Students

Engaged as a sophmore

2

Re: Engaged as a sophmore

  • I feel sorry for you. Not because you are so clueless about the world that you think there is any reason - religiously led or not - to be engaged at 15, not because you think life is as simple as picking up and moving whenever you feel like it and supporting yourself by being a homemaker - not even because you are making such a huge decision when you so clearly do not have the emotional tools to do so yet. I feel sorry for you because you believe that you serve a God with zero passion - who set you up with someone that you had to "gradually" fall in love with, whom you don't even seem to desire. I feel sorry for you that you believe that the wonder and amazement of enjoying the body of the man you love through the act of sex - all of which God created - is equated in any way with emptiness. That's like throwing one of God's greatest gifts in His face. Waiting for marriage is one thing - but you seem to believe, from what you said, that it's beneath you in general. Well then, you must know more than God does.

    I realize that nothing any of us say will change your mind. Based on your condescension and the attitude that you have all the answers, it seems to me that you are just like any other 15 year old I know, no matter how "heavenly-minded" you think you may be. I do hope that you find happiness in whatever you choose, and that God gives you a clue along with this list of demands He seems to have for you.
  • This thread makes me weep for our future if this is what the next generation holds...
    Anniversary
  • I was "engaged" as a sophomore too, to a controlling guy who pretty much made me feel like he was all I needed, and actually told me if I left him he would commit suicide. No one approved of our relationship in the first place, and after I told friends that I was engaged none of them believed me, and those that did told me I was being stupid. Luckily that relationship crumbled a couple months later.

    I'm disturbed by the fact your parents seem wary of this idea and you don't seem to care. Although I didn't agree with my parents half the time at that age either. But I'm even more dirturbed that your FI's family will be up and moving to Texas, where you are expected to be a homemaker, all in the name of God.

    I think you need to look back a couple years and see what your dreams and aspirations were. Did you dream of being a homemaker? Or did you want to be anything else? Did you ever think of college? If you had all kinds of interests and dreams before meeting this guy, and those evaporated while you "gradually" fell in love after supposedly learning you HAD to be together to please God, then something is WRONG.
    ******************************************************

  • In Response to Re: Engaged as a sophmore:
    I am also marrying very young but we thought about it alot! My FI and i have been dating since we were 16 and after a few months we said we wanted to get married. in that time i was really inmature and i personally think i didn't know what getting married entitled. My FI (always the mature one since he has lived by himself since he was 15) always told me to wait, at that time i thought he wasn't sure of our relationship but now that i look back i know he was right in telling me to wait. We decided to get married once we completed this checklist: we both had finished college we both had stable jobs a good amount of saving to start our marriage and we had a house to live in once we get married (i am not getting married to go back to my parents house!) Now i am 21 and i already finished college and i've been saving most of my paycheck (since i still live with my parents i don't spend alot) towards our future and my FI is going to finish next year and already has a good paying job. We have decided to get married on our 6th anniversary. of couse, he has proposed at least 10 times. and i told him that since we have already stablished a date i need a new proposal so i can make it official Yes, i think i  am still young and i have changed ALOT since i was 16 but i think the best part is that my FI and i have changed and matured together and after everything we still love each other Sorry for my bad spelling, English is not my first language
    Posted by sweetlullaby31
    Erhm... what?
    IMG_6364
    "Life is not orderly. No matter how we try to make life so, right in the middle of it we die, lose a leg, fall in love, drop a jar of applesauce." - Natalie Goldberg
  • I know plently of my friends who got married right after high school which means they were engaged in high school. I dont see anything wrong with you being engaged in high school because its yall relationship at the end of the day. Nobody elses and yes as you see many people will call you out and state their opinion but its your happiness and your life. Love has no age, so if thats where your heart is than do it! and Love everyday like its your last! Best of Luck sweety!
    I fell in love with the world's greatest man on June 2, 2009. Ashanti & Dalton= unstoppable.(I am Unconditionally and Irrevocably in LOVE with Him). Daisypath Anniversary tickers
  • I started dating my FI when I was a sophmore and he was a senior in high school. I had NO idea that him & I would be where we are today. I had hoped, being a Christian myself and praying about it, that it was meant to be but I wasn't sure how long it would last, but we have lasted 4 years. I don't even remember how long we were dating, maybe a year or so, we knew we wanted to get married but made no definite plans. We decided to keep dating knowing what each other's intentions were. Financially getting married is a huge deal. Parents stop paying for everything, and you are left w/rent, car payments, electric/gas, food, cellphones ect to pay all on your own. Now that my FI and I are engaged we had thought of getting married summer 2012 but decided we need to be more FINACIALLY secure and want him to be graduated from college to get a decent job.
     Looking back from when I was a sophmore in High School to now being a sophmore in college I have changed a lot. The person I thought I was, the plans I made (college/major/career) has completely changed. Personality wise I'm different as well. I have always been mature but I know I am WAY more mature then I was then. My sister has had 6 different boyfriends in the time span that I have had 1 (my FI) and each boyfriend she has had she said she was going to marry and that has obviously not happened. She is a junior in high school and I know she isn't at all mature enough to be engaged or married. She has so much growing up to do and so many life experiences to go through. There is nothing wrong with you believing that your FI is the one your to be with, but know you have so much ahead of you in life. Are you sure being a homemaker in Texas is really what God wants for you? Maybe he has something bigger and better out there for you. My advice would be to do some soul searching and praying to find out what you are to do with you life before you set things in stone. 
    Good luck!
    Wedding Countdown Ticker
  • I've noticed lately via Facebook that there has been a rash of divorces from my high school class. And these people got married after college!

