ENGAGED, PREGNANT AND OVERWHELMED!!!

crazys_little_sis

So my fiance and I just got engaged April 2012. I am so very excited but here is the thing, we also just found out mothers day that I'm pregnant!!! Very exciting since we weren't sure that I would be able to concieve at all. I'm kind of stressing out about what we should do now. We live in Michigan, where most of his family is from, my family are mostly on the west coast (seattle, california) We were initiall talking about having the wedding in May 2013 in Michigan. A year long engagement would give my family enough time to save up and plan if they would be attending. Esspecially, my father, bother and his family. However,  now that we are expecting I'm freaking out about how to make this all work.  When our date should be? Should plan after the baby or before? What should we do? WHAT A OVERWHELMING MIRACLE... HAHA. HELP!

Psych819

I say have a justice of the peace wedding before the baby is born. After the birth, have the big  wedding day you want. Congratulations and all the best luck with the pregnancy and your marriage. 

meg65

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_just-engaged-proposals_engaged-pregnant-and-overwhelmed?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:683Discussion:b27ac5fa-7977-4b30-8e66-b0658efc864fPost:b5ca9078-ffbd-4e3d-952e-77a6c8f4c24f">Re: ENGAGED, PREGNANT AND OVERWHELMED!!!</a>:
[QUOTE]I say have a justice of the peace wedding before the baby is born. After the birth, have the big  wedding day you want. Congratulations and all the best luck with the pregnancy and your marriage. 
Posted by Psych819[/QUOTE]

<div>Nope. Can't have a wedding after you're already married.</div>

crazys_little_sis

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_just-engaged-proposals_engaged-pregnant-and-overwhelmed?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:683Discussion:b27ac5fa-7977-4b30-8e66-b0658efc864fPost:b5ca9078-ffbd-4e3d-952e-77a6c8f4c24f">Re: ENGAGED, PREGNANT AND OVERWHELMED!!!</a>:
[QUOTE]I say have a justice of the peace wedding before the baby is born. After the birth, have the big  wedding day you want. Congratulations and all the best luck with the pregnancy and your marriage. 
Posted by Psych819[/QUOTE]

Though that does seems to be becoming more common, I really feel that having a "wedding" after your married is a bit frivoulous. Not to mention I know most of my bridal party would refuse to take part in anything but the real ceremony. I would have to agree. Not the right choice for us but thank you for your suggestion.

We had discussed the idea of eloping (with a very small ceremony up north some where; very private-no more than 20 ppl) and having the reception on our first anniversary so both families would be able to attend but if we have a ceremony big or small I would prefer that my father and brother be able to attend (which isn't in my brothers budget this year :( )

I guess somethings gotta give, just not really sure at this point what is more important to us.

id012

If I were you.. I would wait. When are you do?  Febuary? Are you set on a may wedding? I would push the wedding back until at least August, maybe september? October is a great time to get married too. I have a baby (well he is 1 now) and I really really did not want to get married while I was pregnant. I didnt want to celebrate all these great things in my life all at once you know. So you have nine month before the baby is born. That will give you PLENTY of time to get orginize, book venue, photographer etc. Then you have baby (congradulations! its so exciting and scary at the same time, but so wonderful, so so so wonderful.) And hopefully you can sleep for 10 mins from the time you have the baby until the wedding lol.

Anyway, while you are pregnant i would try to do as much as you can for the wedding. Then you will have time to really enjoy the baby and not stress about wedding stuff. I would wait probably at least 6 week- 2 months after you have the baby to buy a dress. But nothing says you cant start looking at them to see what you like. You body is just going to be really different after you have a baby.

I think that would be a good time to get ajusted to life with a baby, and finish up odds and ends of the wedding. That way you can enjoy both.

Anyway, good luck, congradulations! Being a mommy is the best club to be in!

id012

If I were you.. I would wait. When are you do?  Febuary? Are you set on a may wedding? I would push the wedding back until at least August, maybe september? October is a great time to get married too. I have a baby (well he is 1 now) and I really really did not want to get married while I was pregnant. I didnt want to celebrate all these great things in my life all at once you know. So you have nine month before the baby is born. That will give you PLENTY of time to get orginize, book venue, photographer etc. Then you have baby (congradulations! its so exciting and scary at the same time, but so wonderful, so so so wonderful.) And hopefully you can sleep for 10 mins from the time you have the baby until the wedding lol.

Anyway, while you are pregnant i would try to do as much as you can for the wedding. Then you will have time to really enjoy the baby and not stress about wedding stuff. I would wait probably at least 6 week- 2 months after you have the baby to buy a dress. But nothing says you cant start looking at them to see what you like. You body is just going to be really different after you have a baby.

I think that would be a good time to get ajusted to life with a baby, and finish up odds and ends of the wedding. That way you can enjoy both.

Anyway, good luck, congradulations! Being a mommy is the best club to be in!

