Getting married in undergrad

tyley

Hi girls

I'm just wondering if anyone else is getting married while still in undergrad. When we get married, I will still have one semester left and my fiance will have two. I feel like a fish out of water, getting married so "young," though we'll both be 22.

We have received criticism about our decision, because the "normal" thing to do is to wait until you're graduated. Our biggest issue is finances, but other than that, we see no downside to getting married at this stage in our lives.

Is anyone else in this situation? Or something similar to it?

KiloBravo7

I'd say it's usually best to wait under these circumstances, especially since the both of you are still in undergrad.  It is very important to have all of your financial ducks in a row before getting married, and if both of you are students, then school can take ridiculous amounts of time away from working full time, saving up money, and furthering your careers.  But, the decision is yours and yours alone, you don't need to take my advice.  For all I know, you both could already have wonderful jobs while still students and be completely able to support yourselves.  You and your FI know what's best for you two.

 

I'm in an unexpected situation that can happen when one person is done with college and the other person is still a student: (and sorry for the long explanation!)

 

FI and I mostly live off of his income right now, as he's been out of college for 2 years now and works full time and I only work part time.  We chose 8/25/12 to be our wedding date because it would have been after I was done with college this August, but I had an issue with my schedule this summer and had to drop two classes, pushing my graduation back to this fall, after the wedding.  Shortly after I pushed back my grad date, FI found out that the airline he flies for is moving his base airport out of state shortly after we're married, and will need to move six hours away while I'm still in my last semester.  Luckily, my last two classes can be done online from our new home.  If these classes were not offered online, we would have had to start off our marriage living apart, after having lived together for nearly two years.  That's not how anyone wants to start off their marriage!

 

I wouldn't want you to end up in a similar situation, with you graduating before your FI and your new career taking you away from where he still attends school.  All it takes is one job transfer to get you into this dilemma.

 

Best of luck to you!

fridaysdance

I'm getting married with about a year and a half left and FI is out. We considered waiting but my program is still small and making it very hard to graduate on time if you have to drop something. I can do it if some classes come along but it will be difficult. It may actually be easier to move and finish now. That's why we didn't mind. It's just a plus that it is helping my financial aid next year since my program offers scholarships for married students.

I've been pretty much independent for a long time so time management is no issue. We've been together for about 5 years now so we're used to a lot of craziness.

Corgnilias

This is very individual to the couple, so if you know in your heart this will work, following through with it is the right choice and there is no need to wait. The main thing to make sure is that on the large issues (like finance, children, and religion) your views align. It also helps to do premarital counseling. Despite a lot of misgivings about why we would need premarital counseling because we weren't having problems we did it (the session called Prepare and Enrich, which is pretty widely available), and we have been glad we did. It is just a couple meetings and gets you talking about some important points.

Just from personal experience getting married that early would not have worked out well for me. I dated a guy for three years of college and we were sure we would get married, but as time went on it became clear that a lot changes during these years, including yourselves. Scientists have figured out that the brain doesn't finish maturing until around age 25, and regardless of how smart and independent I knew I was at 22, I had a lot of growing and learning to do before I hit 25. That boyfriend and I ended up breaking up, which was sad at the time, but looking back it's a huge relief. None of this is to discourage you because some couples that age work out wonderfully. Just saying, evaluate this carefully as you would anything else and that will help you feel confident in your decision. Best of luck.

Annas2013

Honestly I would wait until you're done with undergrad.  My FI and I are getting married two weeks after we graduate, mostly because of finances.  My parents are cutting me off after graduation whether I'm married or not, so this isn't making much of a difference.  

If you can be financially independent of your families while in college and can afford to live on your own, then go for it.  But I strongly believe that if you get married you need to be financially independent, which means your parents aren't paying for anything.  

Also like pp's said, remember that things can always change.  It would suck to be married and long distance.  Some couples have to, and it has to be hard.  

Think about it before you make a final decision.  

PrincessJas

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_students_getting-married-in-undergrad?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:684Discussion:892a4c8b-8481-4da3-98b5-8fb4157cc4e2Post:3857c7e1-29fc-4bb4-8129-2c569be66c73">Getting married in undergrad</a>:
[QUOTE]Hi girls :) I'm just wondering if anyone else is getting married while still in undergrad. When we get married, <strong>I will still have one semester left and my fiance will have two</strong>. I feel like a fish out of water, getting married so "young," though we'll both be 22. We have received criticism about our decision, because the "normal" thing to do is to wait until you're graduated. Our biggest issue is finances, but other than that, we see no downside to getting married at this stage in our lives. Is anyone else in this situation? Or something similar to it?
Posted by tyley[/QUOTE]

<div>Why not just wait?  It's a matter of ~ 9 months, and then you won't have to worry about the time off from classes, etc.</div>

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emeejeeayen

HAHAHAHA to the above scam post.

