family matters

irisheyezfsu

I am kinda sad because I know my parents are not excited about my upcoming union with my FB.  He and I have been together 3.5 years and by the time we are married 4.5 years.  I have never been happier and he is my best friend. 

They however are not so excited. Today I flew home and my mom picked me up at the airport, she was annoyed that I looked at my ring in the car and that I aparently had ideas and was planning things for the wedding. 

When she was snarky and commented how was she supposed to know this stuff about where I wanted the wedding and other deatials, I reminded her that we talked about it together last fall and that she knows I have been thinking about this since I was 6.

Have any of you dealt with less than happy parents about your future life with your husband to be?  If so how does a bride deal with this.

Note: I am an only child as well

mlharbis

I didnt have that problem but I can understand a parent not being so happy to "loose" their only daughter (only child, youngest child... whatever). It makes them feel old and like they are losing you, even if they aren't. Also, my friends parents were really not happy with her engagement but it was largely due to the fact that her fiance didn't ask her fathers permission or blessing. I know if my fiance didn't ask my dad he would be furious!
I doubt your mom isn't happy for you, she prob just needs time to get used to it. Maybe start slowly with her. Talk about a budget (she may have worries about affording the wedding you wanted when you were 6) and just about both of your visions and slowly ease into planning. She will warm up to it and be an excited mother of the bride!
Don't worry!

mlharbis

Oh, also I think the reason why my parents were already used to it was because fiance asked my dad in like July and didn't propose until the middle of October. I am the youngest and first to get married, but before I talked to them about wedding ideas they already had plenty of time to get used to the idea and think about it by themselves beforehand.

irisheyezfsu

Well my fiance and I have been serious all of our relationship. We have been talking about marriage since we started dating. 

My fiance did not ask for my parents "permission".  Originally he was going to ask for their blessing but after having a heart to heart with them last year and them pretty much stating they didn't like him, that idea changed.  My fiance was only going to ask them because I wanted it but he always told me that the only answer that truly mattered was mine. 

At this point I don't expect any contribution from them. My parents paid for their wedding and it is looking like I will be paying for mine.  They didn't pay for my college education and I have been paying my own bills since I was 18.  One my best friends is gettting married this June and I'm one of her BM, she reminded me last night that she wonders how my parents will feel knowing they aren't hosting their only child's wedding.

Also I don't want the same wedding that I wanted at 6, it was just in reference that that is how long girls (such as myself) dream of their wedding day and she knows this. When I was 16 she asked me what I wanted for my wedding one day because we were watching a wedding show together.

Pretty Parula

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/local-wedding-boards_florida-central-florida_family-matters?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Local%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:66Discussion:de944ab5-e039-4f1f-9861-c2c9ffc063adPost:6f23b669-f26d-42af-8370-bf930cbe7f73">Re: family matters</a>:
[QUOTE]Originally he was going to ask for their blessing but after having a heart to heart with them last year and them pretty much stating they didn't like him, that idea changed.  
Posted by irisheyezfsu[/QUOTE]

<div>
</div><div>I was afraid you were going to say that. There's no easy 'fix' for that, unfortunately. It may just require a sit-down with them since they're going to have to accept that this is your choice. They may be uneasy if they feel like you haven't listened to their reasons, but other than that, I would say that they're just going to have to suck it up. A girl needs her mom to talk to about wedding stuff, and it's so disheartening when mom won't engage in the conversation. I know how much that hurts - my parents weren't very supportive at first (mostly because of money) and it sucked. I didn't want to talk to my mom about the wedding at all. Eventually they  came around, but it wasn't fun in the meantime. </div><div>
</div><div>Is there anyone else in your family you can talk to about wedding stuff? An aunt, cousin, etc.? It may help to shift those conversations to another female family member until your mom comes around and realises that it's time to put the differences in opinion aside. GL girl :)</div>

Megs30

I am sorry that you have to go through this.  This should be one of the happiest times of you life and you should be able to share it with your Mom.  I wish I had some words of wisdom.  The only thig I can tell you try not to let it bring you down.  If your Mom isn't interested in the planning do what Alyssa suggested and see if there is another family member or friend who you can turn to for wedding help.  And of course we are always here when you have questions or just need to vent

Britt1406

Sorry things have to be like they are right now. Perhaps it will just take time. When my sister's husband asked my Dad for his blessing he said he wanted to say no, but knew it wouldn't matter and my sister would do it anyway. So, he said yes. Now that they've been married a little while, he really likes him. So, maybe it's just more of getting to know him or accepting him that needs to happen. GL with everything!

mlharbis

Money is very hard for a lot of parents to think about in relation to weddings. If they aren't paying they can feel like they aren't the host and can feel like they are letting you down because they can't afford your wedding. I am paying for mine and I know my mom has spent many nights crying because she is sad that she "can't" take care of me during this time. I know my parents would be upset if they weren't considered the host of the wedding, so my invitations etc are really formal with hosted by my parents.

I guess just talk to your mom and see the real reason behind he attitude and work on fixing it. If you don't want to do that, then pretend she doesn't have an attitude and keep talking to her about it anyways and her tude will eventually go away.
Good luck!

therockisblinding05

I had a similar situation. Dad and stepmom love FI but were "caught off guard" by the proposal (I dunno how cuz FI asked in Oct and proposed that next April). They were all up for my grad party and I tried to sit down w/ mom, dad, and stepmom all at once to discuss the budget because we were going that next week to see venues and it would be the last time we would be all together for over a year. Horrible. It basically came out that we were "too young" and rushing into it even though FI and I are both college educated w/ full time jobs and have been together since we were 16. 

Anyways, we had a good few heart to heart emails back and forth. Once they realized that this was what was really going on and that we were serious about what we wanted, they took us seriously and got on board. I'm sorry they don't like FI, but maybe after some good talks they will atleast come around to him being fam.

irisheyezfsu

thanks ladies for the support. 

Money well they act like they have given me a lot since college, which they have helped sum but majority is on student loans that I am paying back.

Luckily FI parents are well off and very understanding and supporting of the issue, they want to help but I also don't want to depend on them ya know. Plus my parents are tradiational and will complain that it is the bride's side that pays for wedding (even if that means me alone). 

As for other family. I have two aunts that I can talk to, my mom's sisters, they have no children of their own and are very supportive of this marriage especially one. Though I know with the one especially my mom and her never get along ever! IT will only cause more drama with my mom to speak to them about plans and not her. yes my mom is a little nuts.

For now I think best to just plan on keeping my mouth shut and start my wedding fund piggy bank till they let this settle in their minds and come around some.  I know my mom would be upset if her name wasn't on there for hosting it, I think just like my college funds, they wouldn't correct anyone who says they paid for it (yes they did this are my recent graduation many times in front of me when people said well no more paypments for you, I wanted to say what payments?!)