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FMIL's!!!!!!... vent (extremely long)


I get a call around 5pm today, it's my FMIL and she's telling me about this cute FG dress she saw in this little bridal store at the mall. I tell her I have to go home do some laundry and clean up a bit and then I'll go over and we can see the dress. So I go to school to pick up a paper (which wasn't far at all from where I was at when she called), go home, eat dinner, put a load to wash and check my messages. I head out and arrive at 7:20. We head to the mall with FI and she starts looking for the dress and shows me a lot of VERY cute ones before finally we get to the one she was talking about and it is hideous! Not the right blue at all and with a flower pattern. And yet she says it was too simple. I appreciate that she helps (because my mother sure isn't) but we have such different taste. I feel bad saying NO to basically everything she's pointed out. I try to explain to her what I want but she doesn't get it. When she gets an idea or thought stuck in her head there is no getting her out of it. I tell her that the BM's are wearing royal blue, I've told her thousands of times and the FG she thinks will be nice is a green and turqouise. I even shown her pictures of the BM dresses (which that was another drama with her). We see a dress in the perfect blue and super cute for the FG and we decide to get it (honestly I didn't put much thought to a dress because kids look cute in anything).

I'm about to pay when she asks if I want to look at veils. I tell her no because I haven't put much thought to it and I honestly have NO idea what I want. But she insists and tells me how will I ever know if I don't look. So I look. But again, she falls in love with one and pushes it, and I didn't like. I like simple things with a subtle of elegant. She just likes big dramatic things and when she tries to go simple, it's just TOO plain. So I am asking the lady to show me this and that and FMIL starts making gestures and comments like I'm contradicting myself and I dk what I want. HELLO!!! I said that at the beggining, that's why I didn't want to look. Another thing is she hasn't seen the dress so she won't know what will clash. I pick a dress at the store that has the beading and lace like mine and she starts freaking out because it's a champagne color. When I've told her thousands of times its off white. I tell her NO, I am just looking for the same pattern so you see that I don't want anything to clash with the dress. We get to the counter and she STILL asking me if it's that color!!!! NOOOOO!!!! I try on a veil and I HATE IT!!!! I take it off and want to be done with it, she still asking me too look at some more as if I have to pick one now. I was so mad and FI wasn't helping by adding stupid little comments on the side, he was just kidding and didn't know I was mad.

Then we get in car and he starts talking about how I should have been at his house at 6pm like he had told me earlier. And she starts talking about how I have to improve my time management. I get even more mad because I never agreed to 6pm! I called him after his mom called (5:30pm) and told him what I was doing and that I needed to pick up papers at school (which he's known for 2 weeks) and go home do laundary and obviously change out of work clothes. And she knew too!!! I spoke with her! Honestly this has always been an issue with me and them. I have a lot going on all the time and they don't get it. I know I have time management issues but I went home and did what I needed to do as quickly as possible. I work this entire weekend (a double on Sunday) and I need to finish my laundary. And then they think my drives are about 5 minutes away from my house! Her job is literally 5 minutes away and his is too, WALKING! I don't have that luxury, everywher I drive is a good 20-30 minutes!!!!!!!!! WTH do you want me to do!!!!!!! So now I think she's mad at me by the way I acted or came across perhaps, because she barely looked at me when we got home and didn't even say good night =(

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Re: FMIL's!!!!!!... vent (extremely long)

  • twinkle82576twinkle82576 member
    2500 Comments
    edited December 2011
    Wow. I'm sorry about all the drama, it seems weddings really bring it out. Hopefully it'll all work out for the best. Just stick to your guts and make sure to get things YOU like and YOU want for YOUR wedding. It's about you and FI.
  • edited December 2011
    Pros and Cons:
    Con:
    Completely sucks to be in a situation like that especially since FI probably doesn't understand what you are feeling right now.
    Pro:
    Like you said at least someone is trying to help since your mom isn't. (I know the feeling)
    Plus on your trip you did find some cute ones, even though the FMIL's pick was hideous.

    I haven't gotten to that point with my FMIL (YET) but I have with my mom.  If she hasn't gone through a wedding yet she may not understand how tense things can get.  Maybe you can write her a letter explaining how you feel -- easier said than done I know but she is your FI's mom. It seems like you have a great relationship besides the "trying to help" issue.
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  • edited December 2011
    My FMIL was so offended everytime I didn't like what she liked. She even bought her own bridal magazine! I can feel your pain and I can imagine how not exciting and even forced the trip to the store seemed. :( Im sorry she was so moody yesterday, sometimes family members and friends take on the wedding like it's their own. So weird, but Im glad you got your FG dress. You are a busy girl and you should be admired for all that you are doing work and school-wise!
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  • PattyJosePattyJose member
    500 Comments
    edited December 2011
    I'm so sorry to hear. Your not alone, I'm sure I don't speak for myself when I say FMIL are never easy to deal with, but they come with the package. ;) I completely understand your frusttation, but at least you were able to find the FG dress :) that's a check! And now that you tried on some veils you know what may or may not look good. I hope your day today is better and wish u a happy new year! :)
  • edited December 2011
    LOL! Thanx, you guys are awesome!!!!
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  • edited December 2011
    Good luck in finding your veil!  I have always liked simple and elegant myself and your fmil should respect your tastes. However, be patient with her because I'm sure that she is just trying to help.  Good luck!
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