RSVP Question

LaMaFa

So we are less than a month to the wedding (YAY!) and our RSVP date was yesterday. I asked my mom to call the few people left from our family who haven't replied by next Saturday so that when I go to the venue for our menu meeting the following Monday I have our final numbers so we can guarantee enough food for everyone.
She replied that you aren't supposed to contact the no-replys, that it is to be assumed they aren't coming; and besides, she thinks we'll have enough extra meals if someone does show.
I had a WTF is she smoking moment... I've ALWAYS heard (even on the Etiquette board!) that you contact the no-replys so you know for sure who is & isn't coming- to have accurate counts for the venue, your favors, escort cards, etc. I've already had one RSVP get lost in the mail- they supposedly sent it over 3 weeks ago, & we ONLY knew they were coming because their name was a booking on our room block, it would have been quite a surprise when they showed up at the wedding and we had no seating placement, etc for them because their reply got lost.
Given that one RSVP has already been lost, I think it's wise to call and verify with people. Not to mention that there might be people who are planning to come and simply forgot to send their RSVP. FI and I both think it makes perfect sense to contact the handful of people who haven't replied to find out if they're coming or not... please tell me I'm not the only one thinking my mom is wrong here, I felt a little crazy for a second.

AMYM312

You and your FI are the ones that need to be making the calls.

LaMaFa

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/local-wedding-boards_florida-south-florida_rsvp-question-3?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Local%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:67Discussion:f9bcb74d-8ba1-4d44-8d63-8cef7dbd779fPost:18a3ea56-86d7-4097-a112-572e8b1079d2">Re: RSVP Question</a>:
[QUOTE]You and your FI are the ones that need to be making the calls.
Posted by AMYM312[/QUOTE]
I would, but I don't actually know most of them, as they are friends of my parents. A couple are relatives and I plan on calling them, but I cannot call my parents' friends.

AMYM312

Since your mom is refusing to call it doesn't sound like you have any other choice.

LaMaFa

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/local-wedding-boards_florida-south-florida_rsvp-question-3?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Local%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:67Discussion:f9bcb74d-8ba1-4d44-8d63-8cef7dbd779fPost:b6e49a4e-89c2-48e5-b83d-135f785c2d1c">Re: RSVP Question</a>:
[QUOTE]Since your mom is refusing to call it doesn't sound like you have any other choice.
Posted by AMYM312[/QUOTE]
Thank you for your opinion, but I was hoping for some suggestions on how to convince my mom that we are, in fact, supposed to be contacting the no-replys whether I call or she calls. Especially since she is under the impression that no one at all is supposed to contact the people who haven't replied and I don't have time to spend 3 weeks convincing her that we do need to call like I normally end up doing with her.
I do not have the phone number or e-mails for the people I need to contact that are not family, so I still have to convince her I need to contact them to get their RSVP so I can get that information in time to call before I have to have the final numbers into our venue. Again, thank you for your opinion, but I'd really appreciate a suggestion or advice that will help with the problem I have, not what the appropriate etiquette is (if I wanted that, there's a board I can go post on instead of this one).

MrsFranco417

I'm a wedding planner (as well as a bride), and I ALWAYS tell my clients to contact the no-replies for RSVPs. Not only is it ok to do, but it ultimately is necessary. I get your mom's POV, that if they didnt respond obviously they arent coming, but thats not always the case. As you said, one has already been MIA but you found out it was a "yes" because they booked your hotel. Also, you are right, some people put the invite aside and ultimately forget about it and do intend on coming. So, either your mom needs to do it or you need to get the info from your mom and you and your FI do it. But from what you've already experienced with the lost reply, you can use that as an example for your mother. Was the lost reply one of her guests? If so, I would use that. Just be like "Mom, I know you think its improper to call people, but I need a final count, I've already had one lost in the mail, maybe there are others. We cannot risk not having enough food, and I also need to know in order to do seating arrangements, etc. I would really appreciate it if you would contact your invitees who we have yet to receive a response from so that when I meet with the caterer on [insert date] I can give them a final count." you may also want to bring up what happens if there are more people than what you told the caterer. I hope this helps

Mademoiselle D

Laura, I don't think you are in the wrong at all.  I think you should call the guests who did not reply by the response date because you don't want to guests to show up by surprise and not account for their food or seat. Like MrsFranco mentioned, some people will forget to send their card or it could be lost in the mail. 

Our rsvp deadline was the last day of September and my mom contacted those family members who did not send their rsvps and FI's mom contacted her family members and whatever guests she decided to invite. My mom volunteered to contact whatever guests we still needed to hear from on our side because she wanted to lift some weight on my shoulders (which I was very thankful for) and my FMIL contacted her people because I don't have their contact info so she is the best person to contact them. Personally, I don't agree with Amy in that you and Chris must be the ones to contact these people especially if these are your mom's guests. If for some reason your mom isn't convinced to contact her missing guests based on the incident with the lost rsvp then your last resort would be to ask her to give you their contact info. 

I hope it works out for you!!