Yellow Gold Rings? (Sorry for another post, but 1 more question)

Narwhal · May 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_just-engaged-proposals_yellow-gold-rings-sorry-for-another-post-but-1-more-question?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:683Discussion:3e4d3cca-5c61-4be2-8fbb-b7b00ded1dccPost:0802a11f-de59-42a4-85b1-c597ad38c531">Re: Yellow Gold Rings? (Sorry for another post, but 1 more question)</a>:
[QUOTE]Just to make it perfectly clear, I understand that we're on a budget. So, when I posted a picture of a ring I adored and said I was a 'Big, Sparkly, ring' I was simply saying that I want a style similar to what I posted, but of course within our budget. The budget isn't an issue to me. The issue is: I prefer white gold. When my FI and I became engaged, he informed me that he didn't have a ring (due to budget) so we, at the time, decided that I didn't need an engagment ring and that we would just get wedding bands. After that point, my FI wanted to design my wedding band himself, which is no problem. Then we talked and I told him I DID want an engagement ring. So, now, he will be getting me one. But because he originally wanted to design my wedding band, which he told me will be yellow gold, when he goes to design my e-ring, it will also match. Which of course is gonna be yellow gold! Everything I showed him is white gold, NOT yellow. So, I never gave him any impression that I wanted yellow. And I don't like it. He was really hurt when I told him I was disappointed because I wanted to help pick out/give input about my ring. He said he was really excited to design it himself. He says he know I'll love it. I'm fine with that. I would LOVE for him to design the ring. I just don't want it to be yellow gold! Who knows, maybe I will LOVE the way it looks. <strong>But, in general, yellow gold doesn't look good to me at all. It looks cheap, to be honest.</strong> And that's just my opinion/preference....not to offend any of you ladies on here!
Posted by FutureWifey4Him[/QUOTE]

Ouch.

I don't understand how yellow gold could look cheap, seeing how white gold and sterling silver look alike and sterling silver is significantly less expensive. Whether you like it or not is one thing, because it has to work with your skintone (white gold washes me out) but looking cheap is something I really don't understand.

Anyway.. like everyone else says, you really need to tell him you don't like it if you don't, before he has it made. Have you tried any yellow gold on? You may be surprised. If you have and it doesn't look good, maybe you should show him and explain that you don't like how it looks on your skin.

I think you asked earlier for pretty yellow gold rings? I like mine...

<a href="http://cdn.cl9.vanillaforums.com/downloaded/ver1.0/content/images/store/2/14/c23cdce9-dd1b-441b-8ee7-2db9221583b3.large.jpg" title="Click to view a larger photo" class="PhotoLink"> <img src="http://cdn.cl9.vanillaforums.com/downloaded/ver1.0/content/images/store/2/14/c23cdce9-dd1b-441b-8ee7-2db9221583b3.medium.jpg" alt="" /></a>

DiLynn83 · May 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_just-engaged-proposals_yellow-gold-rings-sorry-for-another-post-but-1-more-question?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:683Discussion:3e4d3cca-5c61-4be2-8fbb-b7b00ded1dccPost:0802a11f-de59-42a4-85b1-c597ad38c531">Re: Yellow Gold Rings? (Sorry for another post, but 1 more question)</a>:
[QUOTE]Just to make it perfectly clear, I understand that we're on a budget. So, when I posted a picture of a ring I adored and said I was a 'Big, Sparkly, ring' I was simply saying that I want a style similar to what I posted, but of course within our budget. The budget isn't an issue to me. The issue is: I prefer white gold. When my FI and I became engaged, he informed me that he didn't have a ring (due to budget) so we, at the time, decided that I didn't need an engagment ring and that we would just get wedding bands. After that point, my FI wanted to design my wedding band himself, which is no problem. Then we talked and I told him I DID want an engagement ring. So, now, he will be getting me one. But because he originally wanted to design my wedding band, which he told me will be yellow gold, when he goes to design my e-ring, it will also match. Which of course is gonna be yellow gold! <strong>Everything I showed him is white gold, NOT yellow. So, I never gave him any impression that I wanted yellow. And I don't like it.</strong> He was really hurt when I told him I was disappointed because I wanted to help pick out/give input about my ring. He said he was really excited to design it himself. He says he know I'll love it. I'm fine with that. I would LOVE for him to design the ring.<strong> I just don't want it to be yellow gold!</strong> Who knows, maybe I will LOVE the way it looks. <strong>But, in general, yellow gold doesn't look good to me at all.</strong> It looks cheap, to be honest. And that's just my opinion/preference....not to offend any of you ladies on here!
Posted by FutureWifey4Him[/QUOTE]

<div>So here's what you say: "FI, I love you, but I don't love yellow gold. At all. In fact, I strongly DISLIKE yellow gold. It's nothing personal against you, and I'm really touched that you're designing the ring I will wear for the rest of my life. I'm sure I will love the style. But please, when you select the metal, do not select yellow gold because<em> I do not care for yellow gold."</em></div><div>
</div><div>If that doesn't drive the point home, I don't know what will.</div>

RamonaFlowers · May 2012

You have to wear this ring, not him. And while I get that he wants it to be a "surprise", I think something as basic as saying "Please, no yellow gold, I hate how it looks" is hardly going to ruin anything.