UKgal321

Congrats on the baby and the engagment!  I would wait until after the baby is born to get married.  It sounds like your baby will be due Jan or Feb so why not have the wedding in June?  If you plan on breast feeding you can lose the baby weight fairly fast.  Go ahead and get most of the planning done before baby gets here.  Good luck and get sleep while you can!

crazys_little_sis

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_just-engaged-proposals_engaged-pregnant-and-overwhelmed?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:683Discussion:b27ac5fa-7977-4b30-8e66-b0658efc864fPost:fccf6bef-0056-4500-b925-17d6017e5c83">Re: ENGAGED, PREGNANT AND OVERWHELMED!!!</a>:
[QUOTE]If I were you.. I would wait. When are you do?  Febuary? Are you set on a may wedding? I would push the wedding back until at least August, maybe september? October is a great time to get married too. I have a baby (well he is 1 now) and I really really did not want to get married while I was pregnant. I didnt want to celebrate all these great things in my life all at once you know. So you have nine month before the baby is born. That will give you PLENTY of time to get orginize, book venue, photographer etc. Then you have baby (congradulations! its so exciting and scary at the same time, but so wonderful, so so so wonderful.) And hopefully you can sleep for 10 mins from the time you have the baby until the wedding lol. Anyway, while you are pregnant i would try to do as much as you can for the wedding. Then you will have time to really enjoy the baby and not stress about wedding stuff. I would wait probably at least 6 week- 2 months after you have the baby to buy a dress. But nothing says you cant start looking at them to see what you like. You body is just going to be really different after you have a baby. I think that would be a good time to get ajusted to life with a baby, and finish up odds and ends of the wedding. That way you can enjoy both. Anyway, good luck, congradulations! Being a mommy is the best club to be in!
Posted by id012[/QUOTE]

That's probably the best idea I've heard yet! Thank you id012! That would give my family a lot more time to get themselves together. Would give us a lot more time to budget and plan for everything (wedding and baby). Your right the baby is due the end of Jan (though we are hoping for a late delivery since Feb 6th is my hubby to be's birthday) Now, I just have to convince my loving doting fiance that its ok if the baby is born out of wed loch... the biggest concern is that because I'm an independant sale contractor I don't have medical insurance coverage so if we married sooner rather than later I would then qualify to be on his insurnace for the pregnancy. I'm very excited to part of the mommy club. I was heart broken when our doctor told me a may not be able to carry to term. (that is still a risk) 

julib33

Congrats on the baby and the engagement!!
I agree with PPs, I would wait. Your aby will still love you whether you were married when he/she was born or not My fiance was concieved before his parents were married (they are VERY religious so it was a pretty big issue) and he has no qualms about it, lol.
Try to enjoy it all and not stress too much!

Annas2013

Congratulations on both big events!  That's really exciting.  Like id said, wait and have the wedding later.  That way you can save up and still have the wedding of your dreams and not have to sacrifice that in order to get married before the baby comes.  There is nothing wrong with your baby being born before you're married.  Plus you get to not be pregnant and trying to find a dress at the same time.  I can only imagine how frustrating that could be.  Don't stress out about everything.  Waiting gives you time to focus on the baby right now and then the wedding.  I wish you luck with everything!

id012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_just-engaged-proposals_engaged-pregnant-and-overwhelmed?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:683Discussion:b27ac5fa-7977-4b30-8e66-b0658efc864fPost:2530ea33-4301-46b1-8d8f-5a2f2a654b59">Re: ENGAGED, PREGNANT AND OVERWHELMED!!!</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: ENGAGED, PREGNANT AND OVERWHELMED!!! : That's probably the best idea I've heard yet! Thank you id012! That would give my family a lot more time to get themselves together. Would give us a lot more time to budget and plan for everything (wedding and baby). Your right the baby is due the end of Jan (though we are hoping for a late delivery since Feb 6th is my hubby to be's birthday) Now, I just have to convince my loving doting fiance that its ok if the baby is born out of wed loch... the biggest concern is that because I'm an independant sale contractor I don't have medical insurance coverage so if we married sooner rather than later I would then qualify to be on his insurnace for the pregnancy. I'm very excited to part of the mommy club. I was heart broken when our doctor told me a may not be able to carry to term. (that is still a risk) 
Posted by crazys_little_sis[/QUOTE]

