Nervous Fiance

shandabrown1

Hey Guys,
I got engaged in July and it was the happiest time in my life. At the time, my family and I were (and still kind of are) estranged, so it was wonderful to have this beautiful moment happen in my life in the midst of a nightmare. My fiance and I are long distance but thankfully he is not too far (3 hours away). He is a few years younger, but that did not bother us until his mother brought it up. So he has to hide me in a sense to please her right now because he is financially dependent on her, but thank God he graduates this December. This is his last week of classes and he has finals coming up and we haven't had the same types of conversations like we had in the summer, but he did have more time on his hands because of summer school. I have texted and asked him if everything is okay and if I am still his fiance because he also took his relationship status off of facebook to please mom. I love him with all of my heart and when we do talk he says he loves me back but the drama from the summer with my family and his mom has left me on pins and needles and I don't like feeling this way. Any advice would be greatly appreciated.

purplepeopleeater11

It sounds like your FI needs to step up and be a man about it.  If he loves you and he wants to be with you he shouldn't "hide you" from anyone.  That is a HUGE RED FLAG in my opinion.  What happens if you have kids?  Does he have to hide you from his mother while he scurries the kids off to grandma's house? 

I don't think stress is an excuse for that kind of crap.  Since I don't know him or your relationship I'm not going to speculate on why he isn't having those kinds of conversations but if you're nervous maybe you should ask him instead of torturing yourself. 

future-mrs

Sounds like you need to have a serious talk with your FI to find out exactly what is going on.  It may be nothing, but it may be something.  Only you can find that out.

SeaTea02

Sweets, there is something seriously wrong with this. He will always be like this in regards to his mommy. Further, him graduating will not automatically make him financially independent. He has to find a job and save to have a place of his own.

I agree with Purple HUGE RED FLAG

You have to ASK if you are still his fiancee because of his mom and his fb status?? If you have to ask are you really on the same page?

mellimel19

As a PP poster said, your FI needs to man up when it comes to his mother. I don't mean this to sound rude, but if he can't even stand up for his relationship to his mother, he is not ready to take on the responsibility of marriage. What does his being financially dependent on her have to do with your being engaged? Did she say she would not help him out financially if you two are in a relationship or engaged?

redheadfsu

Huge red flag. Please talk to your FI asap. Sounds like he is either too immature for marriage or he is slowly backing out of the engagement. Either way I would advise serious counseling before you starting planning anything. GL

shandabrown1

As hard as it is to accept, you all a right. I am definitely taking heed to your advice and am in the process of guarding my heart and my emotions from this situation. Unfortunately, I didn't find all of this out until after my heart was in it, so that makes it a little harder, but I'm a big girl and I will make it through this. Thank you all and I wish you all much peace and happiness in your relationships/marriages.

HobokensFury

Sorry to say but I agree with PP.  This isn't normal.  Sounds like he has a lot of growing up to do.  Please do not marry this guy until all his mommy issues are worked out.  I hate to say it but is it possible that he's not ready to be married but asked you to make you happy?