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Catholic Weddings

Invitation wording

I am almost sure I have seen the answer I'm looking for previously, but I can't seem to find it again.  I was hoping someone could help me with a few invitation questions.

First issue: FH has not been baptized (yet!) so we are not having a nuptial mass and I am having a hard time finding the proper wording for the sacrament outside of a mass.  Someone told me that I can't say anything regarding the sacrament because he is unbaptized-this doesn't sound right to me, can anyone tell me if this is true?  If I can mention the sacrament, what are a few ways to word it? 

Second issue: FH and I are hosting/paying for the wedding, but my mother has her heart set on seeing her name on our invitations.  I'm the only daughter with 4 married brothers so I get it, but I'm also a grown woman in my 30s.  Do you think it will look strange if I put my parent's names in the host position?  Any other ideas for including their names in the invites?  I do want to make her happy.

TIA

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Re: Invitation wording

  • agapecarrieagapecarrie member
    Knottie Warrior 1000 Comments 100 Love Its Combo Breaker
    edited December 2011
    If one of the couple isn't baptized, it isn't a sacrament. Its a natural marriage.
  • Calypso1977Calypso1977 member
    Knottie Warrior 2500 Comments 25 Love Its First Answer
    edited December 2011
    can get get baptized prior to the wedding?

    i agree, its odd if you are in your 30's and paying for your own wedding to have your parents names on there.  i also have never understood why parents get so worked up about this!  weddings are not about or for the parents, they are about the bride and groom, yet so many today make it all abotu them.

    you could do:

    Melissa SM
    daughter of motherSM
    and
    MelissaSMsGroom
    son of Mr. and Mrs. Groom

    request the honor...

    that way her name is on there but still has you as the host.

    traditionally, the groom's parents names never went on invites... the proper place for this was on wedding announcements.  however, more do this now, and if you want to put your mom's name on there in the format i suggested, it woudl probably be viewed as aslight if your in laws werent on there too.
  • edited December 2011
    Thanks for the responses so far-very helpful.

    He was raised in a christian household and actually thought that he had been baptized, until he asked his mother. He is planning to become catholic and is currently attending mass with me, but due to several circumstances will be starting classes Sept of 2011.  We are getting married 2/19/11, so even if he started RCIA this fall, he wouldn't receive the sacraments before then.  Our wedding date was selected because one of my brothers is being deployed next spring, so we moved our date from 4/30 to 2/19.  If we were younger, I would just wait until after he receives the sacraments, but we are almost in our mid thirties and we would like to have children. 

    Our priest mentioned that Casey could look around for a protestant church that would agree to baptize him, but this felt a little wrong to us (meaning to do this just for the wedding, rather than when Casey has had time to prepare).  I would love to hear your opinion on this.  Outside of any wedding issue which is secondary in my mind to Casey's spiritual life, do you think it is more important that he be baptized ASAP, or when he has had time to prepare and enter into all of the sacraments with "informed consent" so to speak?

    Yikes, this is long, sorry!
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  • agapecarrieagapecarrie member
    Knottie Warrior 1000 Comments 100 Love Its Combo Breaker
    edited December 2011
    I totally understand your situation. The fact is though, it won't be a sacrament until he is baptized.

    I would not recommend getting baptized in another church.
    You can request a special consideration to do a faster personal RCIA formation, for him to be baptized before your wedding, receive all the sacraments, then you can have a mass for your wedding too. (if they honor your request).


  • mswood1977mswood1977 member
    100 Comments
    edited December 2011
    On the bright side you marriage will instantly become a sacrament as soon has you FI is baptized,  and you marriage will be valid in the church either way.  I recomend he wait to be baptized in the Catholic church rather than just being baptized somewhere before the wedding.
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  • Calypso1977Calypso1977 member
    Knottie Warrior 2500 Comments 25 Love Its First Answer
    edited December 2011
    i woudl see if they can at least baptize him CATHOLIC now, then go through RCIA for confirmation at the date he's slated to start.  if he truly wants to be catholic, i dont see the point of being baptized in another religion.
  • edited December 2011
    Thanks for the advice ladies, I will definitely discuss this with our priest tomorrow after mass.
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  • clearheavensclearheavens member
    Knottie Warrior 1000 Comments Name Dropper 5 Love Its
    edited December 2011
    In Response to Re: Invitation wording:
    [QUOTE]I totally understand your situation. The fact is though, it won't be a sacrament until he is baptized. I would not recommend getting baptized in another church. You can request a special consideration to do a faster personal RCIA formation, for him to be baptized before your wedding, receive all the sacraments, then you can have a mass for your wedding too. (if they honor your request).
    Posted by agapecarrie[/QUOTE]

    As usual, I second agapecarrie.  I also applaud how you are taking care of your FI and his spiritual life.
    As for the second issue, if you bring it to the Tradition or Etiquette board, I think you will also get mixed answers.  My personal opinion, though?  Both you and your FI were brought up by parents, and to honor them, put both names on the invitation regardless of who's hosting.  No one cares who's hosting.
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  • mica178mica178 member
    5000 Comments Fourth Anniversary
    edited December 2011
    I agree with everyone's recommendation about seeing if your priest speed up RCIA and/or baptize your FI before the wedding.

    As far as your wedding invitation...  Paying for a wedding is different from hosting a wedding.  You and your FI are paying for it, but if your mother is involved in planning it, she can be considered a host and can have her name on the invitation.  If you want it to be there, that is.  If she is listed as a host, her name should be above yours, as the couple's name is supposed to be uninterrupted by anything other than AND or TO (in Catholic weddings, the correct wording would be AND).
  • banana468banana468 member
    Knottie Warrior 10000 Comments 500 Love Its First Answer
    edited December 2011
    Ditto on speeding up the Baptism.

    But just one point on Calypso's wording.  It's technically incorrect as there aren't supposed to be any words between the bride's and groom's names aside from and or to.  It's symbolic that someone is going between you two.
  • edited December 2011
    Thank you all so much for your thoughtful advice, I really appreciate it.
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