    One woman is separated after a year or less of marriage. The rest have been married 4 ish years.
  • OP I hope this all works out for you, but I have to agree with others on here, why the rush? I too thought I'd met my soulmate when I was 19 and out of high school. And maybe he was in that non-romantic way, but once the love blinders came off and push came to shove, I realised that we were two very different people and that he was more in love with the idea of having me around, than the actual me. Took alot of work, but I got over him and I'm glad I did.. Flash forward a year later and I met my now boyfriend. We've been through a long distance relationship that lasted a year and included months of being apart. We've been through the hassles of government paperwork to be together, and in March we'll be facing our biggest hurdle yet which is applying for my permanent residency in his country.

    So now I ask you, why do you love your fiance? What about him makes him the life partner you want, aside from the similarities in religious goals for the future? Also if you had to move to Texas with just him and leave all your family and friends behind, could you rely on him and only him initially? I ask because that's what I had to do with my boyfriend when I moved to live with him, two thousand miles away from home. I didn't know a soul but he was so supportive of helping me to adjust. Do you think your fiance would do that for you? Also if you came down with a serious ilness do you think he'd stick it out with you? Do you have enough money to support yourselves and any future children you could have after you get married? These are all questions you need to ask yourself before you walk down the aisle.
    "Love is more than an emotion, it is a verb you must choose to do everyday." Daisypath Anniversary tickers
  • In Response to Re: Engaged as a sophmore:
    I feel sorry for you. Not because you are so clueless about the world that you think there is any reason - religiously led or not - to be engaged at 15, not because you think life is as simple as picking up and moving whenever you feel like it and supporting yourself by being a homemaker - not even because you are making such a huge decision when you so clearly do not have the emotional tools to do so yet. I feel sorry for you because you believe that you serve a God with zero passion - who set you up with someone that you had to "gradually" fall in love with, whom you don't even seem to desire. I feel sorry for you that you believe that the wonder and amazement of enjoying the body of the man you love through the act of sex - all of which God created - is equated in any way with emptiness. That's like throwing one of God's greatest gifts in His face. Waiting for marriage is one thing - but you seem to believe, from what you said, that it's beneath you in general. Well then, you must know more than God does. I realize that nothing any of us say will change your mind. Based on your condescension and the attitude that you have all the answers, it seems to me that you are just like any other 15 year old I know, no matter how "heavenly-minded" you think you may be. I do hope that you find happiness in whatever you choose, and that God gives you a clue along with this list of demands He seems to have for you.
    Posted by csousa1

    Thank you for putting what I was thinking into the words I couldn't.

    image
    Daisypath Anniversary tickers
  • I'm late on this thread...but what the hell.

    I met FI when I was 14. Have we been dating since we were 14? No. Did I think at 14 that I wanted to marry him? Yes. But then I thought the same thing about 10 other guys between then and when we started dating again in college. Was I able to make major decisions about my life at 14? No. And neither are you.

