stepping on toes...

amber&19

hi ladies, 

so my fiance loves to be his own person....he's decided to wear a white tux on our wedding day. I personally think he'll look wonderful in it but everyone else says its a bad idea and he should stick with black. our wedding color is pink btw. any thoughts on it? and also, is anyone else running into the problem of it becoming everyone else's wedding but yours?! it seems like everytime i turn around i have to be careful not to step on someones toes. any thoughts on that? 

on a different note, a friend of mine is planning her own wedding....but she isn't engaged yet and her boyfriend lives in Boston. He's going to law school and she just went crazy for him. I'm happy for them but i think she's putting the 'cart before the horse'. she gets angry when he comes to visit every couple of months and he doesn't bring a ring with him. she brags about how much money he has and how they will never be bad off and when we talk about my wedding she shoots every idea down because she doesn't think i'm doing it the right way. any thoughts? she's a friend but we've certainly grown apart and she's become quite a negative part in my life, sad to say. shouldn't real friends be happy for you even if you are in two different situations? 
 

jazzybacc

1) There's a delicate balance to "stepping on toes" or not.  It's your wedding.  Gracefully say "Thank you for your input.  We'll definitely take it into consideration, but in the end, my FI and I will make the final decision."  If you want him to wear a white tux, do it.  I think it's coming back.  Personally I wouldn't do it, but we're traditionalists.  Depends on your venue.  Again, if you want it, do it.  It's your wedding.

2) She's more than likely shooting down your wedding because she's nervous hers will never really happen.  I could be assuming things that aren't the case, but it sounds like she's feeling a little jealous and insecure.  It's the bully complex: they insult and bully others to make themselves feel better.  I would use the same statement above on her as well.  Maybe even add "We have a limited budget, so while I'd love to be more extravagant, it's just not in the cards for us.  We'd rather use our money *such and such*"

Good luck and just breathe.  Most people have good intentions and don't realize they may be overstepping their bounds.

monkeysip

Oh for crying out loud.  Who is giving you a hard time about the white suit?  If he likes it... forget about what toes you think you'd be stepping on.

As long as he is wearing clothes, I don't think it's an etiquette problem.

As for your friend, unfortunately you just have to stop mentioning anything wedding around people like this.  Change the subject if it comes up.  

lisa89760

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/cultural-wedding-boards_catholic-weddings_stepping-toes?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Cultural Wedding BoardsForum:615Discussion:5bce46c5-b802-4226-8e65-3a8577a863a3Post:80b79750-4300-4894-9e0c-27af650cbf21">Re: stepping on toes...</a>:
[QUOTE]Oh for crying out loud.  Who is giving you a hard time about the white suit?  If he likes it... forget about what toes you think you'd be stepping on. As long as he is wearing clothes, I don't think it's an etiquette problem. As for your friend, unfortunately you just have to stop mentioning anything wedding around people like this.  Change the subject if it comes up.  
Posted by monkeysip[/QUOTE]

Agreed =)

Calypso1977

he should wear what he wants.  i know some brides have gotten grief over wearing ivory instead of white, or a color instead of a "bridal shade".  bottom line is no one will remember what anyone wore, and the clothing you select does not make your vows any more or less valid.

as for your friend, she is crazy and she is gonna scare this guy away if she isnt careful.  he be crazy to get engaged during law school.  he's probably doing the sensible thing and waiting until he graduates.

newlyseliski

I know that a friend's husband wore a white tux to symbolize baptism and the "new beginning" of their marriage!  Nothing wrong about it... it is ultimately you and your fi's decision.

I agree with PPs about your friend... just try to not let it get to you... I also think it's definitely insecurity!

MopsieB

Nothing wrong with a white tux. We almost did a white jacket, black pant tux but then my fiance went the more traditional route. I got to pick my dress, he should pick his own clothes, right?!
As for your friend- there is always one jealous one in the bunch. She sounds insecure. The question is, do you want to deal with that on your wedding day?