Just Engaged and Proposals

You can call it crazy

I am a little over 1 week away from being 21 and will be married at 22!

As of Feb 18th 2012 at 7:55 p.m. my boyfriend became my Fiance. Initially we met on a networking site: He wanted to do advertising and I had friends who would benefit from it. We exchanged numbers and emails and over the winter break, while visiting his sister in my hometown we ran into each other. After knowing each other a month I joked around with him about eloping not thinking too much of it, but it planted a seed in both our minds and another month later he placed a beautiful ring on my finger. Initially we were going to keep it a secret. Neither of us had met each others family (besides the one incident when we first met face to face and ran into my mother at the mall), I hadn't really told any of my friends about him and he lived 2hrs away. But as soon as that ring was placed on my finger I wanted the world to know. He met my mom and dad earlier that day,and after the engagement I asked them how they felt about it all and my dad said he was just happy for me and my mom (for the first time in ever) was speechless. The only ones who don't know are my grandparents (whom I am currently living with). We have set the date for May 5, 2013 which I figure is plenty of time specially since we have school and him moving here to my hometown over the summer to deal with first. 
I never thought I'd know exactly who I'd want to marry so easily, I fell for him very quickly and same went for him. I am completly excited not so much for the wedding rather to be his wife. I figure the wedding thing is just a way to celebrate with my family (being that Im actually very family orientated). I just look forward to learning more about him and exploring and backpacking the world together.

IDK about love at first sight but when you love someone it definitly hits you hard.
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Re: You can call it crazy

  • I definitely call this crazy. So you only knew each other a month, and became engaged? Please tell me I read that wrong.


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  •  We were engaged after two months...
  • Well Congratulations!
  • LOL, couldn't make that up if you tried!
  • Congratulations and best wishes, even if it is kind of crazy?  :)
  • You have me beat! I got engaged after 4 months lol
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  • My parents were engaged after 3 months & then married 3 months after that. They've been happily married for 28 years. BUT, they were 33 & 30. 

    I'm not going to tell you you're too young & need to wait & blah blah because I'm an internet stranger & my view has no weight in your life. So, I wish you the best!
  • Yep, crazy.
  • Be careful. That is all I am saying. Make sure you know the person. Im glad your date is over a year away to give you some time to actually get to know eachother.

    I thought I was in love with someone once too. Turned out I wasn't. I was in love with the person I met, not the person he became.


    Congratulations though. It truely is a very exciting time!
  • I'm not trying to sound like a b!tch but I'm going to tell you something... there is no way you can get to know someone completely in 2 months. Even 6 months, and you still have a lot to learn about each other. I really don't understand how you can think it's a good idea to get engaged right away... good luck.
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  • Congratz on the engagement

    with that said ...


    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_just-engaged-proposals_you-can-call-it-crazy?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:683Discussion:e7f5069d-8144-4e2f-8056-ef17b929c1d1Post:88c2dbb6-6c33-4dc4-969d-66494eb2fa0c">Re: You can call it crazy</a>:
    [QUOTE]I'm not trying to sound like a b!tch but I'm going to tell you something... there is no way you can get to know someone completely in 2 months. Even 6 months, and you still have a lot to learn about each other. I really don't understand how you can think it's a good idea to get engaged right away... good luck.
    Posted by mymissingpuzzlepiece[/QUOTE]

    I second this
  • all i can say is wow. 

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    TTC starting 8/2014 :)
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  • My last post was kind of mean. So here is a better one, when I was 22 I thought I had met the love of my life. We started talking in December 2008, dating in January 2009, engaged Feb 7, 2009 and we broke up December 2009. FROM PERSONAL EXPERIENCE. I used to say the whole "call us crazy" and now I look back and I am like damn "call me stupid." You cannot know a person after two months. A solid 3-5 months of seeing that person everyday is a maybe. I personally wish with that guy that I would've dated him longer because around the 10th month mark I realized he wasn't the guy for me. It was much harder breaking up with my fiance than breaking up with a boyfriend. I know you're going to read all of these posts and go " they just don't get it we're different." And I thought that too but truly the best way to build a house with someone is to set a foundation before you build the first floor. (Foundation=relationship) I think you two go caught up in the honeymoon phase and acted upon the feelings of a new relationship. I am sorry, but congratulating your on your poor choice would be fake. I think you need to talk to your family. I think if they give you the same concern that most of us have then you need to reevaluate your choices.

    Although, I find your decision stupid and rushed. In the back of my mind I hope this is different for you. But knowing everything from my personal experience, It's not and I am sorry.
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  • Well, I do call it crazy - not because of the length of time you've known each other, but because of your ages.  My H and I were engaged 2 months after our first date (3 months after meeting), but we were 37 and 40 at the time, married at 38 and 41.

