Catholic Weddings
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Not having a Catholic Wedding = Children not able to be baptized?

Hi everyone!
I am fairly new to the boards, My FI and I are getting married this weekend. 

My fiance is Baptist and I am born and raised Catholic (went to Catholic school my whole life).  Both fiance and I are not religious.  Since we have a less than 8 month engagement and not memebers of a Catholic church, we are not able to get married in one.  I have a lot of family members that have expressed their opinion on how I am a horrible person because I am not getting married in the Catholic church.

I am curious to know when FI and I decide to have children, will we have a difficult time to have the children baptized Catholic?  We agreed and discussed that the children will be raised Catholic, since FI has never been religious.  Has anyone heard of a Catholic having a hard time having their child baptized, since they did not get married in the Catholic church?
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Re: Not having a Catholic Wedding = Children not able to be baptized?

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    lisa89760lisa89760 member
    First Anniversary First Comment
    edited December 2011

    My FSIL just baptized her daughter and we were talking about this and she mentioned there are just extra classes the couple has to take.  I'm not 100% positive though.

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    Calypso1977Calypso1977 member
    First Anniversary 5 Love Its First Answer Combo Breaker
    edited December 2011
    there is a thread down below about this...

    but to answer your question, it varies from priest to priest.

    a priest has the right to deny baptism if he genuinely has concerns or reservations that the child will not be raised in a catholic home.

    given that you will be technically living in a state of sin, and unable to receive sacraments yourselves, he may question how you can adequately raise your child in the faith.  in case you were unaware, a marriage of a catholic person outside of the catholic church is not considered valid in teh eyes of the church.  you therefore cannot receive communion or other sacraments.

    i honestly dont understand why if you arent religious people why you would want to baptize your children catholic? 

    8 months is plenty of time to establish membership somewhere and get married in a church.  granted, we were members, but our entire engagement was only about 6 months.  it was ample time to complete the requirements and i know some have done it in less.  but again, if you arent religious, you are right to not "pretend" for your wedding, but again, im tehn confused as to why you want your children baptized in a faith you dont follow.
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    mica178mica178 member
    5 Love Its First Anniversary First Comment
    edited December 2011
    I believe it's up to the priest's discretion whether to baptize the child.  If he thinks the child will not be raised as a Catholic because of the current practices of the parents/family, then it's within this right to refuse.  My priest says sometimes he has doubts if he'll ever see again some of the children he baptizes, but he says that he'd prefer that the be baptized to have the chance of being raised as Catholics.  I've heard other brides on this board say that their priests take other stances.

    I wonder that you might be able to find a parish that will marry you in 8 months.  We were only engaged for 9 months and managed to get married at my church.  Of course, the decision to make that push is up to you, but I want you to know that it's not impossible to plan a Catholic wedding fairly quickly.

    Good luck with your planning!
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    edited December 2011
    Why are you concerned about raising your children Catholic, when you are not practicing, and have no intention of having your marriage properly sanctioned by the Church? The two don't really add up. 8 months is plenty of time, but even if it isn't, push your wedding back a few months if necessary to make it happen.

    However, if you truly care so little for the church that you are not willing to do whatever is necessary to be married in one, then I wouldn't put the pressure on yourselves to have your children baptized and raise them Catholic. Since you two would be living in sin (in the eyes of the church), it's not as if you would be giving them a good example of the Catholic lifestyle anyway. I imagine it would be awkward when your child is going through their Catholic education and realize his/her parents are living in sin, and come home and ask you about it. What answer would you give?
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    edited December 2011
    I don't plan on having any children anytime soon.  One day I will be in a different place in my life and will want to attend church every Sunday and raise my children Catholic. 

    I have tried to contact many churches and no one ever gets back to me when they hear my FI is not Catholic.  So I went along in planning my wedding outside the church.

    @SoHappy: Since you mentioned that I would be living in sin(in the eyes of the church) it's not as if you would be giving them a good example of the Catholic lifestyle anyway.  Many couples live in sin before they get married in the Catholic church which you consider in not a good example.  But because they are both Catholic they are able to get married in the Catholic church.  Doesn't seem fair in my opinion.

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    edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/cultural-wedding-boards_catholic-weddings_not-having-catholic-wedding-children-not-able-baptized?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Cultural%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:615Discussion:d83f7f35-a4a0-4990-a576-955d44bd87aePost:123d4866-273f-4253-b353-d6acc92213fb">Re: Not having a Catholic Wedding = Children not able to be baptized?</a>:
    [QUOTE]I don't plan on having any children anytime soon.  One day I will be in a different place in my life and will want to attend church every Sunday and raise my children Catholic.  I have tried to contact many churches and no one ever gets back to me when they hear my FI is not Catholic.  So I went along in planning my wedding outside the church. @SoHappy: Since you mentioned that I would be living in sin(in the eyes of the church) it's not as if you would be giving them a good example of the Catholic lifestyle anyway. <strong> Many couples live in sin before they get married in the Catholic church which you consider in not a good example.  But because they are both Catholic they are able to get married in the Catholic church.  Doesn't seem fair in my opinion.</strong>
    Posted by ChrissyBabezz[/QUOTE]

    That's not really relevant though.If your child asks you, are you going to say "Yes, Mommy and Daddy are living in sin, but so are a bunch of other people so we think that makes it okay". There are many, many parishes that refuse to marry couples that are living together prior to marriage (mine does refuse unless the couple separate), and there are also many couples that are not quite truthful about whether or not they're actually living together in order to avoid having a priest refuse to perform their marriage. That should not have any bearing on your decision.