My advice about waiting is this: wait until you've gone through a serious transition together. When my FI and I graduated undergrad it was a tumultuous time. We'd been living together in school, but suddenly things were different. I can't explain exactly how. We went through a period where we broke up because of it (about.....a year and a half after we graduated? for about 6 months), and if we'd been married we would have gotten a divorce, and I don't think we would have ever gotten back together. Every couple is different, but I thought we were as solid as they come, and that transition period really rattled us. 

catrb89

SO and I are waiting until I'm finished my masters to get married. It'll be a longer engagement than I would normally want, but my education comes first. I'd definitely wait until you're at least done undergrad. Your education should come first and this way you'll have more time for planning and for honeymooning!

snuff9861

I'm in undergrad. Heading into my 2nd year of nursing school. I'm also 25, and this is round two of school for me. FI works full time and I work overtime in the summer and parttime during school to help out with bills. OP, you stated that finances are the only barrierto getting married right now. Trust me, wait a little bit until money is not an issue. Money and bills are the number one reason for fights and dissolution of marriages. Why put unnecessary stress on a new marriage?

DramaGeek

We got married during undergrad.  I had one semester left, H had what we thought was 2-3 years left, but when he changed majors it ended up being an additional 4.5.  In addition to getting married before graduation, I started grad school 6 weeks after I finished undergrad, so I was in school for the first 1.5 years of our marriage and H was the only one working.

It worked really well for us.  Sure, we had difficult times, but because we saved like crazy before we got married, when H was still able to live with his parents, we went into our marriage with a nice savings account that paid for grad school.  We will celebrate 10 years of marriage in December and, between the two of us, we have two bachelor degrees, one masters, two cars that are paid off and own two homes, so I think we're doing ok ;-)

As many others said, it is really an individual decision and what works well for one couple might be disasterous for another.  For us, it was definitely the right decision.

ravenray

Both H and I still have two years left and we just got married. 

For us it was the right choice.  Money is a big issue so you need to be prepared to support yourselves.  I would highly recommend pre-marital counseling; it really helps even if you think you have talked about everything. 

HopefulLife

I just graduated in May and fi is going back to school this fall (been out working to put me through school and to take time off) and we're getting married in February. We pushed it back because I wasn't going to be done in time for the initial date and so far it's better for us that at least one of us is finished and working full time. Each couple and situation is different so just honestly analyze yourselves and decided what is best, even if it isn't exactly what you initally wanted.

rsanna

FI and I are getting married while still in undergrad as well. We still have 3 years of school left and will be getting married a year from now. The thing is, we have thought about all of our possibilities and well into our future - thus our choice of date. 

We are both in our university's honors program and so will be completeing our theses during our last year, while looking for grad schools, while looking for apartments across the country, while finishing up classes.  We didn't want to add wedding planning to that. Even if we had wanted to wait until after graduation we would have had 4 months at best to plan it and the venue we booked books over a year in advance. So that rules out both our last year and right after we graduate, because of the uncertainity of when we can move and where exactly we are going, because I would like to get moved as soon as possible after graduation to get used to the huge change.

If we got married during grad school, we would have to plan something really small around where we end up moving to without any of my family present, because they wouldn't be able to afford the trip.  Or we would have to plan it across multiple states without ever being able to see anything.

What I'm saying is that our date works for us because of what our plans are. It doesn't make sese for to wait, because we wouldn't be in any better of a position several years and that is just logistically speaking about the time to plan it.

JayneGeist

My FI and I are getting married while I'm an undergrad. I'll have 1 1/2 years left, but for us it's right. After I graduate we're moving to wherever I get into grad school which will take another 2 years & he's going to go back to grad school as soon as we figure out where we're moving, so we'll both be in school.

My dad wanted us to wait until I graduated, but he also still thinks I'm getting a PHD and have 6 more years of school. (In time he'll get the MFA thing lols)

It's right for us, we want to start our married life together. Sure financials are sketchy at times, but the desire to have a wedding budget of more than $5 actually led to me getting straight A's last spring and getting my scholarship back which once added to my grants and things is more than my tuition, so we don't have to worry about the wedding taking money away from my school or bills, just the loan interests later ; )

If it's right for you guys, then its right.

yellesrendezvous

We will be 23 and 25 when we get married, young, but we'll both be done with school by then. FI just finished grad school this past month, and starts his new job next week. I, on the other hand, work and attend school at the same time. 

The only skeptics we have had are strangers. Our family and friends, people who know us and love us, think it's a natural progression for us. We live together for years now, have been together over 5 years, and plan to move next year after the wedding, so being married is something that was important to both of us, before we leave the state most of out family lives in. 

Beads921

If the biggest barrier to you getting married in undergrad is money, you should wait. Money is a tough issue for many couples, and not having much doesn't make that any easier. 

It'll almost be a full year after I finish school before we get married. We already have our proverbial ducks in a row, but we're waiting because it just makes the most sense (when we chose the date, my employment status was still up in the air). No one is sideyeing our decision, and we'll be 23 when we get married. I don't feel "like a fish out of water". I'm completely ready for this next step, and I'm glad we're waiting so I get to feel that way. 

