What do you do if you want a different ring?

kellya01

So, I know this sounds crazy, but he bought a "bridal set" which has the matching wedding band.  I am not crazy about the ring, and I'm willing to chip in to get something different.  Is it uncouth for me to ask him for a different one?  I mean, I like it a lot, and he picked it out for me, so that has its own sentimental value, but I'm just not crazy about it.  

Of course, we had to send it in to get re-sized, so that is sad because I really haven't seen it in over 2 weeks (they have to mail it off to get re-sized apparently, at the store he chose) ... maybe when it comes back in my size I'll like it better?  

Argh, maybe this was just a vent.  Anyone else out there not 100% happy with the ring or ring set chosen, and how did you handle it with the FI? 

bakes218

FI and I picked my ring out together just for this reason. As far as telling him you don't love the ring and would want to chip in for a different one...it would probaby crush him. He picked it out on his own and is probably pretty proud of himself.

You could always suggest some sort of a wrap for it maybe but I think you might just need to learn to love the ring and remember he picked it out for you.

FutureMrsMcDaniel

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_just-engaged-proposals_want-different-ring?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:683Discussion:701bd030-04be-4bb6-bea6-aa5357d68ee4Post:2ef46420-a8c3-454c-a382-610e473a3ae5">What do you do if you want a different ring?</a>:
[QUOTE]So, I know this sounds crazy, but he bought a "bridal set" which has the matching wedding band.  I am not crazy about the ring, and I'm willing to chip in to get something different.  Is it uncouth for me to ask him for a different one?  I mean, I like it a lot, and he picked it out for me, so that has its own sentimental value, but I'm just not crazy about it.   Of course, we had to send it in to get re-sized, so that is sad because I really haven't seen it in over 2 weeks (they have to mail it off to get re-sized apparently, at the store he chose) ... maybe when it comes back in my size I'll like it better?   Argh, maybe this was just a vent.  Anyone else out there not 100% happy with the ring or ring set chosen, and how did you handle it with the FI? 
Posted by kellya01[/QUOTE]

I think you have the right idea towards the end of your post.  Having a ring that actually fits you makes all the difference in how you think it looks.  Get the ring back once it is resized, wear it for a while and see how you like it. 

HobokensFury

Please don't tell him you don't hate it... you'd crush him.  Also telling him you'd "chip in" for another ring makes it sound like you don't like it because the stone is too small or it's not expensive enough.  If that's the case (which I hope it's not) you're being a brat.

kellya01

Sorry for being unclear ladies... I certainly didn't mean to sound like a selfish brat, although I'm sure that's how you read it.  I guess I should tell you about the re-sizing drama, which sparked this whole mental  DOUBT and debate in my head:

He got the ring, I wanted to be surprised, etc, and wanted him to pick it so it would be special.  

Well, he succeeded, had a very memorable proposal, one which we'll probably still laugh about (the taco bell guy hit on me earlier that day when I stopped in for for fast-food for the first time in a month).  He had already talked with my dad, showed my parents the ring, etc.  Did ALL the right things.

Of course, it's the wrong size, I'm not a size 2 girl, and the ring fit my pinky.  I went to a jeweler to get sized so he could take it back where he got it (the place he got it will re-size for free as long as it's no more than 2 sizes, and if above 2 sizes only a small fee for extra metal work).  Good, I'm a ring size  8.5.  Call him with the info, he takes it in, etc.  All seems to be well.

They have to send it to their resizer, who apparently does resizing for a few stores, and I'm not sure how it was mixed up, but they told the ring sizer to make it an 8, not an 8.5.  He KNOWS he told them an 8.5 and I think he still has the paperwork to prove it.  It comes back, and without me knowing that its the wrong size, I happily go to put it on to make sure everything's good.  Well... guess what, the inside of the ring was a little rough and the diamonds were still dirty... they didn't clean it, it scratched my finger, and on top of that it was just a little too tight to be comfortable.

So, I take it to an independent jeweler to get some help.  He says he'll pay to get it sized correctly, just to take it and get it done.  Well, this jewelry store I go to (near work) GOD BLESS THEM sizes it, and if they really push on the mandrel, they MIGHT call it an 8 and 1/4, and that's REALLY tight.  They say basically just take it back since I just got it back from the store and have them re-do it since they didn't do what we asked in the first place.

