Just Engaged and Proposals

Engagement pictures/Engagement party...not feeling it ---vent

I thought about us having an E party but the more I think about it, I'm not really up for it. I already feel distanced enough from certain people in my life and I feel like it would just do that even more. I don't even know if I want to do engagement pictures especially if we end up doing a wedding or family session. We had plans to do a session of our kids and maybe some as a family so I guess it could serve as both. I'm just not feeling the love about the whole engagement from my mom mostly. And I think that's what is bothering me the most. She seemed more excited about my sister's last minute engagement and wedding within about a four month time span, than what my FI did. He even asked my dad for permission, he included my mom in on things as far as telling her his plan. But when I told her on the phone she was so non chalant and didn't really act happy, and when I showed her my ring and everything, still no real reaction. I don't know I kind of feel jipped. Like she favors my sister more for some reason, and I feel like that is going to happen when it comes time for the wedding. Everytime I talk about anything wedding related she goes back to "Well your sister did..." I'm the baby of the family but still, I'm my own person. And my mom would shoot me if I didn't have a wedding, but yet I feel it won't be up to her "standards" of what she had in mind. I don't know what to do. Should I say something to her?

Re: Engagement pictures/Engagement party...not feeling it ---vent

  • What did you decide?  I'm having a similar problem with my mom.  She's very unresponsive about anything to do with wedding planning and I'm the oldest and the first to get married in the family.  She also doesn't care about her dress for the wedding and keeps telling me to go to the courthouse.  I keep telling her that I want a wedding but the only response I get to that is how much she hates my FILs because they are pushing a big wedding.  I repeatedly tell her that what is important to us is to have as many family and friends as possible but she keeps telling me that I don't need to sucumb to peer pressure and have a wedding.  All I need to do is go to the courthouse.  I've cried during these converstations and I've repeatedly told her how hurt I am that she's not listening to me but it's like a broken record with her.  She was so excited during both of my cousin's weddings and went out and bought several dresses for each occasion and booked a hotel room early and bought them really expensive, lavish gifts.  I told her not to worry about any gifts for us and the only monetary commitment from her is my dress which she has bought and paid for.  She was going to help with flowers, but because of exteniouating circumstances can't.  I don't konw what to do or how to get through to her trhat she is hurting me.  Any suggestions?  Where you able to get through to your mother?  Thanks for letting me rant up here - it's been really rough and I don't feel like I have any cheerleaders on my side.  My BMs are very busy - all married with children except for two but both of them are dating someone and I rarely see them and they rarely ask to help out.... Is it me or does anyone else have these types of problems?
  • You do not need an engagement party. H and I didn't have one and we are ok with that.

    Also the excitement factor with your mom could be for many reasons. If your sisters wedding was recently then maybe she is weddinged out. Or maybe it is because you still have a lot of time until your actual day.
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  • Sorry that your mom is making you feel that way. I choose not to have an engagement party for personal reasons. Our wedding is really tiny and (some budget constraints in the family). In the end, I wanted to focus on just us two vs. having a party for people who may or may not even show genuine interest or support the wedding. THAT would p*ss me off.
    I hope everything works out for you whatever you decide. I don't have any regrets with that decision.
  • My sister's wedding was over a year ago. She even gave them a one year anniversary present (bizarre much?). But FI and I have always kind of thought that she didn't like him for one reason or another. My dad and step mom and the rest of my family and friends LOVE him. It's just my mom that seems to be on that page. WE weren't going to throw OURSELVES an E party, but if asked I just am not really up for it. I don't really like being the center of attention to begin with which is partially why we only plan to have a fifteen minute ceremony. My sister BROKE UP with her now H so she could try and be with someone else whom she had been cheating with for years. Things didn't work out (she was planning on moving to another country for this guy) and therefor went back to her old bf now H. And they were "friends' then all of a sudden engaged and planning a wedding on Christmas Eve of that year. My sister and I aren't even on speaking terms for various reasons. And I've always kind of felt like my mom chose her side about things for what reason I don't know, but I guess for the sake that I always thought my mom was close to me and supported my decisions (for the most part) that she would have been more ecstatic or at least SOUND happy. We haven't picked a date yet, but we know it'll most likely be May of next year or the following year. Either way she should still be supportive of my decision and be happy that I found someone who loves and cares for not only me but my daughter (who isn't even related to him) and for our son (him and i). Yeah things didn't go in traditional order, but not everything does.
  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_just-engaged-proposals_engagement-picturesengagement-partynot-feeling-it-vent?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:683Discussion:65d6ec00-7117-4cc2-8b07-326d37ff6d6fPost:3fe69574-0cc7-499b-8252-32dcee708fb4">Re: Engagement pictures/Engagement party...not feeling it ---vent</a>:
    [QUOTE]My sister's wedding was over a year ago. She even gave them a one year anniversary present (bizarre much?). But FI and I have always kind of thought that she didn't like him for one reason or another. My dad and step mom and the rest of my family and friends LOVE him. It's just my mom that seems to be on that page. WE weren't going to throw OURSELVES an E party,<strong> but if asked I just am not really up for it.</strong> I don't really like being the center of attention to begin with which is partially why we only plan to have a fifteen minute ceremony. My sister BROKE UP with her now H so she could try and be with someone else whom she had been cheating with for years. Things didn't work out (she was planning on moving to another country for this guy) and therefor went back to her old bf now H. And they were "friends' then all of a sudden engaged and planning a wedding on Christmas Eve of that year. My sister and I aren't even on speaking terms for various reasons. And I've always kind of felt like my mom chose her side about things for what reason I don't know, but I guess for the sake that I always thought my mom was close to me and supported my decisions (for the most part) that she would have been more ecstatic or at least SOUND happy. We haven't picked a date yet, but we know it'll most likely be May of next year or the following year. Either way she should still be supportive of my decision and be happy that I found someone who loves and cares for not only me but my daughter (who isn't even related to him) and for our son (him and i). Yeah things didn't go in traditional order, but not everything does.
    Posted by melissadavis0226[/QUOTE]

    <div>You can decline.</div>
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  • As far as a wedding, you can have as many or as few of the things that are within your budget (or are offered to you) that are pleasing to you.  Engagement parties and engagement photos are entirely optional.  We did not have an engagement party, and did take engagement photos but just with a friend who's handy with a camera so not a big deal.

    If your parents are paying for the wedding your mother will have more input, if you and your fiance are paying you can tell her you appreciate the suggestion but you plan to do such-and-such.  If she doesn't ultimately get the hint that you're doing something different from what your sister did, it's her, not you...and perhaps your sister would agree.

    Whoever said it was supposed to be happily ever after is a big fat liar.
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