Info

klar4230

We are now finished with our marriage prep...our priest here in NE said that he now has to send our FOCUS test, etc. to the priest who will be helping with the ceremony (I am not Catholic so we will NOT be getting married in a Catholic church)...I think that is a bunch of BS, that info is no one's business, much less someone who is going to give a blessing and that's it during our ceremony....is it true he needs that info?

agapecarrie

A priest doesn't just "give a blessing" for a marriage. His presence there is the Catholic Church's representative to witness the marriage. This is what ensures that the marriage is valid. Priests are the guardian of the sacraments, and Since he will be the priest doing it, it makes sense that he would have some basic info about it. 

Even though you are not Catholic, you could still marry in a Catholic church. Not saying you have to, just saying that you could. 

professorscience

You are correct that the information is personal, but the point of the FOCCUS test is to make sure you and your FI see eye to eye on some very essential elements to your marriage and to open lines of communication if they need to be.  Your tests are sent off to a center where they are scanned and results are churned out, just like a standardized test like the SAT would be.  Are you saying that no one has gone over the results with you and your FI?  Is the priest who is witnessing your marriage going to be the one who does that?  He would NEED the scores in order to have the discussion.

I would ask you to really open your heart a little to this priest.  Even if you don't plan to practice Catholicism, apparently your FI does, or he wouldn't care to include the priest in the ceremony.  As a spouse, part of your job is going to be to provide support.  

klar4230

No, we have went over the test with the priest here in Nebraska...so my question is why does the priest in Ohio need it....I really don't think those answers should be shared like this. 

The priest will be there as a witness and to give a blessing for my FI's mother's sake. The wedding will take place in my church, with my pastor the officiant. Is another pastor not 'valid' enough for the Catholic church?

professorscience

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/cultural-wedding-boards_catholic-weddings_info?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Cultural Wedding BoardsForum:615Discussion:a1e5153b-004d-442f-b95b-d5baec9a76b0Post:4ad9e774-fd58-4b97-8dd6-101fea0ae688">Re: Info</a>:
[QUOTE]No, we have went over the test with the priest here in Nebraska...so my question is why does the priest in Ohio need it....I really don't think those answers should be shared like this.  The priest will be there as a witness and to give a blessing for my FI's mother's sake. The wedding will take place in my church, with my pastor the officiant.<strong> Is another pastor not 'valid' enough for the Catholic church?
</strong>Posted by klar4230[/QUOTE]

Catholics are bound by form, so no.  To put it simply, other Christian denominations do not hold the same views on marriage as the Catholic church (for example, very few other denominations call marriage a "sacrament").  That doesn't mean the Catholic church views all non-Catholic marriages as invalid, of course, but that Catholics must adhere to certain guidelines.  Other girls here can explain it much better than I can.

I really don't think you have anything to worry about.  I'm sure you've been told this, but that priest has likely "heard it all."  I'm not sure what he would find in your questionnaire that would be bad, but if you've gone over it with your home priest and he doesn't see any problems with you and FI going ahead with your wedding, it's not like the other priest will suddenly turn up his nose at you.  Or share your private information.  It is just for him to know something about him.  One of the biggest complaints I've heard about Catholic services (especially weddings) is that they are so impersonal.  At my grandmother's funeral, Monsignor kept calling her by the wrong name.  I think it is good that this priest gets to know a little bit about you and your FI and your goals, which is a lot of what that test covers.

FWIW, in my parish, most of the time your test is scored, interpreted by one person, and then sent to your sponsor couple who then sits down with you.  Like I said earlier, these people may not face losing their jobs if they discussed the information, but they're only there to help you and they're not going to violate your privacy.

Riss91

There are dispensations that can allow a couple to be married in a non-Catholic Christian church (like when the pastor of that church is a relative). Typically, this means the priest is not present for the ceremony. I'm not sure what arrangements have been made the the priest here who would be attending the ceremony. But, any priest that will be involved in your marriage ceremony has a right to meet, discuss and review your relationship so that he is comfortable with participating. I truly wouldn't worry too much about it. You can't "fail" the FOCCUS test. It can only point out potential problem areas that a priest might want to discuss with you further.