So, FI takes it in to get re-done.  Store gives him a little grief about it at first, talks about charging ,and like any good FI does, he rehearsed what he was going to say and was just like LOOK: I asked for an 8.5, you only made it an 8, and my fiancee is a little upset.  You need to fix this for free since YOU are the ones who messed up.

The manager agrees to fix it (for free) and we're waiting on it to come back a 2nd time.

On TOP of all of this drama, when he took it the FIRST time to get re-sized, they didn't even CALL him to let him know it had arrived, so it sat in the store OVER A WEEK before he decided to drop by to see if it was ready.  So HE was already a little pissed about that, and of course as impatient as us girls are, it was going on 14 days and I was a little anxious too, but graciously waiting!!

Well, anyway, it's still at the jewelers, they sent it off 1 week ago, and they were supposed to call him on Thurs with an update to make sure that it was being done correctly ,etc.  The store manager said she'd call him on Monday (last week, 10/18) to verify the info.  THEY STILL HAVENT CALLED.  HE HAS HAD TO GO TO THAT STORE EACH TIME HE ACTUALLY WANTED TO COMMUNICATE WITH THEM!

Ugh.  So, anyway, we're BOTH very unhappy with the store.  We've done some looking online, and we can return it with "customer dissatisfied" and it won't be a problem, so we could find another ring at a DIFFERENT store with hopefully better customer service.  We looked at a few other diamond type stores, Zales, Gordon's, Kay's, and we are considering going to Diamonds Direct, but after all that looking, we can't really find anything we like better around the price point that he paid, and even if I did chip in some $$ to go for a different one (because he was able to get it on sale, I think) - I'm not sure if we could find one we like at even a higher price point.

I guess I posted the question more to see if anyone else was in a predicament where some situation surrounding the ring made them resent it, but what I'm finding is that I really like the look of the ring, I really like the stones, the band is okay (going to clip off the tab that locks it to the e-ring), it's just the whole scenario surrounding the ring that has me totally disgusted right now.

Long story, sorry for typing so long, but I didn't want you to think I'm completely crazy... although i could be certifiably insane.  This wedding planning stuff may be going to my head!  Must take a break this week... 

kellya01

By the way, we are NEVER going to that jewelry store again.  It was a local one that he had heard from guys and girls at work that it was a good place... we have sincere doubts now... never going there again!  Argh.  At least we learned the lesson the hard way... maybe going with the national chain jewelry stores is better after all.  

kelseyann727

It sounds like a very very frustrating situation.  I would say wear it for a while when you get it sized to your finger and see if you like it.  It really makes a difference!

If you decide you don't want it (which must be hard because he did pick it out himself, keep that in mind) and it seems the FI might be on board with returning it because of customer service (sounds like you two have discussed this?) my only suggestion is to be kind to him when deciding this/ returning it.  Also a good place to look is on Blue Nile- webiste.  My FI bought the ring there and he said he got a great deal and I am in love with the ring.

Honestly, good luck with what you decide...it sounds like resizing hell.

kellya01

Thanks for the nice works, Kelsey!  We talked about it a little while ago and  as you can imagine he was a little taken aback, but we've agreed to wait until the ring comes back in to see how it fits, etc.  I think I may fall in love with the ring (and the fiancee) all over again... just hard when getting the "can I see the ring" question ALL the time and knowing that the answer is DISGUST and DISAPPOINTMENT with the jewelry store. Ah well, thinking positively, I will have a beautiful ring when it's back, and hopefully it will fit!  

HobokensFury

Wait until the ring comes back.  Hopefully you will be pleasenty surprised. If you still have problems I'd find another jewler.

Elle1036

It's completely understandable that your negative experience with the jeweler has spilled over into your perception of the ring itself.  Wear it for a couple of days when it comes back in the right size, and see if your feelings change.  If they don't, I think you should tell your FI the truth -- that you love the ring he gave you, but the frustrating experience has ruined it for you and you would hate to start off your engagement that way.  Ask him for his input, so it's not just "I want a new ring!".  Ask him if he still loves it as much.  He may be having the same feelings you are.

wintek10

You said you liked your ring... Maybe you could find a new jeweler, but find a ring that looks almost exactly as yours does? Or let FI pick it out himself (again)? That way it might still have the sentimental value, with better customer service. 

whitma87

sizing realistically only should take half an hour-hour if you goto a very reputable place. alot of other jewelers like zales and littmans take around 5 days, tops. I can't believe your going through this stuff. this is crazy. it shouldnt take a month to get a ring sized.

kate5all

Hi Kelly,

Congratulations on your engagement! I couldn't believe your story about the resizing fiasco--that is not acceptable!

