Mixed messages??

belle7fl

I've been with my boyfriend a little over two years now. We've talked about getting married and having kids, we even went to look at rings before Christmas (his idea). I know he loves me more then anything and wants to be with me forever but now when I talk about marriage he just listens and isn't as engaged as he was before. We've even discussed dates and a timeline for our future. Am I missing something? Is he going to propose or what? I am a very anxious person and not knowing is driving me insane!

Grits8812

Maybe he has other things on his mind right now.  My fiance hasn't been much into wedding talk lately, because things have been happening at work.

If he decides to do it, he will.  Don't bug him about it.

achiduck

I'd probably lay off of the marriage talk for a bit. If he brings it up, then by all means have a chat but I wouldn't keep pestering him about it.

OBX2011

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_just-engaged-proposals_mixed-messages?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:683Discussion:cd83b854-8c0c-4619-9a67-e9b994304d03Post:1e1c1efd-0750-4cc8-87ed-041c2256250b">Re: Mixed messages??</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Mixed messages?? : The more I talked about weddings and getting married before we were engaged, the less FI wanted to hear it (and the less he wanted to talk to me, I'm sure).  He pretty much shut down after a while because he got it - I wanted to get married.  He did too, he just needed to be ready for it and propose on his own time.  We were together just shy of 3.5 years when he proposed, and we probably started seriously talking about marriage around the 1.5 year mark?   The best thing to do is just put it out of your mind.  You don't want your BF to propose because he's feeling pressured, right?  Focus on your relationship as it is now.  Talking about marriage and the future is a good thing, but once you two know you're on the same page, you need to back off and let him be ready on his own time (this is assuming you are ready to be married already, and it sounds like this is the case).  
Posted by yaga13[/QUOTE]

THIS and re-read it a few times.

H explained it to me one night well before we were engaged:  "remember, that this isn't just about you honey.  This is MY moment, that I get to ask YOU to be my wife and it's pretty special for me too.  I want to do it my way, on my terms when I am ready.  I want it to be perfect.  It's a pretty big thing for a guy to ask this question and I am nervous about it, so let me do it my way"

Not that I was one that constantly hounding him or anything like that, but it was nice to hear a males perspective on the whole popping the big question thing.

Stay away from wedding talk for awhile and let things happen naturally.  It also takes the fun out of it if you know it's coming.  Give him the chance to completely catch you off guard and surprise you.  You'll appreciate this advice in the long run :)

redheadfsu

I ditto stop the wedding talk.

If you discussed a timeline and such, then it sounds like he will ask you, but maybe he is waiting on the ring and doesn't want to give you hints. Or maybe when you talk wedding, wedding, and more wedding it freaks him out. Just relax.

kellyt89

When BF and I first started talking about an engagement/wedding timeline I wanted to talk about it a lot because I was excited. It's definitely not the same for guys so I realized I needed to stop babbling about it.

If you two went to look at rings I think that you just need to wait patiently to propose when he feels it's the right moment. Let him surprise you

francienyc

I agree with what everyone said.  I was killing myself with anticipation that I might get a Christmas proposal, despite the fact that he warned me any small boxes would *not* be rings.  Then he told my best friend (who got us together) that he wasn't going to propose until we'd known each other a year (which would come round in April).  So I had a blip of disappointment, but put it from my mind.

And then he surprised the bejeezus out of me.  He wasn't planning to ask me over Christmas, but as he was driving to the airport to come visit, he wondered why he was putting it off when he knew this was what he wanted, and he went to the Tiffany's in the airport to get the ring.

If you kill yourself with anticipation and push him about when he's going to ask, you're going to rob both of you of the sweetest surprise you'll ever have in your life.  In the meantime, if you know he's the one, just enjoy being with him.  You don't need a ring for that.

wondermom05

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_just-engaged-proposals_mixed-messages?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:683Discussion:cd83b854-8c0c-4619-9a67-e9b994304d03Post:acf83a42-d26b-4b4d-b0b0-4a6945b0028c">Re: Mixed messages??</a>:
[QUOTE] <strong>If you kill yourself with anticipation and push him about when he's going to ask, you're going to rob both of you of the sweetest surprise you'll ever have in your life.  In the meantime, if you know he's the one, just enjoy being with him.  You don't need a ring for that</strong>.
Posted by francienyc[/QUOTE]

YES!  Completely agree.

CSquared61

I agree with PPs, but it can be tough! I know firsthand: I'm waiting for my guy to graduate, and the goal after that is for us to both work the summer before we do all that matrimonial-finding-a-place-to-live-arguing-about-paint-colors thing. It is a hard wait, but it's better when you remember all the things that make him right for you NOW, before all the other stuff comes along.

Also make sure to take this "pre-engagement" time to make sure YOU are in order. Being bored or dissatisfied with your life as it is leaves a little too much room for that nagging, "I want to start my life!" feeling. So...start your life! Whether that means finding a more interesting job, throwing yourself into school, developing a new hobby, or even cleaning the house for an afternoon - whatever tickles your fancy! That will give you something different to talk to him about than your latest ideas for an event that isn't even on the calendar yet.