<div>I really didnt want to have a baby with out  being married 1st, but life happeneds. Its not a bad thing.. your engaged! You planning to be married. So what if things happen a little out of order.</div><div>I really didnt want to get married while i was pregnant. I wanted to get married for us (fi and I) not because I was pregnant. And I wanted to have the wedding that I wanted to have. </div><div>About the insurance.. i would talk to your doctor about that.. there are probably options for you out there!
Someone said that you will lose all the baby weight if you breastfeed quickly. Take that with a grain of salt. I know maybe 1 out of maybe 15-20 girls that lost the weight while breastfeeding. Most of the time it comes off one you stop. You have to eat wayyyy more when you breastfeed. (but dont let that stop you!! Every single body is different! you never know how yours will be intill your in it!)</div><div>Good luck with the high risk! I hope you can deliever full term. LO was 3 weeks early due to pre - e. But all is well hes a perfectly healthy little boy!</div><div>Good luck! Dont stress!! Everything will work out perfectly!</div>

librababy

Wait until after the birth.  I'd do the wedding 6 months after. That gives you a year and 3 months of planning, which means more time to plan and a longer engagement means more money saved (on your part aas well as your family's part).  Also, you can use your maternity leave to settle all those final wedding details.  But you can start booking the bigger vendors now.  Congrats!

RWS2011

Congratulations on your engagement and your pregnancy.

A little different opinion here, if you are at all concerned about pregnancy related problems, I would NOT plan a wedding while you are pregnant.  It can be very stressful, which is bad for you and your baby.  If it is important to you to have all of your family attend your wedding ceremony, I would wait until after the baby is born to PLAN the wedding.  This might mean waiting 1 year after your baby is born.  This would allow you to focus on all of the scary, marvelous changes happening as your baby grows, and to focus on your child when he or she arrives.  Then, after your baby starts sleeping through the night (around 3 months), you will begin to feel more rested and energized to plan a wedding.  

Venues may book out earlier, so maybe you have a list of three things you want to do at the one year mark before the wedding, but stick to only that and don't let yourself get to stressed about things.  These are both very big life events, allow yourself time to enjoy each of them.

Best of luck to you!

amyb140

I'm going to be different here and recommend that you get married very, very soon.  The fact that you don't have health insurance is a huge problem.  Do you have any idea how much it costs to have a baby, not to mention good prenatal care?  I'm normally not a fan of getting married just for insurance reasons, but this is for your baby.

Also, are you really going to feel like planning a wedding while you have a newborn?  By that point I doubt you'll be very interested in spending either the time or the money on a big wedding.  

I hate to even say this part, but I'm going to.  You mention that your doctor says you may not be able to carry to term - God forbid that is the case, but if so, a big celebration may be the last thing you want.

Anyway, I think people make too big of a deal out of long engagements.  I was married four months after getting engaged and had a gorgeous wedding in downtown Chicago with everyone I wanted there.  You can do this!  Wedding planning is only as stressful as you let it be.

Congratulations on both of these big changes in your life.  I think you'll be happier if you go ahead and get married, then you and your husband can focus on preparing for the LO!

RWS2011

Ah!  I missed the post where you said you didn't have health insurance.  In that case, i would agree with the last few posters.  If you can't afford your own policy, it would be better to get married sooner so that you can get proper care along the way.  

wholaver1

I was in a very similar situation to you. We got engaged and chose to get married last May (we have been together for over 9 years now). We got married for insurance and school reasons and we did it with just the two of us and a friend who was a notary. We then began planning our wedding for this September. Our friends and family all know that we are already married, however, not a single one of them has said that they won't come to the wedding or are annoyed about spending the money since we are already married. I think if your friends and family really want what is best for you and your FI they would respect and support your choices! I would definitely say we are not your traditional couple and realize that it's more about what is best for us and what works best for us than to please everyone else's ideas of what is okay and what is "normal".

I then found out last October that I was pregnant and I am now due in 6 weeks. I am going to have about 12 weeks between the baby being born and our wedding and it has definitely been stressful planning for baby and wedding at the same time. I really focused on making sure everything was ready for the baby and once we were all set there then I changed my focus to the wedding. I think you really just have to decide what is most important to you and go with it.

Urchin9

I'm not familiar with the insurance situation (im in Canada) but I will take a moment and share my experience.

My fiance and I originally planned to get married in Sept of 2011. We were going to start TTC about 2-3 months before our wedding...well we got a little ahead of ourselves and I got pregnant 8 months before the wedding.. lol

Needless to say we decided the best plan would be to post-pone the wedding until this June...and I am SO glad that I did. I would have had no problem getting married while big and pregnant, but what we didn't know was that my pregnancy would bring along some health issues which would have more than prevented me from getting married. I was hospitalized and had surgery a number of times! Pregnancy is unpredictable in so many ways...so I wouldnt really want to plan a wedding at the same time.

I did take advantage of my healthy pregnancy moments and made a lot of my DIY things at that point. I also did a little when my LO was 2-3 months old..Oh, and unlike a poster above said, babies don't always start sleeping through the night at 3 months lol. Mine hardly sleeps at all now!

Try to be realistic either way. I know that now that i have a 7 month old, I cannot imagine planning anything more than our simple(ish) wedding that we have now--and I'm on mat leave!

I think my advice would be to either get married REALLY soon or wait at least a year or so.

Either way, good luck! I hope you have a healthy pregnancy & baby!