Just Engaged and Proposals

The Proposal Nightmare..

Alright ladies, before going into what I call the worst proposal ever, I will give you a little background info.  My fiance' is 25 and I am 24.  We have been together for a little over five years now, and have lived together for four of those years.  Since our first year together, we have openly talked about getting married and having a family together; this is something that we knew would happen eventually, once we were out of college and financially stable.  Fast forward a few years, we are now both out of college, I have a full-time job and Joshua has two part-time jobs as he is looking for better employment..

Now onto the proposal..  The few weeks prior to the proposal, Joshua had been talking a lot about getting engaged, so I had a feeling it was coming soon.  The past few months we also had been looking at purchasing our first home, and two weeks ago we found it!  The day we put an offer in on the house, we got in a bit of an argument later in the afternoon, of course over nothing important.  I was crying a bit, and he goes "hold on, I will be right back."  Five minutes later he comes down and says, "I just can't wait any longer, will you marry me?"  I still had UNHAPPY tear stains on my face when he asked me!  I love my fiance' with all of my heart, and undoubtedly know I want to spend the rest of my life with him; however, I wish he could completely redo the proposal.. So many people have asked how he proposed, and I don't even have a story to tell them! 

I know this sounds so superficial, when a proposal is just a small piece of what marriage is about.. Have any of you experienced similar situations??
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Re: The Proposal Nightmare..

  • Be happy.

    The secret of happiness is to be.

    Your FI wanted you happy and was upset by seeing you sad.  He proposed.  You will marry the love of your life.  You win.

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  • My proposal was far from the picture-perfect fairy tale proposals that you see in the movies.

    Did it matter to me that I flat out knew it was coming, down to the date, because FI can't keep a secret to save his own life? No. Did it matter that there was no champage or rose petals or tuxedos? No. Did it matter that the dog licked him in the mouth mid-proposal? No (in fact, that partially sealed the deal). What mattered to me is that the man I want to build a life with, to build a family with, wants to do the same with me. He could have proposed to me in a sewage processing plant in a paper bag with a Ziptie ring, it still would have meant just as much that he asked, plain and simple.

    A proposal is one moment in your life. It's one moment in what should be a lifetime of relationship. Frankly, it doesn't matter the words that were said, the location they were said in, or the adornment that did or did not accompany them. What matters is that the man you love wants to spend the rest of his life with you, build a family with you, share his life with you. Relish in that knowledge, enjoy your engagement and enjoy the process of building a healthy, stable, happy marriage. Because that is truly what matters most.

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  • He proposed even though you guys had just been arguing, because he "couldn't wait".  What more can you ask for from someone you want to spend your life with?  Sounds like he is very thoughtful and cares about you.  Don't let some TV/movie inspired fantasy about what a proposal is "supposed" to be like make you feel shortchanged.  The "perfect" proposal would mean nothing if it was from a man who didn't love and care about you and divorced you in two years.
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  • Guys are hilarious that way.

    My FI proposed on a day I had been in class for 8 hours straight (I was exhausted) and I still had to write an 8-10 page paper for the next day (which he knew about).

    Do I wish he proposed on a day that I wasn't exhausted and incredibly busy? Maybe, but it didn't matter that I was exhausted or busy because on that day FI asked me to spend forever with him and isn't that what really matters?
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  • A proposal is just someone asking you to marry them. Forget all of the movie stuff. You are going to be marrying the love of your life. Let it go.


    You were sad/mad about something not important (you said it) & he wanted to make you happy. That seems sweet.

    If you ask him to redo, neither of you will be happy. He will be hurt & the new proposal will feel fake, well because it is.