And your rings do not have to match his. If he wants to wear a yellow gold band, good for him, he can totally have that. But if you don't like yellow gold, there's no good reason for your rings to be yellow gold as well. My rings are both white gold, and DH's ring is titanium (He thinks golds are too "shiny" and "feminine" looking-his words, not mine). We're both happy with what we have, and the fact that we each love our rings means way more to us than the rings "matching".

I'm not going to lie, if I expressly told DH "please, no yellow gold, I really, really, really do not like it" and then he handed me a yellow gold ring, I'd be feeling incredibly hurt and disrespected ... and I'd be seriously considering not going through with the wedding. Not because the ring "wasn't right", but because his blatant disregard for my feelings on such a basic request-that actually had no effect on him whatsoever. If that's how he treats a piece of jewelry, who's to say how he'll handle disagreeing with me on something much bigger: like how to manage joint finances, or how to raise children.

GoodLuckBear14 · May 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_just-engaged-proposals_yellow-gold-rings-sorry-for-another-post-but-1-more-question?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:683Discussion:3e4d3cca-5c61-4be2-8fbb-b7b00ded1dccPost:9ba80071-69ec-4746-a938-418bdac46d5a">Re: Yellow Gold Rings? (Sorry for another post, but 1 more question)</a>:
[QUOTE]You have to wear this ring, not him. And while I get that he wants it to be a "surprise", I think something as basic as saying "Please, no yellow gold, I hate how it looks" is hardly going to ruin anything. And your rings do not have to match his. If he wants to wear a yellow gold band, good for him, he can totally have that. But if you don't like yellow gold, there's no good reason for your rings to be yellow gold as well. My rings are both white gold, and DH's ring is titanium (He thinks golds are too "shiny" and "feminine" looking-his words, not mine). We're both happy with what we have, and the fact that we each love our rings means way more to us than the rings "matching". <strong>I'm</strong> <strong>not going to lie, if I expressly told DH "please, no yellow gold, I really, really, really do not like it" and then</strong> <strong>he handed me a yellow gold ring, I'd be feeling incredibly hurt and disrespected ... and I'd be seriously considering not going through with the wedding. Not because the ring "wasn't right", but because his blatant disregard for my feelings on such a basic request-that actually had no effect on him whatsoever. If that's how he treats a piece of jewelry, who's to say how he'll handle disagreeing with me or something much bigger: like how to manage joint finances, or how to raise children.
</strong>Posted by RamonaFlowers[/QUOTE]

This is definitely something to think about OP

FutureWifey4Him · May 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_just-engaged-proposals_yellow-gold-rings-sorry-for-another-post-but-1-more-question?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:683Discussion:3e4d3cca-5c61-4be2-8fbb-b7b00ded1dccPost:52c7993e-02fd-493e-90ce-ba32114f6b58">Re: Yellow Gold Rings? (Sorry for another post, but 1 more question)</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Yellow Gold Rings? (Sorry for another post, but 1 more question) : Ouch. I don't understand how yellow gold could look cheap, seeing how white gold and sterling silver look alike and sterling silver is significantly less expensive. Whether you like it or not is one thing, because it has to work with your skintone (white gold washes me out) but looking cheap is something I really don't understand. Anyway.. like everyone else says, you really need to tell him you don't like it if you don't, before he has it made. Have you tried any yellow gold on? You may be surprised. If you have and it doesn't look good, maybe you should show him and explain that you don't like how it looks on your skin. I think you asked earlier for pretty yellow gold rings? I like mine...
Posted by Narwhal[/QUOTE]

I actually do like your ring, to be honest.

Most of the rings I've seen that are yellow gold do not look good, though. I wore 'gold' when I was younger and I dont like it now, for myself. A lot of people I know wear gold. Saying 'cheap' is not the right word I was looking for, so I do apologize. I would say, to me, gold does not stand out or look as pretty as white gold. It looks very bland and basic. On average, I never pay attention to gold rings. The ones that stand out are white gold.

