Just Engaged and Proposals

Are we crazy?

I have been with my love for about 6 months. Right now we have a bi-coastal relationship, because he was offered an amazing transfer with his job from Philadelphia to San Fransisco. We have talked a lot about marriage, (he usually brings it up), and we KNOW that it is going to happen. He asked me 3 months ago to give him pictures of EXACTLY what I want for an engagement ring. He even took me to a few jewelry stores to try rings on, because I had no idea what kind of ring I wanted!

My mother has timeshares in Mexico, and has been planning a vacation for the whole family for November 2011. This would include my Mom, my Son, my soon to be fiance, and my two brothers and their wives. Two months ago, my mom suggested to Len and I that we get married in Mexico next year. We both loved the idea, and are so touched at her generosity. She is on vacation right now, and called me yesterday saying that if we need her to, she can book 5 two bedroom units for the wedding if we are serious about it. I called Len to ask him what he thinks, and he picked the wedding date! He is absolutely thrilled that not only do we get our small beach wedding (something we had agreed on from the first conversation about getting married), we get to do it somewhere beautifully breathtaking, AND (thanks to my mother's generosity) we can invite our closest friends and his family to celebrate with us, and all they have to pay for is airfare and meals. (My mom is covering the lodging with her timeshare).

We have looked into the legalities of marrying out of the country, and have decided to have the legal ceremony with traditional vows here in the US, in Colorado (where my dad and his family live, and some of them are unable to travel due to medical reasons) and then have a spiritual ceremony in Mexico where we will write our own vows.

I am so very excited, as is he, about all of this. My mom is thrilled and all of our family and friends are so excited and supportive. My question is this: I KNOW Len is not going to "officially" propose until he has talked to my father and asked his blessing, and bought me a ring. This will not happen until most likely March (when we are planning to go visit my father together). Are we crazy for making plans for the wedding(s) before I have a ring? I asked Len if he thought this was nuts to be making plans before it's official, and his answer was, "Why would it be crazy? We love each other, we KNOW we are going to spend the rest of our lives together, so what's so crazy about planning the wedding? Your Mom has offered to use her timeshares to give us a dream wedding, and if we want to do it next year, what's the problem?"

Are we crazy? Or are we practical? I have helped 3 friends plan their weddings (I even did all the flowers for the one friend) and I know how stressful and time consuming it can be. Add to that we are planning TWO destination weddings. I don't want to lose any time, but should I hold off making the plans until he has officially popped the question?

Re: Are we crazy?

  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_just-engaged-proposals_crazy?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:683Discussion:cb61f6fd-0477-46f2-9b19-0b1396c8a1cbPost:51eed87c-a8d7-4ee1-9926-777c715671b4">Are we crazy?</a>:
    I know asking the father is pretty much just a motion for a lot of people, but it seems really pointless if you've been talking to your dad and others to figure out schedules for your wedding and then afterwards ask for his blessing. 

    On the other hand, I kinda consider you engaged already, you both decided not only TO get married but WHEN.
    [QUOTE]if we need her to, she can book 5 two bedroom units for the wedding if we are serious about it. I called Len to ask him what he thinks, and he picked the wedding date!
    Posted by puddin7110[/QUOTE]

    So basically it does seem silly not to plan now, but I'm also not really sure why he'd wait so long to pop the question.
  • A ring doesn't have anything to do with being engaged.  The mutual decision to get married to does.  If you have already agreed on this, as it sounds like you have then you are engaged.  Plan away but don't pass off that you aren't engaged that looks BSC.  You are engaged just waiting for him to give you the gift.
    When is my wedding
  • We have discussed the "wedding" with my mom, but we were unaware of my dad's exact health status until recently when I spoke to his mom. We haven't talked to my dad about a "wedding" but he does know we intend to wed. Len told me that he doesn't want to talk specifics about a "wedding" with Dad until he has "the talk" with him. Len is pretty old fashioned in certain ways, so he wants my dad's blessing before we make it "official".

    I guess the reason I am questioning whether or not to plan is because of my previous experiences with so-called enagements. My first fiance did propose with a ring, but when it came time to plan for forever he just wasn't cooperative. He thought that proposing was enough, and that was the end of his role. It ended terribly. My second "fiance" proposed, kind of, and wanted the whole world to know we were engaged. But I never got a ring (which was infuriating because a week before he "proposed" he'd asked my mom and her late husband for THEIR blessing, and my mom gave him my grandmother's wedding rings, which he never gave to me EVEN after he proposed! It took six MONTHS to get them back from him!!!)

    But with both of those relationships something in my gut told me it wasn't going to work. I couldn't imagine myself with EITHER of them in 20, 30, or 40 years. But with Len, I can't imagine my life WITHOUT him in it 50 years from now. I have never felt so secure with a relationship before. He said it best when he told me he felt like we were were engaged the day we met. I feel the same way.

    So I guess we should go ahead and do the pre-planning? Gathering ideas and whatnot? And save the actual booking of vendors and such for after it's "official"? I just don't want to run out of time to book what we need to have the experience we want.

  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_just-engaged-proposals_crazy?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:683Discussion:cb61f6fd-0477-46f2-9b19-0b1396c8a1cbPost:3f93b7d2-dca8-4693-9847-7a41d6d3ff01">Re: Are we crazy?</a>:
    [QUOTE]A ring doesn't have anything to do with being engaged.  The mutual decision to get married to does.  If you have already agreed on this, as it sounds like you have then you are engaged.  Plan away but don't pass off that you aren't engaged that looks BSC.  You are engaged just waiting for him to give you the gift.
    Posted by coastiegrl25[/QUOTE]

    This.

    I've been engaged since May, just haven't gotten a ring yet because of financial reasons. But my ring is almost paid off, and we're planning to get married next November, too. I say go for it if he's going to be waiting until March to do the formal "get down on one knee with ring in had" proposal. That way you won't be going nuts trying to plan a wedding in 9 months; this'll give you 3 more months to figure out all the little details you need, seeing as it seems like your mom's got most of the major things covered already.
  • No, you are not crazy! We're in the same boat. Everyone basically knows we're getting married. We're just not engaged and I don't have a ring...yet! BF has been saving up and we're also waiting so we don't have a super long engagement. But we've still planned stuff and our parents talk about our wedding all the time. Your wedding sounds so romantic. Good luck planning! :)
    May 2012: April Signature Challenge: Wedding Venue
    imagePlanning Bio Wedding Countdown Ticker
  • Hi!

    You are not crazy. I am in the same situation as you are. I have talked to my parents, and my mom is completely excited. We are planning a December 2011 wedding, and have already started looking at venues, etc. I know he is the one, and I know you feel with your guy.  Be happy and enjoy it. We have been saying we are semi-engaged!

    Best of luck to you!
  • I'm so glad I read this post! I am in the same situation. me and the bf have been dating 3+ years and he's trying to pay for the ring in full before he gets it. We have already decided on a date and everything for next year, but I just felt silly putting plans down without a ring. The words about a ring not making you engaged was so comforting. Thanks for the post!
This discussion has been closed.
Choose Another Board
Search Boards