brought a plus one, and there were plenty that I knew were coming solo with our group of friends).

On a 2nd viewing of a guest list, I realized that the invites were up to 144!! I couldnt believe it when I did a double-check of the list.  I guess I didn't realize that my FMIL had added on so many more people than I originally thought she was going to.  My FI's family has been AWESOME and super generous/helpful during this time, so I didn't make a big deal of it when I got the list, but for some reason didn't really do quite all of the math of all the people that she would like us to invite.  Until my recent heart-attack last week. 

I honestly do not think that all of these 'extra' people will come...but I am worried about two things:
1-these folks will think we are just inviting them b/c we want them to send us gifts but not show up.  I do not know any of them and none of them are particularly close with my FI (just his folks).

2-If everyone shows up that we will be really tight on space at our venue (108 budleigh).

I know all groups are different, but did any of you have a similar circumstance?  What percentage said NO to the RSVP?
And did any of you feel odd about inviting people that you didn't know well? I hate them to think that I'm fishing for gifts, etc. 

I've totally been silently (and some days not silently) freaking out about this. my fiance keeps saying everything will be fine, and things will work out, and we'll ultimately be at our 80 guests or so and stop being a worry-wart...

any advice would be appreciated!

karistiz

I'm not married- but the ladies at Budleigh assured me that 120ish is ideal in terms of space. 

They've seen near 200 and they said that was tight for sure- but the brides all still had a wonderful time.

Chances are, not all 144 guests will show. I just wanted to let you know that even if they do- you'll still be fine!

I'm getting married at Kitty Hawk Pier, and I'm hoping that only 70 show if that lol. We're also inviting near 140. If everyone chooses to come, great. If not, even better!

mandafite821

We invited 70 and 49 people came. If you are nervous about all the extras, I would sit down with your future mother in law and express your concerns. We were very upfront with both sets of parents, and we only invited family and very close friends. If our parents added people they wanted, but we didn't know or even feel close to, we removed them from the list. I completely understand your feelings, and I am sure if you sat down with everyone and explained it, you could cut back your list if that's what you feel you need to do.

OBX2011

We invited about 160 or so and 96 came.  There were several people that were on both of our parents guest list that we hadn't met before, that we knew wouldn't show up, but still sent the invitation out of....respect I guess you would call it?  For example, 2 close friends of my parents, when they were married, know all about my sister and I and have seen pics of us, etc. and they chat with my parents once in a blue moon, and even though I didnt know them personally and we figured they wouldn't be able to make it, both of my parents still wanted to send the invite.  Parents on both sides get really excited about seeing their babies grow up and get married.....they want to share it with everyone! 

Who is paying for the wedding?  If the parents are helping, they get a say -so, especially when it comes to the invites.  Now, this doesn't mean that you should feel rail-roaded in any way, but they do have a say so if they are opening their wallets for this.  Like PP's mentioned, most of these 144 probably won't be able to make it, but you should always be prepared just in case.  If you feel like financially, that all of this can be taken care of and the budget can handle it, then just go with it.  However, if the financial end really is a concern and you want to keep it smaller, then your FI needs to speak to his parents, not you.....at all.  You don't want to rock the boat with the in-laws during the wedding planning process....especially the mother in law! 

If it makes you feel any better, statistically only 70% of those invited to a wedding will actually attend, so there's that.  I would listen to FI on this one.....he sounds like he just wants you to be happy and enjoy this time.  I agree with him

P.S.  And no, people will not think you are being gift-grabby if they get an invite to your wedding.  Don't even worry about that aspect at all.

hibiscus118

We invited 90 people and about 45 showed.  I wouldn't look at it as fishing for gifts.  I think plenty of people have been invited to their friends, kids weddings. 

We however only invited people we knew and wanted to come.  My husband even told his parents that we weren't inviting their friends that we didn't know because we wanted to have a destination wedding with the people WE know and love.  Call it crappy or whatever but it was our wedding.  Yes everyone did pay for some of it, including us.    My dad paid for about half of it and he 100% agreed with us about that aspect of it.  He wanted us to invite who we wanted.  So we did that and don't regret it at all. 

akryz33

Hi Everyone,
Thanks for your suggestions/advice!  I feel much better after reading your posts!
Everyone is helping with the wedding budget here and there, but my FI and I are paying for the majority.

Its a bit too late for a sit-down and rediscuss the guest count, since all of the STD went out already.  I was just the stupid one for not taking a better count of ALL the guests on the lists ( I sent out the STD to my side of the family and FI to his, so I wasn't paying 100% attention to his list...)

I think it was like how OBX2011 said-its the first wedding for both sides of the family and i think that my in-laws just got excited.  they don't have a ton of family, so I think they felt like if they invited one person, then they had to to extend to everyone, including a handful of their close friends.  My FI's family have been beyond wonderful, so to bring it up now would be unnecessary since what's done is done, and I don't want to hurt any feelings.  I should've said something a few months ago-I had my chance then.

But, that being said, I'm glad to hear that many of you had about 25-30% of your guests not be able to make it. 
In the worst case scenerio, we do have the funds to feed all these people if everyone does end up making it (although I'm sure I'll burst into tears writing that check!)  I'm sure once the day comes around, the more the merrier...and if having a few close friends there makes my in-laws happy, then that just adds to the special day.

Ok...now onto the next thing to stress about!

thanks everyone!

ksj10032782

We invited 33, of those 33, 10 didn't come, there were some surprises on people who didn't come, and others suprised me because they did! We could only invite 40 based on our location, but we choose that because we wanted a small intimate wedding. You have the space if EVERYONE ends up coming, so I wouldn't stress over that, and it fits in your budget. At the end of the day, those who want to celebrate with you, will do what they can to be there!

lgrunwerg

We are sending out about 100 invites, but hoping that only about 80 or less come. A lot of our friends from out of state are excited about it, and have been telling us that they can't wait for it, but I am sure that some people aren't going to be able to make it for some reason. We ordered for 80, since we are doing buffet and there will be 2 options (plus plenty of sides), so we figured that if 100 show, then we would still have enough food for everyone.