Some of the other posters have suggested that you wear your resized ring for a few days to see if you like it any better, and I agree that it's a good idea. If you're not completely happy with it, though, I think you could probably frame it to your FI in terms of customer service. Most jewelers provide free cleaning and repairs for your ring (for forever, I think), and I'm sure that you wouldn't want to deal with this place every time it needs maintanance. You could suggest that you return the ring and find a similar one at a better store. Then, you and he can browse their selection together.

As far as cost, you can always aim for a ring in the same price range. If you both fall in love with something slightly more expensive, offer to chip in, saying that better customer service is worth it. If you're tactful and considerate (which you seem to be), he shouldn't be hurt by it. Just remind him that he did a great job of picking out the ring--despite the incompetant staff helping him make the selection. I don't think it's that big of deal to help finance your ring, and I certainly don't think that you're in the wrong for wanting to love the one piece of jewelry you'll wear for the rest of your life. Good luck!

kate5all

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_just-engaged-proposals_want-different-ring?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:683Discussion:701bd030-04be-4bb6-bea6-aa5357d68ee4Post:2e88019b-6126-4129-a84f-46b84d376264">Re: What do you do if you want a different ring?</a>:
[QUOTE]I can kind of relate to your story and going through my own "ring drama" at the moment. I'll try and make a long story short! My FI proposed and I had nothing to do with picking out the ring - we never even looked at rings together and I love it. After the proposal, we took it to the jeweler to get sized and like yours they send it out which takes about two weeks (Kays). It comes back and after I have been wearing it for a couple of days I notice that the center diamond (it is a 3 stone in a crown setting) sits a little off center in the setting from the profile. (not sure if this was the way it was before I sent it to get resized or not). So, I take it to Kays to show them and let them know and see what my options are. It really is not noticable unless you hold the ring up and look at it, but I am very obsessive about these things and it was constantly on my mind - something that costs so much should be perfect. Anyways, I go and they say that they are willing to send it out to see if it can be reset so it is more centered, but she thinks it is the actual cut of the diamond which makes it sit that way so more than likely it will come back the same. They gave me the option of taking the same ring that was in the store for sale in exchange, they would send that one out to get sized. I look at that one and it looks perfectly centered, so I say, ok lets do that. Then suddenly I'm like "wait, I need to think about this" because it dawned on me I would have the same ring, but not THE ring that FI proposed to me with. I had to think about it for a couple of days. I tried talking myself into just exchanging it for the ring in the store, but every time I thought about not having the exact ring FI proposed to me with I began to cry. So, I take it in and tell them I decided to keep my ring but would like them to send it out to at least try and fix it. Today as a matter of fact, they call and say it is in, but that it looks the same and that the jeweler sent a note saying that it is the diamond itself which makes it a bit crooked in the setting. SO, I am back at square one - I can still exchange it for the other one. I am at odds with myself about this because I feel like I would be sad knowing that I don't have the ring that my FI proposed to me with, but this ring is going to hopefully be around forever, passed down, and it should be perfect. They allowed me to take my ring today and they sent out the other one to be sized. When it comes in, I can take that one for up to a week and they will keep my ring at the store. That way I can decide which one I want. WHAT WOULD YOU GUYS DO? Is it more important for the ring to be right or for it to be the original ring? Oh, sorry to blab on and on!
Posted by fortunatefool[/QUOTE]

Personally, I don't think perfection is THAT crucial, especially if you can't see the crookedness without close inspection. If you're planning on growing this baby into an heirloom, it could make it more special/unique for your family.

Sentimental value always gets my vote.

SeaTea02

Where in NC are you?

Feel free to PM me if you don't want it all over the boards.

You said Diamonds Direct so are you near Charlotte, Raleigh, or Greenville?

I am in the RTP area and I suggest Jareds or Baileys. Diamonds Direct is kind of snootish, but they do have good prices. They are going to be JUST like the store you are at now with sending stuff out. I love love love Jared. They do their work in house. I have had the same ring resized twice (because i keep switching which finger I want it on) and with my $53 extended warranty it is free, every single time. It also takes about 24 hours for them to resize.