Bitter sweet holidays

DaisyJaime

I have'nt logged on in a bit, but I wanted to share and vent out a little.  Unfortunately my loving grandmother passed away on the 12th of Dec.  My father is still coping with the loss and these holidays were like they've never been before.  But thank God we were able to be together to show support to one another during Christmas.

I need to  have a conversation with my parents regarding any plans or thoughts about postponing our wedding this coming August. 

It doesn't worry me to pospone it, the only thing that brings me down besides the loss of my grandma is the loss of interest towards any wedding details or plans. The joy of it all seems to be numb right now and don't kniw how long it will last. 

Thanks for reading this. 

Calypso1977

Daisy, i'm so sorry about your grandma.  That is always hard, especialy at the holidays.

i would proceed with your august wedding as planned.  even if you take a month or two to mourn, you still have plenty of time to put things together.  i think your grandma would want you to still have your joyous day, and i know she will be looking down on you that day and will be with you.

Resa77

I agree that you should go on with the date you've already planned.  Are you parents planning/paying for the wedding?  I can see how it would be very stressful.  I am getting married in August, and my parents are paying for the wedding.  If my parents were mourning, and seemed entirely disinterested in wedding plans, I would feel stressed about getting everything done for the wedding, but also feel weird about talking to them about it, since I'd of course want to be sensitive to their feelings.

I would give it another month, and at that point I think it might be appropriate to bring it up.  Maybe bring it up to your mom first.  Remember, the first Christmas after someone passes away is usually very difficult, even if it's been months.  They had to deal with this loss in the midst of the holiday season, which I'm sure has been very diificult. 

I'm sorry for this loss, and I hope it all works out.  Good luck!

professorscience

I think that once the initial pain of the loss passes, the preparation for your wedding will be an even bigger source of joy for your family.  My husband's neighbor lost her grandmother just a few weeks before her wedding -- obviously there was nothing they could do to postpone.  They ended up putting a large dedication to her along with the "in memory of..." in the program because it was so fresh on everyone's minds.  It was a beautiful tribute and you could tell everyone was just so happy to be celebrating instead of mourning.

jfellows82

I'm so sorry for your loss.  My dad lost his mother last year, and the first Christmas was really hard on him, so I understand what your family is going through.

I wouldn't postpone the wedding.  No matter when you have it, it will be said that she's not there.  And after the initial pain wears off a little, it may help your dad (and the rest of your family) to have something joyful to look forward to. 

DaisyJaime

Thank you so much for your kind words. I really wanted to hear some input on opinions out there. I understand that different people process mournings different.  And regardless, people are going to have something to say whether it is positive or negative regarding the date of the wedding, but as long as we are okay with it then we should be okay. I will give it time to heal. Thanks.

I do feel as if my grandmother would have liked for me to continue with the wedding plans. Although distance kept us apart, we were very close at heart.

 To answer pp, my parents are not paying for the wedding but if they would ask me to postone i would definetly do it out of respect but i like the idea our priest gave me today, to offer our wedding mass to her memory aswell. When i speak to my parents I will mention that to them and i hope they like it.

jfellows82

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/cultural-wedding-boards_catholic-weddings_bitter-sweet-holidays?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Cultural%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:615Discussion:1c5c5ecf-09aa-45a0-9324-4785c1bb9a8cPost:b2746e5d-a3e3-49e2-9cb3-97039b4f3478">Re: Bitter sweet holidays</a>:
[QUOTE]Thank you so much for your kind words. I really wanted to hear some input on opinions out there. I understand that different people process mournings different.  And regardless, people are going to have something to say whether it is positive or negative regarding the date of the wedding, but as long as we are okay with it then we should be okay. I will give it time to heal. Thanks. I do feel as if my grandmother would have liked for me to continue with the wedding plans. Although distance kept us apart, we were very close at heart.  To answer pp, my parents are not paying for the wedding but if they would ask me to postone i would definetly do it out of respect but i like the idea our priest gave me today,<strong> to offer our wedding mass to her memory</strong> aswell. When i speak to my parents I will mention that to them and i hope they like it.
Posted by DaisyJaime[/QUOTE]<div>
</div><div>I think that would be beautiful!

</div>

lmeade62

My husband and I both have lost a parent -his father and my mother - and at the beginning of the ceremony, we had his son and my niece walk up pictures of them, and place them on a table at the front of the church. It isn't as fresh a loss as yours - my mother has been gone for ten years, and his dad for longer than that - but it was so special to have that physical representation of them there.

Many hugs to you - let yourself grieve the loss, then feel the joy of your upcoming wedding. I think your thought that this is what your grandmother would want is probably exactly right.

Linda

DaisyJaime

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/cultural-wedding-boards_catholic-weddings_bitter-sweet-holidays?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Cultural%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:615Discussion:1c5c5ecf-09aa-45a0-9324-4785c1bb9a8cPost:8de23579-d5b5-489f-a1d1-5c22d56af51f">Re: Bitter sweet holidays</a>:
[QUOTE]My husband and I both have lost a parent -his father and my mother - and <span style="font-weight:bold;" class="Apple-style-span">at the beginning of the ceremony, we had his son and my niece walk up pictures of them, and place them on a table at the front of the church. </span>It isn't as fresh a loss as yours - my mother has been gone for ten years, and his dad for longer than that - but it was so special to have that physical representation of them there. Many hugs to you - let yourself grieve the loss, then feel the joy of your upcoming wedding. I think your thought that this is what your grandmother would want is probably exactly right. Linda
Posted by lmeade62[/QUOTE]

<div>This is such a beautiful gesture. I will mention it and hopefully we can do something similar. it would mean so much for my father and family. Thank you for sharing that. I think this unfortunate experience will make my "day" that much more special.</div><div>
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