FutureWifey4Him · May 2012

Oh yeah, another thing:

When I showed my boyfriend a picture of a sparkly ring w/ pretty diamonds he said it looked like a fashion ring and he also said that he would not be purchasing anything like that because of all the issues w/ diamonds and people getting killed etc. etc.

As far as how we get the diamonds, in many cases.

So, I'm not sure that I will even be getting a diamond

FutureWifey4Him · May 2012

In all honesty, it seems like in the past, the men chose their bride-to-be's ring without her input at all. And just surprised her with a proposal.

But now, it's more modern/usual for the bride-to-be to help pick out the ring, if not pick out the ring herself.

And my fiance doesn't like the modern way and he is truly excited to design my ring. I love that! But, he honestly felt hurt when I told him I wanted to help and give him input as to what I like exactly. He was like "IIt hurts me that you didn't see how excited I was when I told you I was going to design your ring. It's selfish of you to say that you feel disappointed by that. I was planning on spending a lot of money on you rring and taking a lot of time to deisgn it."

FutureWifey4Him · May 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_just-engaged-proposals_yellow-gold-rings-sorry-for-another-post-but-1-more-question?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:683Discussion:3e4d3cca-5c61-4be2-8fbb-b7b00ded1dccPost:f0ab689d-9326-4cdd-9fb2-c51457576e70">Re: Yellow Gold Rings? (Sorry for another post, but 1 more question)</a>:
[QUOTE]There are many companies out there using what they call "conflict-free" diamonds in their rings. Also, you might look into estate jewelry for pre-owned diamonds. They may not have been conflict-free, but by recycling a diamond instead of buying a new one you're not adding to the problem.
Posted by LucyHC[/QUOTE]

Thank you!! I didn't know that.

How can I find out what companies are using "conflict-free" diamonds? Would Google be helpful?

GoodLuckBear14 · May 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_just-engaged-proposals_yellow-gold-rings-sorry-for-another-post-but-1-more-question?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:683Discussion:3e4d3cca-5c61-4be2-8fbb-b7b00ded1dccPost:9fd5c3b0-706c-4dfe-adc1-7e04cf771c6f">Re: Yellow Gold Rings? (Sorry for another post, but 1 more question)</a>:
[QUOTE]In all honesty, it seems like in the past, the men chose their bride-to-be's ring without her input at all. And just surprised her with a proposal. But now, it's more modern/usual for the bride-to-be to help pick out the ring, if not pick out the ring herself. And my fiance doesn't like the modern way and he is truly excited to design my ring. I love that! But, he honestly felt hurt when I told him I wanted to help and give him input as to what I like exactly. He was like "IIt hurts me that you didn't see how excited I was when I told you I was going to design your ring. It's selfish of you to say that you feel disappointed by that. I was planning on spending a lot of money on you rring and taking a lot of time to deisgn it."
Posted by FutureWifey4Him[/QUOTE]

How much money he spends on it doesn't matter. It is incredibly selfish and controlling of him to insist on the ring being made of a metal that you hate. This is not a sign of a loving man. This is the sign of a controlling manipulator. He's trying to put the guilt and hurt on you for something that he did and that is BS.

FutureWifey4Him · May 2012

I just talked with him.

I told him that I would love for him to make the ring & that I am excited about that. However, I do not like yellow gold. I told im SPECIFICALLY that I like white gold instead.

His response is that GOLD is YELLOW. It's pure gold-not rhodium dipped. He then compliments me and tells me that I would look great in gold with my golden skin tone. And he told me that white gold is ugly, in his opinion.

So, it looks like I won't be getting a white gold ring. We've been together for 6 years with everything great! He's an awesome guy. I guess the ring is the one thing he wants to take control over-because I usually get my way. :signs: Really wish I could have white gold, though. But we will see what the ring looks like.

Narwhal · May 2012

Actually it's not pure gold. Pure gold would bend and look awful. I guess if you have to get gold, ask for a lower karat, like 10k, which will be lighter than say, 18k.

Also, I had an issue with conflict diamonds as well. The only reason mine had diamonds is because it was FI's grandmother's ring.

I really hate that he is being so stubborn about this. I would be very upset if FI told me that he doesn't care what I think - he's going to do whatever he wants anyway. That really sucks. That's okay that he thinks white gold is ugly - you think yellow gold is ugly. Who is going to have to look at it more?

But if you do end up with yellow gold, maybe you could mix your metals with your wedding band. It's a cool look and it could be a compromise... I guess.

