Speaking of doc visits.. Vent/ WWYD?

chelseamb11

So I got to go to mine this morning for my annual checkup.  Cancer in that region runs in the family so I started getting paps at 18 even though I was not sexually active.  Turned out to be a good idea as eventually they did find precancerous cells.  I'm clear now (thank God), however I still go yearly to get checked.
I went to a new doctor this time around because I got a job, which meant new insurance which meant I couldn't go to my old doctor (which is sad in itself cuz I LOVED her).
I went in this morning (after having sent over my history weeks ago).  I had a nice chat with the doctor, she asked about my wedding plans and yadda yadda yadda.  All was nice and good.  Then came those "questions".  Do you smoke, do you drink are you sexually active, etc.  When I told her I was not active she raised her eyebrows at me and paused for like three seconds.  She said "are you sure you're not sexually active? I thought you were engaged?"......
WOW was I blown away by that! How RUDE!  Yeah lady, I'm engaged.  Is it that uncommon nowadays for someone (even someone Christian) to wait for marriage?  I was so put off, I almost left.  I decided to still get my normal stuff done otherwise who knows when I'd find another doctor and get scheduled.  Am I wrong for being so offended? I know as my gyno it IS her business if I'm active but don't freaking doubt me.
I ended up just confirming "yes I'm sure I'm not sexually active.  I'm waiting for my wedding night".  She looked away awkwardly and then switched the topic to my recent graduation and job plans.  It wa so awkward and I'm definitly not going back to her again.

Okay vent over.  What would you have done?

NotColloquial

FFS, calm down. A lot of people lie to their doctor's because they are embarassed. She was probably just trying to easy any anxiety you had in case you were one of said people.

Riss91

I wouldn't freak out. Do you know how many girls go to her and lie about being sexually active? She's probably just making sure you weren't too embarassed to admit it if you were.

It is very common these days for doctors and the general public to assume that absolutely everyone is sexually active as soon as they realize they have private parts.

Personally, if she has a good reputation, I would probably give her one more chance before I jumped ship. I had a similar visit with my doctor, and after I explained myself, we've been fine ever since. She's still not all "up" on NFP, but she's not judgmental about it. Plus she is one of the best docs in our area.

chelseamb11

I guess, I didn't really think of that.  Idk maybe you just had to be there to see the look on her face.  Even after I confirmed it she looked like she didn't believe me.  But that does make sense, I didn't think of that.  And no worries, I'm calm, I'm just surprised haha.

Calypso1977

see,id be offended.

its not like OP is 15.  i can see the doctor wondering if she was lying if she was a teenager.  but i'm sure OP is at least in her 20's, an adult, and her mom wasnt in the room.  what reason would she have to lie?

i dont think id go back.

agapecarrie

I'd write her a letter as to why you will not be returning. I think its offensive, and this is why I go to Catholic NFP docs.

chelseamb11

Well and honestly I would have hoped that, as a new patient, she would have read my history.  If she had, she would know my visit was not about sexual activity but about cancer prevention.  And calypso is more on my frame of thinking.  I am 22, my mom was DEFINITELY not in the room.  It's not like I was asking for an STD screen....
But I do see everyone elses points too.  I know people lie to their doctors and she was just covering her bases.  I think I might just miss my old doc.  She was so wonderful and knew my history.

Riss91

I agree that you should let her know that her manner was upsetting to you, regardless of whether you stick with her or not. I just believe in giving people second chances. ::shrug::

Honestly, many of my closest friends would have been much more offensive and eyeroll-y if they had asked me the same question, and received that answer. People these days just don't believe that anyone abstains anymore.

catarntina

This reminds me of when I was 17 and went to the doctor for a UTI.  The doctor told me I probably had a sexually trasmitted disease, and not a UTI.  She even said, "Schedule an appointment with an OB, you probably have an STD," without giving me an exam, taking blood, or even asking if I was sexually active.  After many protests about how that would be pretty darn near impossible, she did a urine culture.  Guess what? It was a simple UTI.