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  • Listen to oceana for she is wise.....and right. I know that is was not exactly what you had pictured for your proposal but life rarely turns out the way we pictured it would. Just be happy that you are engaged and enjoy your engagement. If people ask how you how he did it tell them that you were really sad and in a bad mood and he was so excited that he couldn't wait any longer and knew that this would cheer you up and it did.
  • I find the more proposals I hear of and read aren't always that "fairytale" proposal.  Ours wasn't either.  But it was still the happiest moment in my life thus far.  Look at the bigger picture, you're marrying the man you wanna spend the rest of your life with.  The proposal may seem like a big deal now, but years down the road, you two will laugh about it.  :)

    Congrats!
  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_just-engaged-proposals_proposal-nightmare?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:683Discussion:a575a305-d56d-4aff-bb07-2aef7b557bd2Post:b9853c1e-8292-4dd2-ab7b-f2631c49689f">Re: The Proposal Nightmare..</a>:
    [QUOTE]Be happy. The secret of happiness is to be. Your FI wanted you happy and was upset by seeing you sad.  He proposed.  You will marry the love of your life.  You win.
    Posted by Wrkn925[/QUOTE]

    This exactly!  Your story is cute in its own way:  you were having an argument, your FI hated to see you upset, and wanted to make you happy.  Ta-da, happiness!

    Men are weird though...
  • I wish he could completely redo the proposal.. So many people have asked how he proposed, and I don't even have a story to tell them! 
    did you watch teen mom? this reminds me of teen mom.....
  • Its ok :) So you didn't get the proposal of your dreams. So what? You get to spend the rest of your life with the man of your dreams. :) Like someone else said, the proposal is just one moment out of your life. Some of these over-the-top proposals aren't all that they're cracked up to be. My DF's best friend proposed to his wife in the middle of an argument, by tossing the ring box at her. Surprised How romantic right? The kicker was he was planning on proposing to her in Hawaii! lol. It just goes to show you that the proposal isn't the main focus. Cheer up, you will feel better about it in time. :) 
  • edited November 2010
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_just-engaged-proposals_proposal-nightmare?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:683Discussion:a575a305-d56d-4aff-bb07-2aef7b557bd2Post:ee284b76-a279-4042-accf-475064875512">The Proposal Nightmare..</a>:
    [QUOTE]So many people have asked how he proposed, and I don't even have a story to tell them!

    I know this sounds so superficial, when a proposal is just a small piece of what marriage is about.. Have any of you experienced similar situations??
    Posted by adelario[/QUOTE]

    <strong><font color="#000080">What are you talking about? You DO have a story behind your proposal. It's not the "fairytale" one that people seem to think it should be. However, I think in time you'll come to realize it is a great story. When I'm upset and my FI has something he's planning to surprise me with, he usually spills his surprise because he can't bare for me to be upset.

    Also, I don't have a proposal story at all. FI and I decided it was time we thought about getting married, and went ring shopping. My ring should be ready to be picked up this weekend. Who knows.... maybe he just might surprise me with something when we pick it up.... but at this point, if someone asks me about the proposal, I don't have much to say other than we came to a mutual agreement to marry, and we went ring shopping.

    </font></strong>
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  • Meg, although your comparisons just gave me nightmarish flashbacks, I love the point you just made.
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  • Honestly, no one has a "perfect proposal".  I had a very romantic proposal, on a sailboat ride around Boothbay Harbor, Maine at sunset.  He made a beautiful speech, got down on one knee, etc.  But when FI opened up the ring box, the ring had fallen over.  We both chuckled.  Also, my not being able to shut up nearly made FI miss his opportunity.

    Nothing is ever perfect.  My proposal wasn't out of a storybook.  It was romantic and special, but not perfect.  It was still the happiest moment of my life.

    Learn to appreciate the thought.  If you hadn't learned already, Disney gives children unrealistic expectations about just about everything.
  • I had a great proposal... I just wished I would have been dressed nicer cause we met up with freinds and family after LOL. I just figured we were going to our fav sushi place so I had on jeans a tshirt and flip flops. Should have known when he was the one actually dressed nice
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  • I love your story.  It reminds me of a Gilmore Girl's episode where Lorelai's parents were reminiscing about when he popped the question.  They were arguing and Richard pulled out a box and gave it to Emily.  Emily opened it, snapped it shut with no emotion and said, "Fine."