    Sorry to be so judgy, but you're way too young. You can almost bet on it that you probably won't end up marrying this guy. And being engaged for pretty much your entire high school career...that's gonna suck major balls.

    Good luck!

    Wedding Countdown Ticker
  • Oh, and please don't get married just to have sex. That's a really really really bad reason to rush into an engagement and marriage.
    Wedding Countdown Ticker
  • In Response to Re: Engaged as a sophmore:
    I got engaged as a sophomore in high school too. We decided to wait until after high school to get married. NO ONE approved of this idea, heck, half my friends didn't even approve of the guy I was with. That relationship dissolved a couple months later. I'm GLAD it did, looking back. He was controlling and verbally abusive. Yet for some reason, I thought I loved him and we were meant to be together. You know what I think it was, looking back? BRAINWASHING. He was so dang controlling that I felt like he was all I needed. The fact your own parents are iffy and you don't care doesn't surprise me, since that's how I was at that age... just remember your parents are pretty much always spot on when it comes to these types of things. But the fact your FI's parents and your FI are seemingly using God to pretty much scare you into moving to another state to be a homemaker absolutely disgusts me.
    Posted by wink0erin

    This is the exact replica on how I feel about the whole thing. It all seems strangely, excuse me for this, cult-ish to me. But, you know more about your life and his family etc than any of us do. So if it works for you, it works. I just can't even fathom what my life would be like right now if I were to marry the guy I was so 'in love' with at 15. Oh, that's right, I would be divorced because all he was in the end was a lying cheater. I just hope you don't end up finding something like that out the hard way like me. GL regardless.

    "Look like a girl, act like a lady, think like a man, & work like a boss." image Daisypath Wedding tickers
  • In Response to Re: Engaged as a sophmore:
    Oh, and please don't get married just to have sex. That's a really really really bad reason to rush into an engagement and marriage.
    Posted by dragonwagon

    I'm glad someone else sees this! I bet a lot of people who practice abstinence get married just so they can have sex.
  • In Response to Re: Engaged as a sophmore:
    In Response to Re: Engaged as a sophmore : I'm glad someone else sees this! I bet a lot of people who practice abstinence get married just so they can have sex.
    Posted by Twowarlocks
    Yeah, I didn't say it at first but then felt like it needed to be said. I know so many super duper religious Christians who get engaged really quickly and married a couple months later. And it's obvious that they just want to be "able" to have sex...which is lame. I'm a Christian, but I have a different opinion about sex and marriage that I won't go into.

    But don't throw your whole youth and best years of your life away because you want to have some holy sex. It's not all that it's cracked up to be anyway. It's putting the carriage before the horse.
    Wedding Countdown Ticker
  • I had a very strict rule between myself and my FI about waiting for my senior year of college to get engaged, but I'm going to offer emplatatis some support here. It isn't anybody's position to tell her that she will regret this decision. Don't forget that many of us in our 20's are subject to the same scrutiny from those older than us as well. Yes, you need to grow and find yourself, etc, and you being engaged is part of that. No matter what happens it is your experience and your decision and you will learn something about yourself through that process.

    Also, no matter how young you are people will say you need to grow, find yourself, etc. Who is to say that you can't grow with your fiancee/husband? It really depends on the person. I had many boyfriends who tried to squash who I was and couldn't deal with changes that I went through. FI and I have seen eachother grow and change and have helped and supported eachother along the way.
    Anniversary Birthday
  • Being in your 20s is a LOT different than being 14 or 15.  Making permanent (or assumed to be permanent) and life changing decisions at such a young age is hard no matter what.  She has the rest of her life to get engaged and get married, don't see the need to rush it!
  • In Response to Re: Engaged as a sophmore:
    Well, if it's necessary, I have no problem with getting a job, but as of now, the plan is to get married on the November after I graduate and then we'll be moving to Texas and I'll be a homemaker.
    I haven't finished reading the rest of the thread, and I know you didn't come for opinions but I think you should consider taking night classes at a local community college once you get to Texas. You never know what lies ahead and you may one day need some sort of degree past a high school diploma and I can tell you it will be WAY easier to get one before having kids (which I'm assuming you both want). 
  • TheValidatorTheValidator
    10 Comments
    member
    edited December 2011
    I think all of these girls are jealous that they didn't find the love of their lives while so young!!! Mr. Validator and I got engaged when I was 15 (he was 43) and now seventeen years and three other sister wives later we couldn't be happier!!! I'd give you more praise but I need to prepare myself for the bi-monthly celestial joining of our sex organs (for procreation--giving life to our eleventh spirit baby, not enjoyment)!!!