    We were old enough to know exactly what we wanted, we both have good, stable jobs, I own a home, etc.

    I sincerely hope you do serious pre-marital preparation.
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  • My parents knew each other one month when they got engaged!  They knew each other six months when they were married!  They were married for 7 years, and had one of the worst divorces imaginable.

    My advice is to actually get to know this person before you marry him.  And stop rushing...you're not even legally able to drink FFS.  Date him for a few YEARS, then discuss marriage.
  • Thank you all for you input. I understand and have heard your arguements several times throughout my lifetime. You should get to "Know" everything about a person before even dreaming of marrying them and Im not saying thats not true, But I just want you all to ask yourselves a few questions:

    1. How do you know that the person your with is your forever and always?
    2. Does anyone who plan on building a marrige EVER plan for their divorce?
    3. How can a couple who have known each other all their lives get married and then divorce after 30-50yrs? (not speaking from experience or knowledge of knowing someone who has been in this situation)
    and last...
    4. Is there any doubt for you that you should not be marrying the person you are marrying?

    For that last question I can truely say there is no doubt. Its hard to imagine being sure something is right fearing your being blinded by your feelings for the person. So why fear it. I don't "plan" on things not working out for me and Cedric just as none of you plan on things not turning out right with your fiancee's but we cant see the future and can only go on how we feel in the present.

    Congratz to all of you and best wishes on your marriges. Planning a wedding is easy cuz its controlible compared to forever!
  • I've known DH for almost 9 years, we've been a couple for 6 years, and married for 2 years. And I'm still learning new things about him all the time. Nothing of course at this point that would make me question my relationship with him, but still, just last night I found out something that had me saying "Really?!?!? How did I NOT know this about you before now?!?!?!".

    Shrug, I can hear about 21-year-olds getting engaged and not bat an eye. I can hear about people only knowing each other for 2 months getting engaged and not bat an eye. Something about the combination of the 2 definitely has me hoping that there is a boatload of pre-marital counseling done between now and when you walk down the aisle.

    *I felt sorry for my husband before I met him. Take a number.*
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  • Thanks for the advice we had decided on taking Pre-Marital counseling. We both feel it is important to be able to have all prior knowledge of any information that can help us in our quest for a Great Marriage. :)
  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_just-engaged-proposals_you-can-call-it-crazy?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:683Discussion:e7f5069d-8144-4e2f-8056-ef17b929c1d1Post:93b15951-70d2-46a0-8f11-572f13cd2280">Re: You can call it crazy</a>:
    [QUOTE]Thank you all for you input. I understand and have heard your arguements several times throughout my lifetime. You should get to "Know" everything about a person before even dreaming of marrying them and Im not saying thats not true, But I just want you all to ask yourselves a few questions: 1. How do you know that the person your with is your forever and always? 2. Does anyone who plan on building a marrige EVER plan for their divorce? 3.<strong> How can a couple who have known each other all their lives get married and then divorce after 30-50yrs? </strong>(not speaking from experience or knowledge of knowing someone who has been in this situation) and last... 4. Is there any doubt for you that you should not be marrying the person you are marrying? For that last question I can truely say there is no doubt. Its hard to imagine being sure something is right fearing your being blinded by your feelings for the person. So why fear it. I don't "plan" on things not working out for me and Cedric just as none of you plan on things not turning out right with your fiancee's but we cant see the future and can only go on how we feel in the present. Congratz to all of you and best wishes on your marriges. Planning a wedding is easy cuz its controlible compared to forever!
    Posted by weirdcutie[/QUOTE]<div>That would be my parents - they divorced after 33 years of marriage.  Why?  Because they got married when they were 20, after knowing each other for 2 months.

    </div>
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  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_just-engaged-proposals_you-can-call-it-crazy?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:683Discussion:e7f5069d-8144-4e2f-8056-ef17b929c1d1Post:d02a33bd-e9e2-4b5d-8989-6c9a75fbff85">Re: You can call it crazy</a>:
    [QUOTE]Thanks for the advice we had decided on taking Pre-Marital counseling. We both feel it is important to be able to have all prior knowledge of any information that can help us in our quest for a Great Marriage. :)
    Posted by weirdcutie[/QUOTE]

    <div>Would any of this information have to do with getting to know someone? You are aware that you can do this by....Idk...spending time with someone? This process takes longer than one month.</div>
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  • OP, I just came back to this thread, and I think you've been given a lot of great advice and have responded well to it.  And I really don't want to try to talk you out of your decision- it's your business.

    But I think you're asking the wrong questions.

