advice needed about BM dress!

GG825

Hi ladies! I'm in need of some advice...

My wedding is in a month and a half, and we are having a full Nuptial Mass with a large wedding party. One of my bridesmaids has been one of my closest friends for the past 10 years, and she is discerning which religious order she is called to join! She's excited, and I'm very happy for her!

She just told me today that she is "not sure" she'll be comfortable in the BM dress. She never said anything to me before about not feeling comfortable in the dress, but I think she spoke up because of her modesty & humility... she doesn't want to spoil my wedding day by being picky about her clothes, but I also think she genuinely desires to dress more modestly.

We picked out the dress in January and she paid for it on her own. Here's the dress we picked out: http://barijay.com/style.php?style=917. I didn't think they were immodest, especially since the top can be tied as high as needed. The dress designer, Bari Jay, has a terrible selection of chiffon jackets/shawls, and I don't think any other fabric would match the dress. The color is 'eggplant'--an impossible color to match to any other designer. 

She just never spoke up before now! I'm just stumped about what to do. I want her to feel comfortable, but I don't know how to go about making her dress more modest... especially in the little time we have remaining before the wedding!! Any suggestions?

Riss91

Pretty dress! I wouldn't try to match the BM dress color perfectly, I would try to find a chiffon (or coordinating) fabric in a couple of shades darker that goes with the color. I'd also offer this as an option to your other BMs. Like this (sorry - couldn't find any real pictures).

One
or
Two

ootmother2

That's a beautiful dress and I don't think it's immodest but I'm not your BM trying to decide.

Your wedding is in a month an a half?  I really don't know what you can do for her, pashmina possibly?

chelseamb11

I agree with the darker color thing.  I was just at a wedding that had these super cute cropped short sleeve jackets that only fell just to below the breastline.  Adding that will keep it classy without her "ruining your wedding" (which I doubt her attire would do anyway)

lmeade62

What an absolutely beautiful, classy, elegant dress. I agree with PPs - perhaps a shawl or drape over the shoulders in a softly contrasting color would help your friend feel more comfortable. How lovely that you are being so considerate of her feelings...what a good friend you are!

Linda

Calypso1977

the dress i have to wear for a wedding next month has a similar styled halter top.  as someone who is extremely modest, i feel very uncomfortable wearing the dress.  this dress was also a compromise - she originally wanted us in strapless, but i told her that i could not wear a strapless in a church.  given the designer she insisted on going with, there were virtually no choices if one didnt want strapless other than this one and one that had a tank top with a weird empire waist (the maternity friendly gown) .while the girls in my BM dress are a bit more covered than in the dress you have picked out, my shoulders and back are very exposed.  so, i can completley see where she is coming from.

Im also a D cup and just now i was in near tears trying to find a bra at VSC that would work.  nothing held me up.

see if you can find a nice wrap or bolero for her.  she'd appreciate it - i know i would.

monkeysip

I too would feel uncomfortable just because I always cover my shoulders in church. But it is a very cute dress.  

Another option I've seen at a lot of weddings lately is to use a cardigan (a small, polished, one--nothing sloppy or baggy).  I actually would prefer a little cardigan to a bolero or shawl.  Just throwing another option out there.  She could always use the cardigan again.

ellen73

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/cultural-wedding-boards_catholic-weddings_advice-needed-bm-dress?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Cultural%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:615Discussion:28bc993d-2847-46e2-9e86-121918bdef55Post:07420e03-5b51-45bf-a559-39180a0bcf6b">Re: advice needed about BM dress!</a>:
[QUOTE]the dress i have to wear for a wedding next month has a similar styled halter top.  as someone who is extremely modest, i feel very uncomfortable wearing the dress.  this dress was also a compromise - she originally wanted us in strapless, but i told her that i could not wear a strapless in a church.  given the designer she insisted on going with, there were virtually no choices if one didnt want strapless other than this one and one that had a tank top with a weird empire waist (the maternity friendly gown) .while the girls in my BM dress are a bit more covered than in the dress you have picked out, my shoulders and back are very exposed.  so, i can completley see where she is coming from. Im also a D cup and just now i was in near tears trying to find a bra at VSC that would work.  nothing held me up. see if you can find a nice wrap or bolero for her.  she'd appreciate it - i know i would.
Posted by Calypso1977[/QUOTE]<div>
</div><div>Try going to a specialty bra place.   They are simply amazing!!  It will be more expensive than VS,  but the quality will be so much better, too.   The place I went even altered the bra for me for my wedding, so it was perfect for the dress & for me. 

</div>

agapecarrie

I'm gonna throw something out here that will probably be foreign to most people....but who says all dresses have to be alike, or even the same color?

My friend had a girl who was a postulant with the sisters of life in her wedding party. She wore her jumper habit with a long sleeve shirt (turtleneck? don't remember). 

bibliophile2010

Eh, I think most of the girls on here who lurk/participate on the international boards would agree that dresses don't have to match, but many prefer that the coordinate in some way.

I know my only requirements are grey and appropriate for church. (I care more about modesty than the church, so I trusted these women to make good choices, and they have.)

OP -- I think you got some great advice and would agree with some kind of pashmina or shawl or covering. I got a pashmina at my sister's fall wedding and pretty much lived in it all winter, meaning it was a great gift!

newlyseliski

I'd definitely vote with the PPs on getting a Pashmina that's a little darker eggplant color!  It would be very elegant and work well with the dress style... a bolero would probably not fit the style quite as well.  A different style dress is probably out of the question if you're close to the wedding date

My other recommendation would be to find a seamstress who might be able to match the chiffon and sew a "top" that integrates with the dress style and suits your bridesmaid's sense of modesty!  I did that with my strapless wedding dress and was very happy with the results.

Riss91

Just another thought - some of my BMs were so short, they had almost a foot of material hemmed off their dresses (which was used to make cap sleeves for all that picked more bare styles). If your BM is shorter, she might be able to have her seamstress use the extra fabric as a cover-up.

doctabroccoli

Does your BM have a large bust? I'm only a c-cup, but I would be worried about falling out of that dress if I moved the wrong way. Maybe that's her concern?

GG825

Thanks for all your advice! So many good ideas!

I'm thinking either a pashmina or using the extra fabric from the length for a shawl will work the best for the time crunch we're in. My BM is on a retreat this weekend but I'm excited to talk to her about all your ideas!! Thanks again!!

ootmother2

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/cultural-wedding-boards_catholic-weddings_advice-needed-bm-dress?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Cultural Wedding BoardsForum:615Discussion:28bc993d-2847-46e2-9e86-121918bdef55Post:a8aea50b-da59-4ef2-90b8-2c3dc9b6a181">Re: advice needed about BM dress!</a>:
[QUOTE]That's a beautiful dress and I don't think it's immodest but I'm not your BM trying to decide. Your wedding is in a month an a half?  I really don't know what you can do for her, pashmina possibly?
Posted by ootmother2[/QUOTE]

Even when she's in a religious order, a pashmina is always nice to have.  You can pull it over yourself when taking a nap, on a plane, bus or train trip if it's cold.

I even took a couple to the hosptial in January when I had surgery because it was just so much nicer and warmer than a hospital blanket.