Convalidation

jendem8

Hello, I am wondering if anyone has had their marriage convalidated.  My fiance and I will be getting married outside of the Church (I'm not trying to get in a debate with anyone on here about that fact), but his parents would like for our marriage to be blessed.  I am fine with this, but now it seems we might be facing some obstacles.  We will be doing the pre-cana course, but I was just curious if anyone has gone through this process and what all it entails (I believe we'll have to do reconciliation as well).  I also recognize that experiences will vary for different situations.  Thank you in advance for your experiences, if any.

Riss91

Hey there! A convalidation isn't really a "blessing", it's actually making your marriage a valid Catholic marriage. They are typically granted only in rare circumstances where having the initial marriage ceremony in the Catholic Church was nearly impossible. Additionally, they may be offered in situations where the couple thought their Catholic Church wedding was valid, when indeed it was not. For instance, if a priest did not have the proper faculties when performing the ceremony.

So, the best thing for you to do would be to speak directly with the priest that you would expect to approve and perform the convallidation. You'd have to make a case as to why having the Catholic ceremony in the first place wasn't possible. And he will likely require pre-cana as you've mentioned. Usually, the easiest thing is to have the Catholic ceremony in the first place.

Best of luck to you and please stick around! There are loads of helpful, supportive ladies here!

agapecarrie

What are the obstacles you are facing?

As Riss said, its making your marriage valid...so its when you actually get married. There are no short cuts, and its defintely not acceptable to do just because the parents want to. (Not saying you are doing it for only this reason, just reading what you wrote) There are serious vows and intentions that are made. 

Reconcilation is part of it because one should be receiving the sacraments without sin. Getting married outside the church is a pretty serious one that pulls one outside of communion from the church, and ability to receive any sacraments-- like the Eucharist.

Iggy85

You can always try to get a dispensation from the Bishop to marry outside the church, then it would make it valid and you wouldn't have to go through the convalidation process.

jendem8

I recognize that "blessing" was the wrong word, and I understand the purpose of convalidation.  The obstacle is that my fiance's cousin, who studied Canon Law in Vatican City, said that we should do a ceremony before, which I am not okay with and actually confused about because I don't believe we'll be able to have a civil marriage performed after that.  There are personal reasons why the civil marriage will not be in a Catholic church, and the priest at our parish seemed to be accepting of the fact that he will do the convalidation when we return; he simply told us to make sure and do the pre-cana course beforehand.  We planned to have a small ceremony at my fiance's childhood church with a reception when we come back into town.

I know that this involves serious intentions.  I was just curious if anyone has actually gone through the process.

jendem8

And thank you for the advice from everyone so far.  I will look into getting a dispensation, but I'm not sure if they'll grant one to us.

bibliophile2010

Without knowing any details, it sounds like you're on the right track.

Your fiance's cousin is actually correct in that the Catholic marriage really should be the first and only ceremony. That said, if you've talked to your priest and he's on board with your plans and is willing to work with you, that's what you really need. Just keep in touch and keep the lines of communication open. Do pre-Cana, complete reconcilliation (especially if you haven't in awhile, but my H and I both made confessions just before our wedding ceremony just to be in a sure state of grace when we received a major scarament), do whatever else you need to do. I would also encourage you to talk with the priest/pray/work on whatever issues are keeping you from seeking the Church wedding in the first place. Use it as a chance to grow in your faith, rather than as a bunch of hoops to jump through to satifsy other people.

I've know a couple of people who have had convalidations. For those couples, at least one member was in the RCIA process and was having the marriage validated as part of it. In both cases, only immediate family was in attendance, and there was a small dinner/lunch for those people after the ceremony.

Riss91

Are you getting married outside of the US? Many other countries actually require a "civil" ceremony before the religious ceremony. This is because the priests do not have the power to grant civil marriages. Typically, the "civil" portion happens within days of the religious ceremony and is relatively discrete.

In the U.S., where priests DO have the power to grant both "civil" AND religious ceremonies, it is very rare to have them be separate. If the priest that is going to perform the convalidation is okay with your circumstances, then you probably do not have much more to do. I would ask him about what his restrictions are for the convalidation ceremony. Some priests will want it to be kept small and simple (without a processional of attendents, no big dress, simple music) while others will allow the bride and groom to have a more elaborate ceremony.

Other than that, I believe you just need to work with the priest to get all of the paperwork completed. Shouldn't be too bad!

jendem8

Thanks, ladies!  No, it's actually in the U.S. but out of our home state.  We appreciate your shared knowledge and are keeping our fingers crossed that this goes as smoothly as possible!

catarntina

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/cultural-wedding-boards_catholic-weddings_convalidation?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Cultural%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:615Discussion:d15bd2d4-1fe8-49b9-b0c1-d4cdfa218cedPost:624d6388-5c3e-433f-862c-9554b895b960">Re: Convalidation</a>:
[QUOTE]Thanks, ladies!  No, it's actually in the U.S. but out of our home state.  We appreciate your shared knowledge and are keeping our fingers crossed that this goes as smoothly as possible!
Posted by jendem8[/QUOTE]

I got married outside my home state -- it was a Catholic wedding.  It can be done without a convalidation.  Find a church in the other state that you want to get married at.  Talk to the priest there, and he'll guide you on what paperwork he needs.  You can do your pre-cana in the state that you live in.  The paperwork will get sent to the church in the other state, and everything will be fine.

People do it *all* the time.  It was probably easier than getting a convalidation done since the marriage was valid from the get-go.

Riss91

catarntina - I don't believe the out-of-state issue is the reason for the convalidation. I think the OP is getting married outdoors...

catarntina

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/cultural-wedding-boards_catholic-weddings_convalidation?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Cultural%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:615Discussion:d15bd2d4-1fe8-49b9-b0c1-d4cdfa218cedPost:f419f3c1-6e33-4e48-be59-b09cdda1b918">Re: Convalidation</a>:
[QUOTE]catarntina - I don't believe the out-of-state issue is the reason for the convalidation. I think the OP is getting married outdoors...
Posted by Riss91[/QUOTE]

Hmm.  She made it sound like she wanted the civil ceremony in one state and then have the convalidation in the state that she lives in.

jendem8

Both of you are correct actually.  I