At the time, I was mortified because I was not having sex.  My mother was in the room with with me, thinking horrible thoughts about her little girl. 9 years later, it makes me laugh.

In your case, I'd probably have said, "Yeah! I'm SURE I'm not sexually active.  Thanks for being so shocked. I take it as a compliment that we're one of the few who actually waits until the wedding night."

chelseamb11

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/cultural-wedding-boards_catholic-weddings_speaking-of-doc-visits-vent-wwyd?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Cultural Wedding BoardsForum:615Discussion:0aff581c-08df-404e-9b92-c822ede839b0Post:d669c342-ed7c-4a7f-b797-9e926196f29f">Re: Speaking of doc visits.. Vent/ WWYD?</a>:
[QUOTE]This reminds me of when I was 17 and went to the doctor for a UTI.  The doctor told me I probably had a sexually trasmitted disease, and not a UTI.  She even said, "Schedule an appointment with an OB, you probably have an STD," without giving me an exam, taking blood, or even asking if I was sexually active.  After many protests about how that would be pretty darn near impossible, she did a urine culture.  Guess what? It was a simple UTI. At the time, I was mortified because I was not having sex.  My mother was in the room with with me, thinking horrible thoughts about her little girl. 9 years later, it makes me laugh. In your case, I'd probably have said, <strong>"Yeah! I'm SURE I'm not sexually active.  Thanks for being so shocked. I take it as a compliment that we're one of the few who actually waits until the wedding night."</strong>
Posted by catarntina[/QUOTE]


Oh hindsight, why do you have to always be 20/20?
That stinks about the UTI.  What a bad doctor!

professorscience

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/cultural-wedding-boards_catholic-weddings_speaking-of-doc-visits-vent-wwyd?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Cultural Wedding BoardsForum:615Discussion:0aff581c-08df-404e-9b92-c822ede839b0Post:d669c342-ed7c-4a7f-b797-9e926196f29f">Re: Speaking of doc visits.. Vent/ WWYD?</a>:
[QUOTE]This reminds me of when I was 17 and went to the doctor for a UTI.  The doctor told me I probably had a sexually trasmitted disease, and not a UTI.  She even said, "Schedule an appointment with an OB, you probably have an STD," without giving me an exam, taking blood, or even asking if I was sexually active.  After many protests about how that would be pretty darn near impossible, she did a urine culture.  Guess what? It was a simple UTI. At the time, I was mortified because I was not having sex.  My mother was in the room with with me, thinking horrible thoughts about her little girl. 9 years later, it makes me laugh. In your case, I'd probably have said, "Yeah! I'm SURE I'm not sexually active.  Thanks for being so shocked. I take it as a compliment that we're one of the few who actually waits until the wedding night."
Posted by catarntina[/QUOTE]

Oh wow, that reminds me of a doctor asking me, right there with my mom in the room, if "someone had been rough with" me when I went in for an infection. I think I was maybe 16. I nearly died.

ootmother2

I wouldn't take her questions as an implication that she didn't believe you.

I'm a MOB and divorced.  My gyno always asked because I had a small spot of cervical cancer about 15 years ago.

I'm very sorry that you took it as a personal snipe but she really does have to be 100% certain.  Her license to practice medicine depends on it.

and I agree with Riss, I would give her another chance if you liked everything else about her.

Calypso1977

I know people lie to their doctors and she was just covering her bases.

but why would someone in 2011 lie about whether they are currently having sex, ESPECIALLY when they are engaged.  if anything, one woudl assume that youd lie and say "yes we are having sex" if you really werent.

if the question was "have you had more than X partners" i could see a woman of any age lying, because of the stigma that is alive and well that a woman is a slut if she's had more than X partners.  but she didnt ask that.  she just asked if you were currently active, which in theory could mean that you could answer "yes" to being active wtih your fiance - perfectly acceptable according to the stigma/societal "norms".

i just find the whole thing odd. i wouldnt go back.  who knows what other normal things she finds odd.

kathleenkmm

Two of my bffs are doctors. People lie all the time. I really wouldn't take it personally - your doctor is just trying to make sure they can treat you correctly.

