Length of Gap

MissOwl

Hello Ladies,
FI and I are doing a full nuptial mass at 1:30pm on wedding day. It will be over at 2:30pm and we're debating the length of our gap. We have lots of out of town guests, some of whom might want to check into the hotel (2 blocks from the hotel, 6 blocks from reception venue) at 3:00pm. Some of our OOT guests are not staying over at all (just going home afterward).

I don't want a gap at all but I also don't want the wedding to be over at 8:00pm. We have the reception venue all day so start time doesn't matter.

As a guest (especially for out of towners who are not staying over)...

Riss91

I don't really consider an hour in-between as a gap if you need to change locations!

I would go for the hour only because you never know what might slow things down (musicians run late, receiving line, etc) and I wouldn't want cocktail hour to start right at 2:30pm if I know my guests wouldn't even make it there until 3:00pm anyway.

ETA: Unless you could have your venue do an extended cocktail hour of 90 minutes.... that would be ideal.

MissOwl

good point riss. i've been toying with the idea of a 90 minute cocktail set.

Calypso1977

you shoudl avoid the gap if at all possible.  since you have the venue for the day, you really have no need for a gap.  id do cocktails from 3-4, then do dinner at 4.  that gives folks half an hour to go the few blocks and then get checked in if they like. 

ring_pop

I'd have at least an hour. People will dilly dally after the ceremony for a good 20-30 minutes, then dilly dally on the way to their car, then walk slowly because the women will all be in gorgeous but uncomfortable shoes.... etc etc.

We had an hour (sites were 15-20 mins apart) and we STILL ran late.

If you think a lot of the guests will check into the hotel after the reception, I actually think 1.5 hours would be better.

I don't get it though... all of these options have a 2.5 hours for cocktails? That seems really, really long.

MissOwl

ring pop, we're actually going to have our first dance set between cocktails and dinner. i have heard a lot of catholic brides are disappointed by how many people leave right after dinner so i wanted to make sure dinner was later rather than right away. we are hiring a swing band and my friend is a swing instructor. she will be teaching a mini-lesson between cocktails and dinner for people to watch or try.

ootmother2

I think that a 60 minute gap with a 1.5 hour cocktail hour would be ideal.

I just don't get brides that want to race their guests through the day.  I've seen too many guests gulp their drinks and appetizers then rush to dinner.  Relax and enjoy the time you have!.

As ringpop said, some people will have to check into their hotel during this time.

I don't know anyone under that age of 85 that eats dinner at 4:00.  That's waaay too early, IMO

p.s.Swing band dancing instruction?  Invite me, please!

MissOwl

thanks ootmother. i've always respected your advice on other boards. (i'm excited about the swing dancing too!)

keep the thoughts coming ladies. i'm always happy to have other points of view.

Calypso1977

4 is early for dinner, but she picked 130 for her ceremony.  that's an awkward time.  im sure she couldnt do it later because of mass times, but she could have done it early and had a luncheon rather than a dinner in the middle of the afternoon.

folks will still probably leave right after dinner (at least those traveling, the hotelers will probably stay), especially if they have had several hours gap to hang around.  i think its cool that there is a decent activity arranged, at the venue, but honestly, as a guest i would probably be thinking "why isnt the party starting"?  i sort of dont like the idea of "forcing" people to stick around by purposely scheduling the dinner later. 

in the interest of full disclosure, tho, gaps are a completely foreign concept to me (and my husband) and we are both lifelong catholics. 

ring_pop

Swing? Fun!

Don't worry too much about people leaving. There's not much you can do to help the fact that some people simply can't stay for the whole night. Just plan a fun wedding, keep the party flowing well and celebrate with those who want to celebrate with you!

ootmother2

I can't really see swing dancing at a wedding luncheon although I don't think that I've ever attended one. 

OP, swing on;)

Calypso1977

ive been to many receptions at country clubs and the like that had plated meals and dancing that started at 12 or 1pm.

Hope61

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/cultural-wedding-boards_catholic-weddings_length-of-gap?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Cultural%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:615Discussion:52d236c5-aa0c-44f3-bc98-181e2b9b076aPost:ebc8bc29-aee8-4ec3-adbc-a6994731cc40">Re: Length of Gap</a>:
[QUOTE] we are hiring a swing band and my friend is a swing instructor. she will be teaching a mini-lesson between cocktails and dinner for people to watch or try.
Posted by MissOwl[/QUOTE]
Oh my goodness I'm so jealous! lol. I wanted to do that forever, but when it came time to realistically plan a wedding... yeah, not happening :-(  Good for you though!

bibliophile2010

We decided on a one-hour gap, so that's what I voted for. The reception location is about 15 minutes away. I figure by the time we start a couple of minutes late, have mass that runs over an hour (knowing the priest and our reading/music selections), then people get out of the church, then chit chat, then start walking to their cars, then get to the reception place, we're looking at about an hour.