    Also, it's not that<u><strong> I</strong></u> consider it to be a bad example: the church does. Of course, this is ultimately your decision. If you want to get married in the church, you need to start attending mass regularly and become a parishioner. Marrying someone who is not Catholic is not really a big deal, so I'm not sure why churches are refusing to marry you because of it. I would call them back and be a lot more pushy about it. Of course, many will require you to become a parishioner first, so that could be its own issue.
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    doctabroccolidoctabroccoli member
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/cultural-wedding-boards_catholic-weddings_not-having-catholic-wedding-children-not-able-baptized?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Cultural Wedding BoardsForum:615Discussion:d83f7f35-a4a0-4990-a576-955d44bd87aePost:123d4866-273f-4253-b353-d6acc92213fb">Re: Not having a Catholic Wedding = Children not able to be baptized?</a>:
    [QUOTE]I don't plan on having any children anytime soon.  One day I will be in a different place in my life and will want to attend church every Sunday and raise my children Catholic.  I have tried to contact many churches and no one ever gets back to me when they hear my FI is not Catholic.  So I went along in planning my wedding outside the church. @SoHappy: Since you mentioned that I would be living in sin(in the eyes of the church) it's not as if you would be giving them a good example of the Catholic lifestyle anyway.  Many couples live in sin before they get married in the Catholic church which you consider in not a good example.  But because they are both Catholic they are able to get married in the Catholic church.  Doesn't seem fair in my opinion.
    Posted by ChrissyBabezz[/QUOTE]

    Chrissy -
    I think that if you find your way back to the Church and join a parish prior to having children, there should at least be a handful of priests out there who would have no problem baptizing your children.  Now, if you just walk into a church and say "baptize my child" without having been a member previously, that would be cause for concern.  Plenty of people are away from their faith at some point.  I was for about 4 years but am now back.  It really just depends on your future decisions with respect to your own faith. 

    Best of luck to you!
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    mica178mica178 member
    5 Love Its First Anniversary First Comment
    edited December 2011
    I'd suggest that you join a parish and see if that changes how the churches respond to you.

    Where are you in Florida?  My SIL is Catholic, and she married my BIL, who is not Catholic, in a Catholic church in St. Petersburg.  Have faith, and keep on looking!
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    Calypso1977Calypso1977 member
    First Anniversary 5 Love Its First Answer Combo Breaker
    edited December 2011
    I don't plan on having any children anytime soon.  One day I will be in a different place in my life and will want to attend church every Sunday and raise my children Catholic. 

    ok, this does happen, folks leave and find their way back.

    but how wlil you explain to your child why you cannot go up for communion? how will you explain the importance of marrying in teh Church when you yourself did not do so?  you will surely have hard questions.

    you could request a convalidation of your marriage.  but if you think that you might go this route, why not just do it right the first time?
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    edited December 2011
    @docata:  Thanks for understanding my situation, I think you were the only one that did. 

    @mica: I am here in Orlando are.  My parents got married in the Catholic church and my mom wasn't Catholic.  My parents were living together and everything before. I guess sometimes exceptions can be made.

    Thanks for the help everyone, some of your answers were harsh but the truth.  I don't think the catholic wedding is for me now.  I hope in time I get closer with GOD and have the opportunity to have my child baptized.
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    MuddyInsigniaMuddyInsignia member
    First Comment
    edited December 2011

    btw, good to keep in mind, but the Catholic Church recognizes any christian baptism (even if completed in a non-Catholic church). 

    If you want to baptize your children in a Catholic church, I think it is good to keep in mind that the Catholic Church generally wants to insure children are raised in the Church. They are not "out there" to exclude children who are born under challenging circumstances. Of course, it may be more difficult for you to "suddenly" baptize your children in a random Catholic Church, just as it would be difficult to run into any church (any denomination) to schedule a baptism quickly if you are not a member of that church.

    If the Catholic Church is important to you, you can also always seek a convalidation of your marriage. We are having no problem marrying within the Catholic Church as a mixed denomination couple.

    Good luck and congratulations on your wedding next weekend!

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    lisarene77lisarene77 member
    First Anniversary First Comment
    edited December 2011

    I know this only touches on one issue in the original post but you are a member of a church. You were raised Catholic and unless you have denounced your faith publicly you are still CAtholic.  Your church would be your local parish.  each church has geographical boundaries.  While you do not have to attend only the church which covers where you live you are still technically a member of that church even if you do not attend Mass regularly. My advice is to go to the office of the church or make an appointment with the priest. You never know who it is answering the phones and they are much less likely to slam the door in your face than to not return a call.

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    aclaroaclaro member
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    i beleive it depends on the churc you go to. i know a few of my family members that are not married by church but have baptized tehir children, but my cousin in utah had to get married in order to baptize their kids...i found that kind fo weird
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