Blz016

First of all, congratulations on your engagement!! Like I've seen a couple of people state, the age of the couple and state of education is individual to you all. Personally, my fiance and I are still undergrads (I'm about 2 years out from graduation) and what some would consider "young) to get married, he'll be 23, I'll be 22 when we tie the knot. We've been together five years, been through a lot, lived together for 4 years, anf know we're ready. Our families are in complete support of our decision as we've been living as a married couple for years now. This is a hard question to ask a group of people because it's different for everyone. My sister in law is waiting waiting until she graduates to get married simply because her new in-laws-to-be won't pay for the wedding unless she's done with school. Do what is right for you and your fiance, don't let others determine your schedule.

brandybelle618

My FI and I are getting married with one more year left in undergrad, and then 5 to 7 more years of graduate school. It was and still is stressful dealing with my parents after we decided to get married so "young" (we are 21). 

jmfhokie

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_students_getting-married-in-undergrad?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:684Discussion:892a4c8b-8481-4da3-98b5-8fb4157cc4e2Post:6f324e01-fcff-44f4-9335-1eea7c596dff">Re: Getting married in undergrad</a>:
[QUOTE]SO and I are waiting until I'm finished my masters to get married. It'll be a longer engagement than I would normally want, but my education comes first. I'd definitely wait until you're at least done undergrad. Your education should come first and this way you'll have more time for planning and for honeymooning!
Posted by catrb89[/QUOTE]

<div>
</div><div>This is similar to what we did/are doing.  But then it took us months to get jobs after finishing our grad programs...oy vay.  And still it's going to be hard to afford a decent wedding (20K) on our incomes.  But I know you can do it and all of us can!  I just don't know how I could have ever planned a wedding while still being in school...whew.  Best of luck!</div>

amandacook10

I still have 1-2 years of undergrad and am 24, My fiance has just 2 semesters left of his. I feel liek a fish out of water as well, and I think still being in school adds to the stress. But considering we are college students we're used to the stress of time pressure! We just did things on a low budget and what made us happy! Finances is our main concern as well. There however is not really a "normal" time, in college or out you'd be getting married anyways!

jenny&will2014

I am getting married with 7 months left till graduation

kac5560

Hey! So, my fiance Steven and I have been together for what's going on 4 years this December, and we'll be getting married in January. I am in my senior year of college and will still have an internship and whole other semester to complete after we get married. I'm also 21 (turning 22 in November)... We don't have much money either, but he does have his own house and a good job. (Working a part time job on the side for now as well.)

I work, go to school, and plan the wedding. That's my life right now, haha, and I'm just taking one day at a time.

If you want to get married and are able to pull it off, I say go for it! People tell me I'm too young too, but I know where I'm at in life and I know how much I love Steven. Trusting God in our situations plays a HUGE part in everything too.  

danielm18

I'm getting married a little bit more than 2 months after graduation. I'll be completely done with my Chemistry degree and my FI will be going to DO school 2 weeks later. We decided to wait until after our undergraduate mostly to keep stress as low as possible and because we weren't sure we would be able to live together during the school year even if we were married (long andstory I won't go into). We could afford a wedding now (he has military money) but we still decided to wait. I know a few couples who got married over breaks, and while I wouldn't say they regret it they have told me they would do othings a little differently with hindsite. Of course they were more traditional than we are and wanted to be married before living together

On another note, unlike a lot of people on here no one is giving us the "But your so young" spill. I just turned 21 and he's 25.Maybe it's a regional thing?

J&T=1207

Hi! I am also considering getting married while I am in undergrad. However, I have a savings account that will help pay for the wedding and some bills those final one or two semesters I would be in school. If this is what you really want, don't let anyone make you feel like you HAVE to wait. Every couple is different. My advice is if you really do end up getting married while you're still in school, understand that life will be different when you two end up working for a living. My fi works for a living and he became a different person when he started. Fortunately, we were able to grow up together and we have become closer because of it. I wish you two the best of luck!

Sydney91

I am an undergrad. Despite my FI crashing my vehicle into our deck --- he's fine except for injured pride and my Jeep is fixed now too --- we are financially stable. We both work in the summers and get some financial help from our families for tuition. Yes, we are broke off our butts, but we make the ends meet. Also, after we are married, my fiance is moving about 4 hours away for his education degree and I will join him for my accounting degree 4 months later when I graduate from the university where we met. I am a semester behind my fiance from taking fewer classes in second year to have more time. We are still getting married. We are in fourth year and have basiclly no time, but we make time to wedding plan and romance and get school done. It's really not that hard, although there are days where I want to chuck the whole kit and kaboodle for five minutes. Then I realize that it's nothing that can't be achieved and push forward.

KaySea6213

My FI and I have been living together and paying our own bills for quite some time now (we've also been together for 6, almost 7, years now), so even though I'm 19 and he'll be 22 we're getting married in June. I'll still have 2 and a half years in undergrad with my double major.

Nikita2013

I been thinking about still waiting until graduation but either getting married the same year as graduation or waiting an extra year after graduation. I only have 2 years left and my fiance works full time. I don't mind waiting sometimes, and yet some days I'm just like f** this I wanna get married and be done lol. We would be like 24-25 when this happens and since we don't have the money saved up just yet anyway it's no problem waiting.

JCbride2015

@KnotPorscha zombie thread.