NotColloquial

OB/GYNs get lied to all the time by people who are engaged, married, divorced, or otherwise. Adults or not, it happens.

If you lie to her and she doesn't do a certain test because of it, and you die, then your family can sue her and she could lose her licence. She'd have no proof that you lied to her... Maybe she didn't listen or wrote it down wrong. Doctors get screwed a whole lot. Don't take it personally. I'd give her another try.

jazzybacc

Maybe she was just surprised.  Perhaps in her experience it's extremely rare for her to come across someone with such self control and she couldn't help but be shocked.  Honestly I'm impressed with women who wait until their wedding night.. I couldn't do it, and sometimes I'm surprised when someone tells me that.

Try not to be offended. People are from all different walks of life and may not be used to your lifestyle.  Does she know your religious background?  I don't think my gyno does, and even if she did, I don't think it would affect her day-to-day questions.

I would just say, if you still want to make a point of it, something like "I've worked very hard to wait until my wedding night, and I was a little [disappointed/offended/hurt] at your reaction and doubt of that fact."  I'm sure she'll apologize and say she didn't mean to hurt your feelings.

ootmother2

Try to remember that all women, over the age of 18, sexually active or not, should have a PAP annually.  Before that if they are sexually active.

Your PAP would probably have been noted for past cancer cells shown so they would double check everything.

She sounds like a good and efficient doctor to me and I'd stick with her.

ETA:  bel just PMed me an article about the frequency for PAPs being less frequently now.  I just wonder about HPV among younger girls, (teens) who are sexually active without using condoms.  The article did make some very good points so I'll retract that part of my post.

lisa89760

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/cultural-wedding-boards_catholic-weddings_speaking-of-doc-visits-vent-wwyd?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Cultural Wedding BoardsForum:615Discussion:0aff581c-08df-404e-9b92-c822ede839b0Post:7389dc45-4bde-495a-8983-bf39abb937da">Re: Speaking of doc visits.. Vent/ WWYD?</a>:
[QUOTE]<strong>OB/GYNs get lied to all the time by people who are engaged, married, divorced, or otherwise.</strong> Adults or not, it happens. If you lie to her and she doesn't do a certain test because of it, and you die, then your family can sue her and she could lose her licence. She'd have no proof that you lied to her... Maybe she didn't listen or wrote it down wrong. Doctors get screwed a whole lot. Don't take it personally. I'd give her another try.
Posted by NotColloquial[/QUOTE]

This! When my mom got divorced her doctor told her that it oks if you tell me your sexually active again I just need to know, when she said she wasn't.  She was in her 40's!  But some people are embarassed to give that information so I think she was just covering her bases. 

Calypso1977

my doc still gives me a pap annually.  this is changing?

ootmother2

I still get one annually as well.  Let me ask bel to send you the link for that article.

doctabroccoli

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/cultural-wedding-boards_catholic-weddings_speaking-of-doc-visits-vent-wwyd?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Cultural Wedding BoardsForum:615Discussion:0aff581c-08df-404e-9b92-c822ede839b0Post:093943ed-5ad4-4fde-acf0-6b057d2e56a3">Re: Speaking of doc visits.. Vent/ WWYD?</a>:
[QUOTE]my doc still gives me a pap annually.  this is changing?
Posted by Calypso1977[/QUOTE]

The specific regulations now are an annual exam with a pap only every other year.  I'm sure if you demand one every year they'd do it.  But since I still get my healthcare from the university, they like to be cheap @ssholes.

lisa89760

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/cultural-wedding-boards_catholic-weddings_speaking-of-doc-visits-vent-wwyd?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Cultural Wedding BoardsForum:615Discussion:0aff581c-08df-404e-9b92-c822ede839b0Post:bd7813de-60fe-4380-bc29-6d5f1111e889">Re: Speaking of doc visits.. Vent/ WWYD?</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Speaking of doc visits.. Vent/ WWYD? : The specific regulations now are an annual exam with a pap only every other year.  I'm sure if you demand one every year they'd do it.  But since I still get my healthcare from the university, they like to be cheap @ssholes.
Posted by doctabroccoli[/QUOTE]

My doc switched to every other year for pap smears.  I think I read in the article that they will go back to every year if you have an irregular one...but I'm not 100% sure.