    I was very close to getting my ring tossed at me at Cleveland's airport because DH was so paranoid about being responsible for the ring a second longer than necessary.  That's the first part I tell before ending with he asked me to marry him at the wine bar where we met and that's the part that gets the best reaction.
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  • My husband never proposed.  We picked a date and started planning,.  We bought my "engagement" ring after our invitations had already gone out for the wedding, less than 2 months beforehand!  I have no story, either, but we were every bit as engaged and blissfully happy as someone with an elaborate story,

    Congrats on your engagement, and look past this to your life together.
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  • This isn't my "proposal nightmare" but I thought about what you said about a redo and it reminded me of my sister's friend from college.

    She was living with her then boyfriend.  She woke up early one weekend to clean the house.  She was in sweats, hadn't showered yet, and I'm pretty sure when she told the story, she hadn't brushed her teeth yet either.  He gets down on one knee, opens the ring box, just about to purpose and she stops him.  Yells at him because he decides to do that now when she is looking like that.  So she tells him to leave the house, to give her two hours then he is allowed to come back.

    She uses the two hours to do her nails, shower, brush her teeth and get dressed in a nice outfit.  He comes home, and does a redo.  She said yes and they did eventually get married. 

    I hated this story.  In my opinion, I think the being a mess and THAT'S when he decided to do it is so much better than when she wanted him to do it.  It's a funny story.  I hate the same old romantic story.  If she would have said yes when he asked the first time it would have been a funny memorable story.  Not a kinda bitchy one. 

    A quick side note, two years after they got married, they got divorced.  So skip the redo thoughts and move foward.

    GL on the wedding planning!
    "Do I look like a killer to you?" "Yes, you kill my patience." -Castle
  • My fiance never really proposed to me either, I was looking for a claddagh ring and while we were at the jewelry store an employee came to up to us and asked if we were looking for an engagement ring and FI said yes...I was shocked and at first I was like really?!  you did it THAT way, but now I'm like, I love you, your my one and only and I really don't care how you did it, just that you are committed to me :0)
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  • JerseyML - love the sig quote!  (He really IS ruggedly handsome!)

    Also, my proposal was similar to the one you told except I didn't send him away.  We were watching TV on a Saturday afternoon - I was literally in my jammies on the couch.  He brought the ring out and proposed right there by the couch.  I had bedhead, the whole thing.  Wouldn't trade it for the world!
    Anniversary
  • I didn't really get the fairytale proposal either...I had just worked an 11 hour day doing inventory and was freaking out about being covered in fiberglass and the dog inhaling it when I got home...I had called ahead and told him to lock the dog up so that I could run right to the shower to get it off my skin and protect the dog and that I was tired and miserable and didn't want to go to our friend's house for the get together they had planned earlier that day...when I got home he took me outside right away onto our deck got on one knee and just simply asked me to marry him...no big speach no mushy declaraion of love...while I was crying and had my hands on my face in shock which didn't allow him to put the ring on he assumed that I didn't like the ring and proceeded to ensure me we could go exchange the ring instead of going to the part because he was convinced I didn't like it! 

    It's weird...that wasn't what I thought my dream proposal was...but it turns out it really was my dream proposal, becuase that is what the man that I want to spend he rest of my life with did when he proposed...and in time I think you will feel the same way.  Good luck with your planning. :)
  • I like when a guy is so overcome with emotion he can't wait. I believe the British Prime Minister (or someone fancy like that) proposed to his wife while she was scrubbing the toilet.

