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Catholic Weddings
MopsieB
member
Catholic wedding fees
Has anyone else noticed how outrageous the weddings fees at most churches have become, even for long-time parishioners?? This is a totally new development and I think the Catholic Church should address it. When my brother got married 10 years ago, it didn't cost anything (except to pay the officiant, of course)...Now, it's not a requested donation, but an upfront fee, generally ranging from $1,000 and up. The next thing you know, they will be charging for other sacraments! Is anyone else as upset as I am about this?
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Re: Catholic wedding fees
I live in NYC and I know that St. Patrick's Cathedral is off the charts other than CSH graduates. They pay no fee other than the musician.
My daughter was married at a lovely church on Cape Cod and the only fee was for the music. $250, used or not. They used her, fabulous soloist and organist.
The priest refused gratuity. It was not their home parish, just a church they loved and wanted for their wedding.
If this is your home parish, perhaps you could talk to the person in charge if you just can't afford the fee? I'm not really sure how that works but try.
ETA: They did their marriage prep in Boston and that was about $300 and they said it was absolutely worth every penny.
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Funny, we were all out to dinner the week after their prep course and they were talking about it. I bet they could not agree on finances. (ootdaughter was a bit spoiled). I asked them how much money they thought it was okay to spend without consulting the other. They each wrote down the amount on a slip of paper and handed it over. I just about fell off my chair because it was exactly the same amount!
How much would it cost to rent out a building of the same size to haul hundreds of your fam and friends for a couple hours?
just a suggestion,
When you post your question on multiple boards, start out with
XP
That means cross post and you are looking for opinions on more than one board. I almost answered you on WW.
Just a suggestion if you are planning on posting on the knot on a regular basis.
GL
"10. How much does it cost to get married in the Catholic Church?
Dioceses often regulate the stipend, or offering to the church, that is customary on the occasion of a wedding. Depending on different areas, this might also include the fee for the organist and vocalist. In a situation of true financial difficulty, couples can come to an agreement with their pastors so that true financial hardship will never prevent a Catholic marriage from taking place."
Our "suggested donation" to the church is $250. Organist is $125 and the Cantor is $100. Our priest straight up said, if we can't pay it, arrangements could be made - he just gets disappointed when people baulk at the price and then show up in a hummer limo.
The Conservatory I got married in the first time around: $850 - on a Friday, plus they charged $100 for 4 candles to be put on their pond. I believe the harpist was another $850 and the officiant, oh I just don't remember....you get the point.
$100 directly to the church's ceremony coordinator
$150 directly to the music coordinator/organist
(extra for other musicians)
It does add up, but I didn't think it was unreasonable. Comapared to what we are paying tor the reception, the ceremony costs aren't that high. I don't feel taken advantage of. I'm happy to give my money to the church I grew up in to keep the lights on, and the building clean, and the roof in good repair. I'm not going to nickle-and-dime my church.
And ditto PPs about all the counseling being well worth it.
ive said this on other threads tho, and i'll say it again here for OP's benefit - the ceremony is the MOST IMPORTANT PART. why do people squawk at paying for that, yet dont bat an eye at blowing money on $100 a plate dinners, or on trivial things like $400 photo booths, $300 worth of favors, or an $800 limo ride???
[QUOTE]i think in some instances, its a very fine line between "suggested donation" and charging for sacraments. ive said this on other threads tho, and i'll say it again here for OP's benefit - the ceremony is the MOST IMPORTANT PART. <strong>why do people squawk at paying for that, yet dont bat an eye at blowing money on $100 a plate dinners, or on trivial things like $400 photo booths, $300 worth of favors, or an $800 limo ride???
</strong>Posted by Calypso1977[/QUOTE]
Unfortunately, I think the answer is that most people have lost perspective (possibly due to having negative experiences with the Church) and many just like to rank on the Church - because apparantly Catholicism is the only religion that is socially acceptable to criticize. All those extra wedding costs they've decided on their own accord to pay, and the Church fee is being "imposed" upon them.