GoodLuckBear14 · May 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_just-engaged-proposals_yellow-gold-rings-sorry-for-another-post-but-1-more-question?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:683Discussion:3e4d3cca-5c61-4be2-8fbb-b7b00ded1dccPost:f52edb6f-cdce-40e8-8704-08e71ee8da1a">Re: Yellow Gold Rings? (Sorry for another post, but 1 more question)</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Yellow Gold Rings? (Sorry for another post, but 1 more question) : Then tell him you want platinum.
Posted by LucyHC[/QUOTE]

My thoughts exactly. His insistence on a using a metal for a ring that he will never wear is insane. ( and by "he will never wear" I mean her E-ring). I get that it is a gift but for the love of all that is holy, to completely disregard OP's preference (not just "I prefer white gold" but "I hate yellow gold and how it looks on me") has to be the stupidest thing I have ever heard a man fighting. And then he tries to make her feel guilty for having a preference that is not his. At this point, it's not just about the ring, it is about respecting her opinions.

RamonaFlowers · May 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_just-engaged-proposals_yellow-gold-rings-sorry-for-another-post-but-1-more-question?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:683Discussion:3e4d3cca-5c61-4be2-8fbb-b7b00ded1dccPost:ab57fbe6-95b7-4ba1-a8d0-a55fcbe8781c">Re: Yellow Gold Rings? (Sorry for another post, but 1 more question)</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Yellow Gold Rings? (Sorry for another post, but 1 more question) : My thoughts exactly. His insistence on a using a metal for a ring that he will never wear is insane. ( and by "he will never wear" I mean her E-ring). I get that it is a gift but for the love of all that is holy, to completely disregard OP's preference (not just "I prefer white gold" but "I hate yellow gold and how it looks on me") has to be the stupidest thing I have ever heard a man fighting. And then he tries to make her feel guilty for having a preference that is not his. At this point, it's not just about the ring, it is about respecting her opinions.
Posted by GoodLuckBear14[/QUOTE]

Exactly. Like I said in my PP, if I specifically told DH that I didn't like something that had ZERO effect on him, and he proceeded to deliberately ignore that, I'd feel incredibly disrespected and hurt ... and it would definitely make me question how much my opinion was going to matter when he decided he wanted to buy a new car with our money that I knew we couldn't afford, or he decided that his mother would be primary daycare for our kids when I didn't feel she should be left alone with them.

Marriage is about compromise. If he seriously can not let go the idea of yellow gold on a piece of jewelry that he will never even wear, you really do need to see the possibly red flag here.

dewingedpixie · May 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_just-engaged-proposals_yellow-gold-rings-sorry-for-another-post-but-1-more-question?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:683Discussion:3e4d3cca-5c61-4be2-8fbb-b7b00ded1dccPost:b8c7df6b-34c4-4bfc-b3da-8511001c8428">Re: Yellow Gold Rings? (Sorry for another post, but 1 more question)</a>:
[QUOTE]Oh yeah, another thing: When I showed my boyfriend a picture of a sparkly ring w/ pretty diamonds he said it looked like a fashion ring and he also said that he would not be purchasing anything like that because of all the issues w/ diamonds and people getting killed etc. etc. As far as how we get the diamonds, in many cases. So, I'm not sure that I will even be getting a diamond
Posted by FutureWifey4Him[/QUOTE]

Have you considered a natural white sapphire? check your pm box I sent you a note the other day. I can send you more information too. We went with a sapphire and all my diamonds and metal will be conflict free as well. This was something very important to me. We are also going with broach bouquets with silk flowers because of how I feel about killing off flowers and the waste associated. I'm sensitive to these things its important to me that the rings I wear for the rest of my life did not harm another's life.

meganb1977 · May 2012

Not to make a mountain out of a molehill, but if he takes offence when you try to say, "Fiance, I love you and appreciate your excitement and the effort you intend to put into designing my ring, and I trust you to select the most beautiful design you can within your budget, but I am going to be wearing the ring for the rest of my life and would like white gold and not yellow gold," and you don't feel good that he is still trying to push his preference for yellow gold on you when, as pp's mentioned, he will not be wearing your engagrement ring and there is no need for his ring to match yours, then you might want to consider doing some work with a counselor or minister on how you resolve your differences before you get married.

