Hello With a Confession Question

Smooch711

Hi!
I am new to this board, so I first wanted to say hello. I've browsed occasionally on here from time to time.

I'm getting married in September. I am Catholic, my fiance is not. We have met with the deacon who is marrying us. We have taken the FOCCUS test with our mentor couple. We get our results back next week.

My question comes because we are living together. The deacon and the mentor couple know this. I have recently joined the church we will be getting married in. I've been going to church, but I haven't gone to confession, so I have not gone to communion. I'd like to go to confession so I can once again go to communion. BUT, since I am sinning because we are living together, do I just wait until the week before we get married to confess? Or can I go now, confess and receive communion and be in "good standing"? I'm not sure how to proceed.

Thanks for any imput.

Louisa1000

I recommend confessing now. Of course, it isn't really a good confession if you intend to continue the sin that day, know what I mean? But this doesn't necessarily mean that you have to move out right away. I know many priests will ask you to live as brother and sister--I.e. abstain until the wedding, and you can be in communion with the church. Some of the other more knowledgeable ladies on this board can expand on the theology, but that's the readers digest of my understanding.

agapecarrie

In order to confess, you have to repent and intend to not sin again. Being in a persistent public state of sin is not really showing this.

Something you can do is to abstain before the wedding. You can go to confession, receive absolution, and go to Communion. Remember that the Blessed Sacrament is infinite grace from the Lord where He comes to us in the most intimate way. NOTHING is more important than this.

Riss91

PP are right. Direct from Canon Law:

Can.  959 In the sacrament of penance the faithful who confess their sins to a legitimate minister, are sorry for them, and intend to reform themselves obtain from God through the absolution imparted by the same minister forgiveness for the sins they have committed after baptism and, at the same, time are reconciled with the Church which they have wounded by sinning.

So, you should absolutely go and confess your sins, but the important part is that you acknowledge the sin and intend to change/rectify. I agree with carrie that abstaining would be very important.

Smooch711

Everything everyone has said makes perfect sense. Thank you.

lauraprevost

Hi all, I (don't think) haven't posted on this board before, but have lurked a bit. This question sparked my interest though... and sorry if this is a stupid question but I just need some clarification.

FI and I have thought about living together before we get married because it would be much more conveniant and cost effective for the both of us. The only thing that has been stopping us was the fact that we didn't want to be living in sin, however we are practicing abstinance until we are married and would continue to do so if we moved in together. Basically, my question is if you are abstaining, then living together is not considered a sin, correct?

professorscience

If you're living together, it can create a scandal since other people who don't know will make assumptions about you.

That said, the other two couples who were mentored by our sponsor couple both bought homes together before they got engaged.  A priest could choose not to marry you if you live together, even if you abstain.  However, I've heard (on this board) that you'd more likely be advised to live as brother and sister -- sleep in separate bedrooms, etc.

ETA: I will say from experience that living together presents a terrible temptation.  It is definitely not a decision to be taken lightly.

lauraprevost

Thanks for the clarification!

Smooch711

lauraprevost: Thanks for asking this. I was wondering that too. My fiance and I moved in together this past December after getting engaged in August. Our situation is very similar to yours (ie, money) We are abtaining as well. So far, so good, but it is a huge step (and we've been together 6 years). Good luck!

sigmaurse

In addition to what other's said I would go to confession now if you plan to not sin again. No matter what happens between now and then go to confession prior to your wedding because you want to enter your marriage in a state of grace. I would say living together even if abstaining isn't a great idea. We don't live together at all and won't until our wedding but being in a house alone present's a huge temptation! I can't imagine what it would be like being alone with that person every day! If you want to save money maybe one of you can live in what will be your home after the wedding and the other live with a parent, friend or sibbling to save money. Best of luck!