    Here are my answers to your first four questions:

    1. You can NEVER know that the person you're with is your forever and always.  Never.  People change just normally, people suffer brain damage and mental illness that changes their personality, etc.  What you can know is that the person you're with is someone who you want to try and make a forever with.  I know that about my partner not just because I love him, but because I've spent several years with him learning about whether or not we're compatible.

    2. Maybe people don't PLAN for divorce, but a healthy couple discusses the possibility of what they would do if their marriage wasn't working out before they get married, yes.

    3. I know a number of people who have been in this situation.  Usually but not always, the answer is that the marriage was NEVER happy, even early on, but they remained in an unhappy marriage for many years for appearances' sake.

    4. No, I don't doubt that I should be marrying my partner.  But I based that decision not just on how much I love him, but on a foundation of knowing how we communicate, how we fight, how we resolve conflicts, our shared values, etc, based on having known him for 4 years.

    That's why I worry that you're asking the wrong questions- here are some that I'm curious as to whether you've considered, though maybe you'll talk about these things in counseling.

    - Have you had a fight yet?  What are your fighting styles?

    - How do you communicate when you're upset, or about difficult or painful topics?

    - Are there things in life where you have an absolute impasse as far as your beliefs?  (Answer: there are, even if you don't know them yet.  It's a really good idea to find out what they are before you get married, because some things, like one person wanting to have kids and the other not, can be absolute dealbreakers.)  And when you find them, how will you compromise on them?

    - How do you both deal with money?

    - What do each of you think about parenting styles?

    The list goes on forever, and the problem with only knowing someone for a few months is that you can't possibly have had time to have all these conversations.  Premarital counseling can help with that, but it can't do all the work for you.  Loving someone is absolutely, 100% not enough to have a healthy, happy marriage- as one PP noted, it takes a lot of foundational stuff, too.  Some people are lucky, and they build the foundation after they get married.  Some people don't, and the marriage collapses for lack of foundation.
  • I met my FI on a night out with a group of friends, we started talking and we did not stop talking that whole night. I had been badly burned by guys before etc had been engaged before and have a child etc. and I really never expected to meet anyone for me... When I met him that night and from everything I knew just that night I had the lil voice telling me " he is the one " .

    I cant put a time frame on when we really did decide it was going to happen... Yes we had to have fights and know each other awhile ... The initial meeting did it for me and I do NOT belive in that hocus pocus at all . We did have a honeymoon phase that lasted almost the first year . But the whole time I just kinda knew....

    I hope you do counseling and really take your time ... Enjoy it ... My best friend's parents dated for 3 weeks, got married soon after that  and they have been married for 25 years. And they were young ... It can happen ...

    Love is All You Need
  • yeeeeahh... I was married at 22... and I'm calling all of this crazy. (you said we could) 
    I mean.. ok.. I'm not one to talk because my husband and I moved in together after only a couple weeks (on accident.. more like I helped him move into his new home.. and then just.. never left. :P ) and we knew by a month or two in that we were going to end up married... but we were perfectly content with waiting a couple years to live together, know each other, go through hard times, etc. 
    What's the rush? 
  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_just-engaged-proposals_you-can-call-it-crazy?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:683Discussion:e7f5069d-8144-4e2f-8056-ef17b929c1d1Post:fbde777d-9736-4e1f-954c-f21b93387f78">Re: You can call it crazy</a>:
    [QUOTE]OP, I just came back to this thread, and I think you've been given a lot of great advice and have responded well to it.  And I really don't want to try to talk you out of your decision- it's your business.<strong> But I think you're asking the wrong questions. Here are my answers to your first four questions: 1. You can NEVER know that the person you're with is your forever and always.  Never.  People change just normally, people suffer brain damage and mental illness that changes their personality, etc.  What you can know is that the person you're with is someone who you want to try and make a forever with.  I know that about my partner not just because I love him, but because I've spent several years with him learning about whether or not we're compatible. 2. Maybe people don't PLAN for divorce, but a healthy couple discusses the possibility of what they would do if their marriage wasn't working out before they get married, yes. 3. I know a number of people who have been in this situation.  Usually but not always, the answer is that the marriage was NEVER happy, even early on, but they remained in an unhappy marriage for many years for appearances' sake. 4. No, I don't doubt that I should be marrying my partner.  But I based that decision not just on how much I love him, but on a foundation of knowing how we communicate, how we fight, how we resolve conflicts, our shared values, etc, based on having known him for 4 years. That's why I worry that you're asking the wrong questions- here are some that I'm curious as to whether you've considered, though maybe you'll talk about these things in counseling. - Have you had a fight yet?  What are your fighting styles? - How do you communicate when you're upset, or about difficult or painful topics? - Are there things in life where you have an absolute impasse as far as your beliefs?  (Answer: there are, even if you don't know them yet.  It's a really good idea to find out what they are before you get married, because some things, like one person wanting to have kids and the other not, can be absolute dealbreakers.)  And when you find them, how will you compromise on them? - How do you both deal with money? - What do each of you think about parenting styles? The list goes on forever, and the problem with only knowing someone for a few months is that you can't possibly have had time to have all these conversations.  Premarital counseling can help with that, but it can't do all the work for you.  Loving someone is absolutely, 100% not enough to have a healthy, happy marriage- as one PP noted, it takes a lot of foundational stuff, too.  Some people are lucky, and they build the foundation after they get married.  Some people don't, and the marriage collapses for lack of foundation.
    Posted by calliopeia2013[/QUOTE]
    </strong>
    <div>This.</div>
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  • Yes we have been talking through those questions that you asked. We reaserched them because we didnt want to seem like we were just jumping into something without being level headed. I for one know the importants of getting the bases of Religion, Child care, MONEY, as well as jobs and future goals covered. My plans for my future was to graduate with my Vet Technologies degree then backpack the world right after graduation so I never expected to met someone who would let alone could understand this was who I am and WHAT I will do. Ive dated enough guys and even been egaged before to a guy Id dated on and off 4yrs. I dont expect to be some exception to any rule and from the way Ive grown up I know that it takes alot of work for a healthy relationship and a little more than just love to keep things going. I maybe young but I do my research before I jump into something. I know it all seems pretty quick but I promise you its not something we are just rushing into guns blazing. 