    ETA: Exclamation points!!! Must have dropped the ball!!!
    image
  • thejucheideathejucheidea East Nashville, Tennessee
    Tenth Anniversary 2500 Comments 500 Love Its First Answer
    member
    In Response to Re: Engaged as a sophmore:
    I think all of these girls are jealous that they didn't find the love of their lives while so young!!! Mr. Validator and I got engaged when I was 15 (he was 43) and now seventeen years and three other sister wives later we couldn't be happier!!! I'd give you more praise but I need to prepare myself for the bi-monthly celestial joining of our sex organs (for procreation--giving life to our eleventh spirit baby, not enjoyment)!!! ETA: Exclamation points!!! Must have dropped the ball!!!
    Posted by TheValidator
    I love you.

  • In Response to Re: Engaged as a sophmore:
    I think all of these girls are jealous that they didn't find the love of their lives while so young!!! Mr. Validator and I got engaged when I was 15 (he was 43) and now seventeen years and three other sister wives later we couldn't be happier!!! I'd give you more praise but I need to prepare myself for the bi-monthly celestial joining of our sex organs (for procreation--giving life to our eleventh spirit baby, not enjoyment)!!! ETA: Exclamation points!!! Must have dropped the ball!!!
    Posted by TheValidator
    Does anyone else see anything wrong with this??????!!!! None of us are jealous! People can find who they are meant to be with at that age but that doesn't mean getting engaged. And some people needed time to find ourselves and are thankful for finding that special someone later in life. and you getting engaged to a guy who is 43, you 15 being a 23 year age difference, when you were 15 is disgusting! I'm not typically one to judge but this just disgusts me. 
    Wedding Countdown Ticker
  • typo: 28 years different!!!!
    Wedding Countdown Ticker
  • In Response to Re: Engaged as a sophmore:
    In Response to Re: Engaged as a sophmore : Does anyone else see anything wrong with this??????!!!! None of us are jealous! People can find who they are meant to be with at that age but that doesn't mean getting engaged. And some people needed time to find ourselves and are thankful for finding that special someone later in life. and you getting engaged to a guy who is 43, you 15 being a 23 year age difference, when you were 15 is disgusting! I'm not typically one to judge but this just disgusts me. 
    Posted by SeptemberLadie
    It's a joke.  Some person is posting as a troll to make fun of the OP.  No need to worry ;)
    "Love is not affectionate feeling, but a steady wish for the loved person's ultimate good as far as it can be obtained"-C.S. Lewis

    Married! May 27th, 2012

  • In Response to Re: Engaged as a sophmore:
    My H and I started dating when we were 15. We waited until we were 27 to get married. You will change and grow as people, and if you are "meant to be" together you will still want to marry one another when you are adults. It sounds like you are jumping from being the dependent of your parents to being the dependent of a husband. You will be missing out on all the experience and empowerment of living as your own independent adult. Graduate high school. Go to college or find a job and live with a room mate. Pay your own bills. Then decide to get married. 
    Posted by Liatris2010
    *gasp* You mean she should be an adult before making adult decisions?! Oh the horror!! 

    Seriously I'm with everyone else who says to wait - you can't even drive on your own yet (in most states). My younger siblings are 15/16 and if they told me they were getting engaged I'd make a special trip to my parents's house to smack them upside the head. You're still a kid - stop trying to grow up so fast.

    Oh and I'm just guessing here, but from the responses you're getting I don't think there's very many people on here in your "situation."
    Wedding Countdown Ticker
  • In Response to Re: Engaged as a sophmore:
    I think all of these girls are jealous that they didn't find the love of their lives while so young!!! Mr. Validator and I got engaged when I was 15 (he was 43) and now seventeen years and three other sister wives later we couldn't be happier!!! I'd give you more praise but I need to prepare myself for the bi-monthly celestial joining of our sex organs (for procreation--giving life to our eleventh spirit baby, not enjoyment)!!! ETA: Exclamation points!!! Must have dropped the ball!!!
    Posted by TheValidator
    Lol. Made my day!
    Wedding Countdown Ticker

    Life is good today.
  • I'm not as strong in my faith as you are, OP, but I do understand that you feel God is directing you this way. I got engaged my junior year of college, and people still thought we were too young.