Calypso1977

hmm...  i had one last year, so i'll let you know if they give me one tomorrow.

wouldnt a papsmear be considered preventative care?  seems odd they would cut back to every other year.

doctabroccoli

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/cultural-wedding-boards_catholic-weddings_speaking-of-doc-visits-vent-wwyd?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Cultural Wedding BoardsForum:615Discussion:0aff581c-08df-404e-9b92-c822ede839b0Post:a3d50dc7-193e-46d5-a792-c7b771e3b2ec">Re: Speaking of doc visits.. Vent/ WWYD?</a>:
[QUOTE]hmm...  i had one last year, so i'll let you know if they give me one tomorrow. wouldnt a papsmear be considered preventative care?  seems odd they would cut back to every other year.
Posted by Calypso1977[/QUOTE]

Yeah, it's just been within the past two or so years.  But since my university health service refuses to do anything for you unless you practically hold them at gunpoint, mine have been reduced (well until I get new healthcare with my new job in August) to every other year.

Meg1036

I don't specifically research pap smears, but I do some research related to the reason why they are now recommending that they be done less often, specifically for women without a history of abonormal paps who are in monogamous relationships (i.e., low-risk).   I don't have time to get my resources etc., now, because I'm in a complete dissertation-writing crunch, but there are good articles on this.  I find it interesting though, so I am going to try to drop in my 2 cents.

For each abnormal pap, there is some probability of it being due truly to a problem like cancer/pre-cancerous cells, and some probability that it is really nothing.  Each pap costs money, as does follow-up care on abnormal paps.  For low risk-women, the cost-effectiveness and even effectiveness of an annual pap is quite low (cost-effectiveness is often defined as money spent per life saved, or money per cancer averted, etc.)  The cost-effectiveness is much better if the pap is done every 2-3 years.

And it sounds crass to talk about cost-effectiveness in medicine, but it is something that insurance payors worry about, and that we all should worry about in the interest of keeping healthcare costs down.  In fact, the doctors/committees who have made the recommendations on paps considered cost-effectiveness lightly - there isn't really that big of a difference in effectiveness.

Also, its a complete fallacy that all preventative care is worthwhile.  Some, like vaccines, clearly are cost- and life- saving.  Other preventative care is very expensive for limited benefit.  I point this out only because political debate casts preventative care as a complete win-win, but its not, unless certain constraints are put on it, or we develop an infinite capacity to pay for healthcare.

Calypso1977

are paps very costly to process?  i can see the doctor's time being costly, but if you are paying for the office visit anyway?

Meg1036

Calypso - I'm not an expert on paps, but there between a 25-50% false positive rate on the tests, and the follow-up procedures are very expensive (and also invasive).

There is actually a similar argument for less frequent screening of breast cancer in low-risk women between 40 and 50 years old (that study came out about 2 years ago, and hasn't been implemented due to uproar over it), and also for not treating prostate cancer in elderly men (most of them die of something else altogether, and its not clear treatment actually works).

One of the studies that was part of coming to this conclusion in the case of paps is here (not sure if otheres can see it, I am accessing from an academic institution with journal rights).

mica178

People lie to doctors all the time. We're taught to question everything because lying is so prevalent. The most common way to get precancerous cells on ones cervix is through some form of sexual activity (although it doesn't have to be the "full" act of sex). Your doctor was correct in questioning you, although the approach might not have been the best. If you have a history of an abnormal Pap, you should get annual tests. People with perfect Pap histories can space it out to every 2-3 years.