    We both want children in our future and we have constantly discussed MONEY since is one of the major reasons why relationships dont work out. Though again keep it up with the advice and questions. Im only taking this all as constructive critizism that can only better me and my Fi's situation. So thanks everyone ^_^
  • Only you know how you feel and that's most important, but why the rush for marriage?  I have been with my fiance 10 years now, I used to be very jealous of friends around me that were getting married and I wasn't, and they hadn't been together as long as us (since high school).  Now I know that I was thinking irresponsibily and we've been very happy together.  We have a home and a life that I would never trade for anything.  Unfortunately every friend is divorced, filing for divorce, or talking about divorce who got married before me.  I supported them for giving it their all and I'm here for them through this, but I can't help but think it may have a lot to do with maturity.  Not only do you need to learn about the other person, but also yourself, you will grow and what you want now, you may not want in the future.  No matter how much it stung every time someone asked why I wasn't married after being in a relationship for so long, I knew that it wouldn't change our lives or feelings for each other and I'm grateful now for the long wait.  I wish you the best and just hope that you keep an open mind during your engagement.  Don't feel like you're "giving in" in you decide on maybe postponing it a little.  Congratulations.
  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_just-engaged-proposals_you-can-call-it-crazy?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:683Discussion:e7f5069d-8144-4e2f-8056-ef17b929c1d1Post:88c2dbb6-6c33-4dc4-969d-66494eb2fa0c">Re: You can call it crazy</a>:
    [QUOTE]I'm not trying to sound like a b!tch but I'm going to tell you something... there is no way you can get to know someone completely in 2 months. Even 6 months, and you still have a lot to learn about each other. I really don't understand how you can think it's a good idea to get engaged right away... good luck.
    Posted by mymissingpuzzlepiece[/QUOTE]

    <div>This. </div><div>
    </div><div>OP, I just want you to really be careful. I was engaged once before, and got engaged after only 3 months. That's only one month longer than you. I ended up calling off the wedding 3 days before the wedding, becuase I realized that I was stupid. He was not the person I thought he was before, and the night before it would have been 3 days before the wedding, he beat me. You can't ever truly get to know each other in that small amount of time. </div>
  • edited March 2012
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_just-engaged-proposals_you-can-call-it-crazy?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:683Discussion:e7f5069d-8144-4e2f-8056-ef17b929c1d1Post:613511fb-a3c5-4593-a488-0a0fe9412508">Re: You can call it crazy</a>:
    [QUOTE]  We both want children in our future and we have constantly discussed MONEY since is one of the major reasons why relationships dont work out. Though again keep it up with the advice and questions. Im only taking this all as constructive critizism that can only better me and my Fi's situation. So thanks everyone ^_^
    Posted by weirdcutie[/QUOTE]

    <div>Talking about money and actually being financially together are two very different things.. just so you know... My husband and I decided we wanted to go through a couple things before marriage, even though we knew at about 2-3 months we were it. One of those things was combining finances and see how we worked as a team. </div><div>it's easy to say "I'm going to climb a mountain!" much more difficult in practice... same with money..</div><div>Just a suggestion. </div>
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