    People are going to think you're too young, too inexperienced, too whatever...no matter what your situation is. Nearly all of the people posting responses here are telling you you're making a mistake based on what THEY experienced, or how THEY changed. That type of anecdotal advice isn't always helpful.

    From what you've said, this is something you're serious about, and your faith in God leads me to believe that you don't care about partying or "finding yourself" (I hate that term, haha). And the comment about you being condescending? That cracked me up because nearly every response here was LOADED with condescension toward you - I think you were just being honest.

    As long as your families are supportive and as long as you two have a plan for your life together (which it sounds like you do), I think you will be fine. 

    I'll admit, I'd probably be creeped out if I heard of a 16 year old girl being engaged, but you obviously don't have plans to marry immediately, and I was talking with my fiance about marriage at 18. God has led you down this path, but please step away from that for just a minute and think about logistics - where you'll live, how you'll pay bills, if you two have the same long term goals and plans, etc. As long as that is figured out and you two believe you can make it work, then you should be just fine :)

  • In Response to Re: Engaged as a sophmore:
    I'm not as strong in my faith as you are, OP, but I do understand that you feel God is directing you this way. I got engaged my junior year of college, and people still thought we were too young. People are going to think you're too young, too inexperienced, too whatever...no matter what your situation is. Nearly all of the people posting responses here are telling you you're making a mistake based on what THEY experienced, or how THEY changed. That type of anecdotal advice isn't always helpful. From what you've said, this is something you're serious about, and your faith in God leads me to believe that you don't care about partying or "finding yourself" (I hate that term, haha). And the comment about you being condescending? That cracked me up because nearly every response here was LOADED with condescension toward you - I think you were just being honest. As long as your families are supportive and as long as you two have a plan for your life together (which it sounds like you do), I think you will be fine.  I'll admit, I'd probably be creeped out if I heard of a 16 year old girl being engaged, but you obviously don't have plans to marry immediately, and I was talking with my fiance about marriage at 18. God has led you down this path, but please step away from that for just a minute and think about logistics - where you'll live, how you'll pay bills, if you two have the same long term goals and plans, etc. As long as that is figured out and you two believe you can make it work, then you should be just fine :)
    Posted by cebrady89
    "finding yourself" = think about logistics - where you'll live, how you'll pay bills, if you two have the same long term goals and plans, etc.
    Wedding Countdown Ticker
  • i seriously hope this girl didn't take any of these comments too personally. it doesn't matter if you hate what she is doing or think that its the biggest mistake in the world its no reason to post hateful messages about her choices or attack her religious beliefs!!!

    people can get their feelings seriously hurt on the internet. be careful of what you say.
    Anniversary Birthday
  • In Response to Re: Engaged as a sophmore:
    i seriously hope this girl didn't take any of these comments too personally. it doesn't matter if you hate what she is doing or think that its the biggest mistake in the world its no reason to post hateful messages about her choices or attack her religious beliefs!!! people can get their feelings seriously hurt on the internet. be careful of what you say.
    Posted by kolache3
    I don't think her religious beliefs were attacked.
    Wedding Countdown Ticker
  • YOU HAVE TO KNOW HOW TO SPELL SOPHOMORE BEFORE YOU'RE ALLOWED TO GET MARRIED.

    I'm pretty sure it's a law in most states.
    Anniversary
  • thejucheideathejucheidea East Nashville, Tennessee
    Tenth Anniversary 2500 Comments 500 Love Its First Answer
    member
    In Response to Re: Engaged as a sophmore:
    YOU HAVE TO KNOW HOW TO SPELL SOPHOMORE BEFORE YOU'RE ALLOWED TO GET MARRIED. I'm pretty sure it's a law in most states.
    Posted by Narwhal
    FACT.

    THE OP IS UTTERLY SOPHOMORIC.

2
This discussion has been closed.
Choose Another Board
Search Boards