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Latino Weddings
HELP! Why won't my Hispanic inlaws return RSVPs?
I am a White American marrying a Mexican American, who came to the US when he was 10. His parents, aunts and uncles, and one set of grandparents have lived in Wisconsin for 15 years, but they are not "Americanized" at all and only the kids under 25 speak English. None of this is a problem for me and my family. I knew Spanish and lived in El Paso, TX for 3 years before I met my fiance, so I was already familiar with the culture. I eat the food, speak the language, listen to the music, dance.
I love my inlaws, their extended family, and their friends, and they get along great with my family. Even though our cultures are different, our families recognize we all share the same values. My fiance and I are both trying to be very considerate about culture and we are having a mixed culture wedding. Our families have both been very supportive of this.
We are having a biligual Mass, both bridesmaids and padrinos, American dinner with Mexican appetizer and tres leches cake, bilingual dj, mixed music, ect. There is one thing I did not see coming...the invitations and RSVPs.
We sent out a completely bilingual save the date, and my fiance's family was a little confused, but we explained the concept and they thought that was great. We sent out a completely bilingual invitation with a bilingual RSVP. The RSVP was a stamped post card, so all you have to do is write down how many people and put it in the mail. I asked my fiance if his family would know what to do, and he said yes. He also told his mom you are supposed to fill out the post card and send it back. But none of his family has sent back the RSVP.
I realize there is a cultural difference. In the American culture, verbal word doesn't mean anything, but written word means everything. From what I observe, the Mexican culture seems to be the opposite. Also, his family celebrations (weddings, quiceaneras, birthday parties) tend to be in cheaper venues with buffet style meals, so needing an exact count for a meal or seating chart would seem silly. But our wedding is in a country club with a sit down meal and we need a close count. How do I get his family to understand we need them to return the RSVP so we know how many tables and entrees are needed?
I love my inlaws, their extended family, and their friends, and they get along great with my family. Even though our cultures are different, our families recognize we all share the same values. My fiance and I are both trying to be very considerate about culture and we are having a mixed culture wedding. Our families have both been very supportive of this.
We are having a biligual Mass, both bridesmaids and padrinos, American dinner with Mexican appetizer and tres leches cake, bilingual dj, mixed music, ect. There is one thing I did not see coming...the invitations and RSVPs.
We sent out a completely bilingual save the date, and my fiance's family was a little confused, but we explained the concept and they thought that was great. We sent out a completely bilingual invitation with a bilingual RSVP. The RSVP was a stamped post card, so all you have to do is write down how many people and put it in the mail. I asked my fiance if his family would know what to do, and he said yes. He also told his mom you are supposed to fill out the post card and send it back. But none of his family has sent back the RSVP.
I realize there is a cultural difference. In the American culture, verbal word doesn't mean anything, but written word means everything. From what I observe, the Mexican culture seems to be the opposite. Also, his family celebrations (weddings, quiceaneras, birthday parties) tend to be in cheaper venues with buffet style meals, so needing an exact count for a meal or seating chart would seem silly. But our wedding is in a country club with a sit down meal and we need a close count. How do I get his family to understand we need them to return the RSVP so we know how many tables and entrees are needed?
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Re: HELP! Why won't my Hispanic inlaws return RSVPs?
In Latin America a couple generations ago, the guests used to first get an invitation card headed to each couple invited and in the card and indicative number of how many people they could bring. For example:
Mr. and Mrs. Rojas & Family
we are pleased to .... (bla bla)
Spots ("Cupos" in spanish): 5
The number included them & their children basically, and you would do this with each of your inlaws who are adults.
After that about a week later they would get a call from the bride, bridesmaid or wedding planner, to ask them if they were coming and if they would be using all the spots assigned to them.
Now the american concept is different, you invite them and ask them how many people they're bringing (which they think is already understood) - so it might be useful to just call them, or get somebody else to call them and confirm how many people are coming and trust their word
While talking about wedding planning with my future SILs, most were surprised by RSVP cards. Based on what I'm hearing, I'm assuming that we'll get card responses from my family and a lot of text messaging to his family.
My FI suggested leaving them out for his family and only sending them to mine but it seems too rude. We'll see how it goes!