Dinner will be about 5, which is early for some, but not particularly early in my area (6 is norm), and people will have probably not have eaten in several hours, so they'll be hungry enough. I also know that I have families with kids, grandparents/older people, and out-of-towners (about 2 hours) who may want to cut out early. I'm okay with it -- I know it's not about me or about being a bad hostess or anything like that. It's life. I have other friends/family members who will shut the place down and will probably continue the party elsewhere after the fact. That's just how it goes.

MissOwl

i'm glad that swing dancing is exciting for many of you. that makes me happy! certainly our guests will not have to try it. they can do the photobooth or hit the bar instead. FI and I will even have some of our art hanging (his graphic design and my travel photos) around the venue. 

here's hoping that the cocktail hour is filling, the dancing is amusing and the dinner is hot and plentiful! i'm sure my timeline will change 100 more times before wedding day.

thanks for all the feedback ladies! i'm glad i got all types of responses. you are the best! i will for sure come back to this board as i make more decisions.

Riss91

Sounds like an awesome reception! I studied swing dance (with my husband) back in high school, so we would LOVE that!!! Are you having a videographer to capture that? And photo booths are hella fun!

doctabroccoli

Color me jealous with the whole swing dancing thing! Do weddings you go to usually have gaps? In my case, I have only been to two weddings without gaps, neither of which were religious. I've been to over 20 religious weddings, all with between a 2 and 4 hour gap. But it really depends on your social circle.

RaeRae1126

Maybe its just me, but I dont mind a longer gap..longer than the ones you gave as choices. I was just at a wedding 2 weeks ago...1:30 ceremony start time, and then the cocktail hour began at 4:30. Most of the out of towners just went to chill at the hotel (which was also the reception site), while the wedding party took photos during the gap. I was also a wedding a few months ago with the 1:30 mass, and cocktails started at 5:30pm. No one seemed to mind. I know I didnt. But maybe I'm just more laid back about these types of things. But its nice to have the ceremony...get a little break/snack/nap time in, and then have the rest of the evening/night to party.

Karen's MOH

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/cultural-wedding-boards_catholic-weddings_length-of-gap?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Cultural Wedding BoardsForum:615Discussion:52d236c5-aa0c-44f3-bc98-181e2b9b076aPost:63811765-39d5-4b6c-8a63-57f79cc88b8f">Re: Length of Gap</a>:
[QUOTE]Color me jealous with the whole swing dancing thing! Do weddings you go to usually have gaps? In my case, I have only been to two weddings without gaps, neither of which were religious. I've been to over 20 religious weddings, all with between a 2 and 4 hour gap. But it really depends on your social circle.
Posted by doctabroccoli[/QUOTE]

This is pretty much me too. Most religious weddings (except Jewish) I've been to do have a gap and I expect and don't mind it, and i really haven't hear anyone at the weddings I've attended complain (and I have heard them complain about plenty of other things!). But I know other people really do hate it, so it depends on what your guests are expecting.

To me, i think evening receptions are more fun, so I'd rather wait around a little for a fun night of eating and drinking and dancing than go straight to a luncheon reception.

Calypso, i think it's so weird that you never have Catholic gap weddings, since we are both in the Boston area, and I've been to so many with gaps! I guess it isn't as regional as I though.

MissOwl

thanks so much for the thoughts ladies. i really appreciate it!

riss - still firming up the budget so not sure about the videographer. it's on my wish list.

docta - yes, most of our guests are catholic so a gap is NBD but they are also from a small town so a gap in a 'big city' might be way annoying.

Calypso1977

karen, yes, its seriously a foreign concept to me. id never even heard of such a thing until i came to the Knot.  ive asked my mom too, and she said she never been to a gap wedding either. 

ootmother2

I've been to 4 weddings on the North Shore and every one had at least a 3 hour gap. 

ellen73

The only non-gap weddings I've been to were either non-religious or on Fridays.  I personally don't mind the gap.   More often than not, I forget to bring a card or lipstick or something... so having a little time to pick something up is great!

doctabroccoli

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/cultural-wedding-boards_catholic-weddings_length-of-gap?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Cultural Wedding BoardsForum:615Discussion:52d236c5-aa0c-44f3-bc98-181e2b9b076aPost:f63260d3-3167-47fc-8a7f-e6fa438c07b1">Re: Length of Gap</a>:
[QUOTE]  I personally don't mind the gap.   Posted by ellen73[/QUOTE]

This is all I could think of when you said "mind the gap".


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