    Just shine your story up a bit for public. You had been talking about it for a long time and then one day you were having a bad day and were sad and in that moment he didn't want to wait any longer, ran off and got the ring to cheer you up. Ta-da!
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  • Aw, I know how you feel, hon!  My fiance and I have been together for 7 and 1/2 years.  I had been waiting and wishing for a ring for years.  What I was picturing in my head was a spectacular romantic moment in which he professed his undying love for me.  Yeah that didn't happen.  It was the weekend of my birthday and we were at his father's cabin up at Lake Winnipesaukee.  He had figured he had 4 different scenarios/chances to do it.  On Saturday he asked me to go hiking.  We had hiked Mt. Major last year on my 30th bday, but by the time we were almost back down the mountain, my ankles were ready to snap in half. No way was I doing that again. My birthday was Monday and we were heading home that day and were going to go to my favorite fair that runs through my birthday and I attend every year.  He had originally thought he would take me to dinner at the restaurant he took me to for my birthday the first year we were together and do it there.  Then when he found out we were going to the fair, he figured he would do it at the top of the ferris wheel, which would have been choice #1 for me.  Well that's no what happened.  He ended up going with option #4.  We found out it might rain on my bday, so we wouldn't have been able to go to the fair, so if he didn't do option 4 then he would have been proposing to me in our living room, which I definitely would not have been pleased with.  On Sunday night he asked if I wanted to go for a walk.  This was most likely going to be our last night in the park until next spring so he said he wanted to walk all around the park and out to the Pier too.  Before we left he grabbed his backpack and went downstairs for a minute.  The thought of "I wonder if there's a ring in that bag...?" popped into my head.  When we got out to the Pier we sat down and talked for a while, but it was really windy and after a few minutes he hadn't popped the question, so I said "Let's go, I'm cold".  And he said "well do you want your birthday present?" anxiously.  "But it's not my birthday yet," I replied.  "well so what, here" and he handed me a card.  Again I thought "Is this it?" As I was opening the card he reached in his pocket, again I thought "Oh oh oh!" When I got the card open he got down on one knee and the card read "Will You Marry Me?" He was still kneeling, so I grabbed his head and hugged him tight, gave him a big kiss and told him I loved him.  Then I realized I hadn't answered yet, so I said "Maybe, haha.  Of course, yes I will marry you!"  Then he gave me the box which was still in a white cardboard box.  He didn't do the classic movie opening of the box, he didn't put the ring on my finger, and he didn't profess his undying love to me.  But none of that mattered.  He loved me and he was going to marry me, and the proposal was perfect!  Plus he was nervous, so I had to give him a little credit!

    My point is, it doesn't matter how it happened.  Just that it did.  Your story is a funny one. "we got into a fight and he whipped out the ring to make me feel better!" is all you have to say.

    The story my parents always told me of their engagement wasn't all peaches and roses either!  They were fighting and my mom was mad at my dad, and he just said "well fine, will you marry me?" and my mother said "No!"  My dad had to say "No really, I have the ring at home!"  They are still married to this day after 38 years!

    I can understand why you are kinda bummed about it.  I thought I was going to feel that way about mine, but I don't.  I loved it and it was just as perfect as the top of the ferris wheel at the Topsfield Fair.  
  • I understand how you feel! BF and I are not engaged yet, but we live together and have planned to get married since we first started dating, and I am sure beyond a shadow of a doubt that my proposal will end up in some way botched like many of the ones described here!  Plus, it runs in my family. When my dad proposed to my mom, the box was empty. He thought it was hilarious, but she got so mad she threw the box back at him. My little sister just got engaged this summer, and hers certianly did not go how dear FI planned. He and I went ring shopping together and picked out the perfect ring. My family goes to Maine every summer and we were days away from leaving for this vacation, and his plan was to walk the breakwater that we grew up loving and propose next to the lighthouse. Well, we got to Maine and my sister, in true vacation spirit, took off and wanted to wander the beach and visit other people. Her soon to be FI was upset, nervous about proposing, and hated that she wasn't sticking close to him. "How can I propose when she won't even hang out with me!" were his exact words. They got in a fight, and she said to him, "Honey you are not usually like this, I think something is on your mind and you should figure out what it is." He gave me a sideways glance at this point and I had to try so hard not to laugh. Then they decided to kayak out to the breakwater (instead of walk) and then it started raining, and since he had asked my dad's permission right before jumping into the kayak, my entire family was at my parents house on the porch watching them with binoculars. He sees that everyone is there, and still hasnt proposed yet, so he asks her to row over to a little stretch of beach. She asks him if he is crazy because she is soaking wet and wants to go home. Finally he pulled up next to her in the kayak, whipped the ring out and said, "Well, this was NOT my plan, but will you marry me?" She was so overjoyed she nearly pitched the ring into the water. 