My thought is that if you love the Church and truly want to receive the sacrament, you wouldn't bat an eye at the fees (unless you were in extreme financial peril). We paid well more than the required amount because we felt that the priests that helped us were really great with us and within their parishes and we wanted to support them.
The church isn't charging for the sacrament - you can get married for free during a regular Sunday mass (though your pre-marital classes may not be free). And, if you speak to a priest, you can likely work something out.
Baby #2: Surprise BFP 9.19.12, EDD 5.24.13, natural m/c 10.19.13 at 9w
they also budget a donation amoutn each month. he puts the amount collected each sunday in the following weeks bulletin and then illustrates the +/- from budget.
we're doing ok now because they came into a few large donations from deceased individuals, but our parish cant sustain being in teh green forever.
However, I'm with Riss in wanting to support and help our parish where we can. We are fortunate enough to be able to give to help those who are in need in the community.
The bottom line for me gets to my Priest's "Hummer" comment and to Calypso's comments: I would feel like a heel donating nothing to the church but spending thousands elsewhere in my wedding.
If you really can't afford a $1000 fee to rent the church, I'm sure the church would work with you. The church won't deny a sacrament to you for inability to pay. And, as PPs pointed out, you can get married during any other scheduled Mass (whether on Sunday or during the week) and there wouldn't be any rental fee.
BUT. If you're spending $1000 on your dress, $50+ per plate for your reception dinner, $500 on invitations, $300 on favors, $500+ on a limo, etc... than you *can* afford a fee to rent the church. You just need to rearrange your budget.
The Sacrament of Marriage is the important part. The party afterward is nice, but what joins you together until death is the ceremony, not the party.
I''m going to share my circumstances with other Catholic brides: My fiance and I are long-time parishioners of our church in Denver. Whereas last year and for all years previous to this one, nothing was ever charged for use of the church, now this new pastor has decided to arbitrarily charge $1,000 TO PARISHIONERS! I am not even sure what he thinks is "reasonable" to charge non-parishioners. I'm not including other fees, like the priest fees, or music or pre cana. I'm simply speaking of the church itself. Now, my brother had a Catholic wedding at the church we grew up in, in Chicago. It cost NOTHING 11 years ago there. My parents also were charged nothing and I have several Catholic friends who were married in years past who were also charged- you guessed it- nothing! I do think this is charging for a sacrament and I think it is wrong, for several reasons:
1. The church is NOT a business, or it shouldn't be. Jesus did not charge the disciples.
2. The church is upset that people are dropping out and/or not marrying. I view these arbitrary charges to be a deterrent to Catholic marriage.
3. If the church needs money to pay for the recent sexual abuse scandals, they should ask for it upfront, not tack on sacrament charges.
4. Long time parishioners are already giving a lot of donations to the church. And if they aren't, that means they probably can't afford it. Should we base our religion now on ability to pay for it? I find that to be sacreligious.
5. Judging by the discrepencies in the answers here, it looks to me as though the churches are allowed to pick a number out of the sky to charge for these weddings and they are not upfront about them. I think they should be published for all to see in the bulletins and capped at a certain number, if they are to continue at all.
6. To all of you who said that we should "negotiate" our fee, we did do that. But it sure felt dirty. Since when is the church a bazaar where one must bargain for a sacrament??
7. I don't know about you, but we don't have an $1,000 lying around! The church is trying to take advantage of the situation- if you want a Catholic wedding, you'd best be able to pay up! It makes me sad. Sorry if that offends anyone here. And thanks again for all of your thoughtful answers.
$1000 does seem steep to me for parishioners.
However, as PP have said, having a wedding is opening up the church on a separate day which requires electricity, heat, cleaning and other expenses. You can get married during a mass for free rather than renting the church on the weekend. Perhaps the previous pastor was not facing the reality regarding the financial circumstances of the church and the new pastor was brought in to keep the church from going bankrupt? (I'm speculating here - but it's a possibility. Many churches are in dire financial straights these days.) Did you ask your priest the reasoning behind the institution of a fee? I'm sure he would be happy to explain.
