Me...Meet Panic Attacks!

kd137108

I have anxiety issues (I get physically sick when I have to make choices...large or small; meet new people; new situations; etc).

So now, since I'm graduating undergrad end of next year (a quarter earlier than I was expecting), I'm looking into graduate schools and most that I want to go to are out of state and if I get accepted, that means I'll be moving out of state with just my puppy and living on my own in a strange place until my fiance graduates half a year after me (we're getting married June 2013...money permitting).

Here's where you all come in: has anyone been in this situation? How did you cope? Would it be crazy of me to hold off a year until my fiance can move with me?

Maggieaha

Long distance relationships are very common. There are also a lot of ways to cope and thrive in an LDR. My fiance and I have been apart for 2 years while he attends school in GA. Is it difficult? Of course! But it's not impossible. The important part is to stay in contact regularly, know when you'll see eachother again, and maintain the trust you had when you were together.

Skype to skype calling and video calling is free, and comes highly recommended. Also, regular texts, phone calls, emails, etc are a must! You can do this! It's perfectly normal to feel really upset at first, but over time you will get stronger and so will your relationship.

If you want any more tips, let me know.

Murfle11

LDRs happen. They suck, but they happen. If you were that nervous about it, then you can wait a year. The only thing about that is the logistics of school - financial aid, applications, etc. I'm not sure how your school does it, but I've had a lot of trouble with mine over these things. Good luck, though! 

EmilyW416

I agree use skpe for the LDR.

I have anxiety, Im also on meds for it. Have you talked to ur Dr about it? The pills have helped me alot.

trawas01

My FI and I were in a long distance relationship for 3 years of undergrad and then after I graduated and moved home were still in a LDR for another year. Last August I got into grad school and we moved south, together, for the first time in our 4 year old relationship.

LDRs aren't easy and there are times when they down right suck but are they doable? 100%. As long as you are both committed to maintaining the relationship. Skype, video chatting are all helpful. What you need to be aware of  is the huge commitment that graduate school is and that makes it more difficult to travel to visit one another. To be honest I can't imagine balancing both now that I'm a full time PhD student but if we had to I'm sure we would have made it work.

Planning dates to see each other always helps. I found that I got most achy in the relationship when we didn't have the next date set for when we'd see each other. As long as there was something to look froward to I did ok.

We also found that we both got needy at different times which led to problems here and there. My now FI got needy right after we saw each other, I was more needy right before seeing each other. Its something you need to work through and try to be more aware of each other's emotions.

I think we have a stronger relationship now because of those first few years.

As far as would it be crazy to hold off, I personally I don't think so. I waited a year for graduate school after graduating from undergrad and it was the best thing I could do. I worked my rear end off in undergrad and was pretty burnt out and tired of school by that point. I took a year off, worked two jobs, paid down the student loans and put money away for furniture, security deposits, etc. It gave me time to really investigate which schools were best for me and it gave my FI time to look for jobs in the areas. With those two things we were able to narrow down areas that had jobs for him and a program for me. Don't overlook the importance of him finding work. I'm fortunate now that FI has his ideal job while I go to my ideal school but he moved here with me pre having work and the first month was tough while I was sucked into grad school and he was searching, and searching, and searching for a decent job that wasn't flipping burgers.

Also I was very afraid taking a year off would put me behind with other students but I found overwhelmingly at 23 I was starting a PhD younger then most. Also alot of professors look for students with work experience as they consider them more reliable and ready for school again. Something to consider..

Another thing to think about is graduate school really requires you to network, travel, meet people and talk. Its not something I'm comfortable with either. I don't meet people easily and I'm never comfortable with "small talk" with strangers. Its something you'll want to work on to the best of your ability before taking the plunge into graduate school.