    Growing up I always hoped for the prefect proposal, but at this point in my life I hope I get the REAL one - they are so much more interesting!!!
  • megk8ozmegk8oz member
    2500 Comments
    edited November 2010
    My mom has been married twice, and she's never had a "real" proposal.

    At the end of their first date, my bio-dad walked my mom to her front door and said "You know, I think you're the girl I'm supposed to marry". And she laughed at him and told him "You promised you'd leave me alone if I agreed to one date". After a couple of years of dating, they just bought a ring and started planning a wedding.

    My step-dad was not aware of this story when he took my mom out for their first date. They were eating dinner, and he said "I think I'm going to marry you someday", and again, she kind of laughed at him and said "Oh, that's nice, but you don't really mean that". A few months later, they bought a ring and just planned a wedding.

    So yeah, both times my mom didn't get a "real" proposal. While things didn't work out so great with bio-dad, she and my step-dad have been happily married for over 20 years now. She still laughs every time she tells either story.

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  • My FI proposed in bed while we were talking before going to sleep late one random Tuesday night.  He planned to propose on Christmas morning (the ring was going to be in my stocking) but we got snowed in at his parent's house on Christmas Eve and didn't get home for three days.  So he snuck the ring out of my stocking and waited.  He did it on Tuesday Jan. 5th. LOL  He's strange and I love him for it!  It may not be a romantic fairytale proposal but it was special to us.  Also, it snowed that night so we were snowed in together the next day so we got to celebrate our engagement with a snow day together at home.  PERFECT for us.
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  • In 20 years-you will laugh...If not sooner-a friend of mine got proposed to during a fight too and it was because her fiance was like if I dont propose now I bought a ring for nothing!

    Trust me-the fiance had it all planned out...except for if she was to randomly check the bank account one day even though it is not her style to check it!
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  • Look at it from the guy's perspective, he's just so anxious and excited and can't wait to ask you, I think that's pretty cute. One of my friends has this whole complicated proposal planned out, he had ordered the ring and was putting together this scrapbook of their relationship but didn't have time to finish it before the ring came in, once it did it was just burning a hole in his pocket and he couldn't wait anymore.
  • If you really think about it, your story is a sweet one!  Buying a house can be stressful.  FI and I had a couple fights during our home-buying process.  The fact that he wanted to rectify the situation rather than to continue butting heads means that he cares about you and doesn't want to be the one to make you cry.  You will definitely laugh about this later.  You will most likely look back at the reason you were arguing as a silly one anyways (happens to me all the time).
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  • Look, your proposal not being a great big romantic fairy tale moment is not that big of a deal.  There are plenty of people who have the romantic fairy tale proposal and end up getting divorced soon after getting married.

    It's what you do after the proposal that matters and what you do after you get married.  That's where the real work is, not in the stuff that is made up by Hollywood producers.
  • . Also, I don't have a proposal story at all. FI and I decided it was time we thought about getting married, and went ring shopping. My ring should be ready to be picked up this weekend. Who knows.... maybe he just might surprise me with something when we pick it up.... but at this point, if someone asks me about the proposal, I don't have much to say other than we came to a mutual agreement to marry, and we went ring shopping.


    Same here.  I even bought my dress, befoe I had a ring.
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