#3 is irrelevant, I'm sure.
They are not charging for sacraments....
Again, if you were to rent out a hall for the same thing, it would be more expensive.
And the shot about sex abuse was rotten.
I'll agree that the change from $0 to $1000 would be a big change, but have you asked the pastor why this change was made, rather than griping about it on the Internet? It's possible the prior pastor or administrator wasn't great with finances and the parish isn't in a good financial situation. (And yes, a parish's money woes may nothing to do with sex abuse -- which was a silly and cheap shot.)
I find it hard to believe that you don't have $1000. If your total wedding budget is more than $1000, then I think things could be rearranged in your budget -- it's just a question of priorities.
Money is tight at a lot of places for lots of reasons ... sex abuse being the least of them.
I seriously doubt that any of the "Wedding Fees" are going to fund that. Interesting point but not accurate at ally.
"Why do we have to pay to “rent” the church for the wedding?
Any time the parish provides a spiritual service for its members, it is customary to make an offering, a sacrificial offering to the church. It’s an expression of our faith. At the same time it costs money to provide for a wedding. The time the staff spends with you compiling information for its records and preparing you for the ceremony costs money. The forms and literature and registers used in the preparation process cost money. The professional services of the priest or deacon cost money. The use of the church building, including lights, heat or AC, staff on hand to open, prepare, and clean up after, all cost money. It isn’t easy vacuuming up all those sequins that end up embedded in the carpet, not to mention the boutonnière pins that are everywhere. Because Catholics sometimes don’t get the idea of a sacrificial offering, most parishes have resorted to charging a fee for using the church. Call it “rent” if you will."
Father Paul Boudreau
catholicdigest.com
http://www.catholicdigest.com/articles/family/marriage_relationships/2010/02-01/the-catholic-digest-wedding-guide---more-frequently-asked-questions
We all have priorities, but I think I'd rather have a smaller or plainer reception so that I could marry in the church than a larger civil marriage so I could have a large reception. It was a priority for us to marry in a church because we wanted to start our marriage with a solid foundation that involved God and family.
Mopsie, in your parish which you consider poor, I might expect the church to throw out a higher fee number than others, as it likely receives less in regular donations from its parishoners, thus needs to make up a bigger deficit. It is very similar to the progressive income tax that our government employs. Higher income people are paying a higher amount in taxes.
And just a side note regarding the sex abuse scandals - you do realize than many more teachers, parents, family and other caregivers commit these acts than priests, right? Being a journalist, you may actually think there is a higher percentage of cases than there is, because the media brings it into the limelight much more than they do for non-priest sex offenders. I'm not saying it doesn't happen, or that priests should not be punished for it, just saying that the media treatment they receive is far worse than others who have committed the same act.
I'm glad that you went to the highers up to see what could be done at your parish.
as we know, all human beings are flawed. There are priests who make mistakes, but they are far outnumbered by wonderful priests who help the members of their parish and lift the religion as a whole.
Re: sex abuse payoffs, pretty much every American Catholic church carries liability insurance to cover possible legal settlements. For the settlements that exceed the insurance coverage, it is up to the parish to cover those costs, either by closing down facilities or by selling parish assets, as OOT mentioned above. As you are from New Orleans, I doubt your parish is contributing to the huge settlements in Boston or New Jersey.
Also, I was just reading an article in the Denver Post that stated that the Catholic church is considered no higher a liability than any other denomination. If you are losing faith in the church, please do realize that every organization has its weaker links, but as a whole, the Roman Catholic church is a wonderful institution that does far more good than most people in the popular press give it credit.
So, I did some googling, and about 4% of the population are estimated to meet the clinical definition of "pedophile" while about .3% of priests could be classified as pedophiles. even .3% is horrendous and I think there's a sentimental factor that makes abuse by the clergy feel even worse, but I think the numbers help to clarify and put perspective on a problem that affects the general population to an even greater degree.