That said, my ring set and fiance's ring are yellow gold and I think they're lovely. But that's what we both prefer and what we wanted. I originally wanted the bands to match but we picked different styles and it was more important for us each to have what we liked.

dewingedpixie · May 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_just-engaged-proposals_yellow-gold-rings-sorry-for-another-post-but-1-more-question?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:683Discussion:3e4d3cca-5c61-4be2-8fbb-b7b00ded1dccPost:4be7b81b-f545-4621-a996-cb9656e10062">Re: Yellow Gold Rings? (Sorry for another post, but 1 more question)</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Yellow Gold Rings? (Sorry for another post, but 1 more question) : Can we assume that you disapprove of mowing the lawn, too?
Posted by LucyHC[/QUOTE]

LOL no that I'm ok with keeps the snakes and critters in the forrest where they belong. I just dont care for cut flowers. Its why he's never bought them for me it makes me sad when they die and I just think its a waste. I do love potted flowers, and gardens though.

saacjw · May 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_just-engaged-proposals_yellow-gold-rings-sorry-for-another-post-but-1-more-question?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:683Discussion:3e4d3cca-5c61-4be2-8fbb-b7b00ded1dccPost:5d427350-9c38-4bb5-a49e-1418f7a9d57b">Re: Yellow Gold Rings? (Sorry for another post, but 1 more question)</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Yellow Gold Rings? (Sorry for another post, but 1 more question) : LOL no that I'm ok with keeps the snakes and critters in the forrest where they belong. I just dont care for cut flowers. Its why he's never bought them for me it makes me sad when they die and I just think its a waste. I do love potted flowers, and gardens though.
Posted by dewingedpixie[/QUOTE]

<div>Sorry, this thread made me giggle, because I'm actually just fine with cut flowers but am not overly fond of mowed grass... It's a water runoff thing and I only get really irritated sometimes, because lawn is better than concrete. </div><div>
</div><div>And... I'm going to shut up and let the thread back on topic now. <img src="http://cdn.cl9.vanillaforums.com/downloaded/ver1.0/content/scripts/tinymce/plugins/emotions/images/smiley-tongue-out.gif" border="0" alt="Tongue Out" title="Tongue Out" /></div>

arrestclementine · May 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_just-engaged-proposals_yellow-gold-rings-sorry-for-another-post-but-1-more-question?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:683Discussion:3e4d3cca-5c61-4be2-8fbb-b7b00ded1dccPost:9fd5c3b0-706c-4dfe-adc1-7e04cf771c6f">Re: Yellow Gold Rings? (Sorry for another post, but 1 more question)</a>:
[QUOTE]In all honesty, it seems like in the past, the men chose their bride-to-be's ring without her input at all. And just surprised her with a proposal. But now, it's more modern/usual for the bride-to-be to help pick out the ring, if not pick out the ring herself. And my fiance doesn't like the modern way and he is truly excited to design my ring. I love that! But, he honestly felt hurt when I told him I wanted to help and give him input as to what I like exactly. He was like "IIt hurts me that you didn't see how excited I was when I told you I was going to design your ring. It's selfish of you to say that you feel disappointed by that. I was planning on spending a lot of money on you rring and taking a lot of time to deisgn it."
Posted by FutureWifey4Him[/QUOTE]

I know that I am in the minority in that I had no idea that DH was going to propose. We had never went ring shopping. And to be completely honest he had no idea what I really liked. But with that said when friends and family were getting engaged I would say "Oh I really liked this about her ring" or "I don't like this about this persons ring". I had mentioned that I didn't like the yellow gold, and I did not like the past present future settings. Anyways the point I'm trying to make is even though I didn't pick out my ring, DH took into account all the comments I had made and I got a white gold band in a very unique setting. Is this ring something I would have picked out? No it's not - but I LOVE it. And it means so much more to me that he went and took the time to find something that he thought would be wearable.

OP - what about rose gold? It's pretty (at least I think so) and may be a good comprise for the two of you?

FutureWifey4Him · May 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_just-engaged-proposals_yellow-gold-rings-sorry-for-another-post-but-1-more-question?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:683Discussion:3e4d3cca-5c61-4be2-8fbb-b7b00ded1dccPost:1da1438c-4691-4712-9122-fb56ea4e3983">Re: Yellow Gold Rings? (Sorry for another post, but 1 more question)</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Yellow Gold Rings? (Sorry for another post, but 1 more question) : Have you considered a natural white sapphire? check your pm box I sent you a note the other day. I can send you more information too. We went with a sapphire and all my diamonds and metal will be conflict free as well. This was something very important to me. We are also going with broach bouquets with silk flowers because of how I feel about killing off flowers and the waste associated. I'm sensitive to these things its important to me that the rings I wear for the rest of my life did not harm another's life.
Posted by dewingedpixie[/QUOTE]

Thank you so much for all of that information! I will be checking my PM box!!

Yellow Gold Rings? (Sorry for another post, but 1 more question)

Re: Yellow Gold Rings? (Sorry for another post, but 1 more question)

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