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40-Plus Brides

Tradition or Not?

I will be a first time bride at 49 and honestly never thought I would ever get married.  There are parts of me that want all the pomp and circumstance that goes along with traditional wedding for a 20 something year old and other parts that say screw that - I am doing it my way!    Like I want a real wedding dress and a some of the traditions like lighting a unity candle (as for me it is a symbol of the joining of our families since we both have kids)  But I don't want a long ceremony or to walk down the aisle to Pacabel's Cannon.  Want the cake but do people reallly need favors?  Do I have to have a registry?  we have lived together in brand new house for two years.  If I need something I get it - we already have china and silver - don't need any more!

I also get the feeling that some do not think I should have a big wedding - but heck is only about 100 people and most are our friends - the reception will be more of a party than a reception anyway.

Anyone else struggling with these types of issues???

Re: Tradition or Not?

  • We are mixing tradition and "what we want" into our wedding celebration.  I am a second time bride at 46 and FI is a first time groom at 53.

    We are looking at the reception as a fun cocktail party with fireworks.  I am having my son and daughter stand up with me on my side and FI is having two best men, and the entire family (wife, son, daughter) of one of the best man to stand up with him. 

    To steal a phrase from the life is good people, "Do what you like, like what you do"

    Happy Planning
  • I was a second-time bride at 56 and NotFroofy was a first-time bride at 41.  One of the advantages of being older when you get married is that you have fewer people telling you what you "have to" do.  You can have a large ceremony or small, incorporate those traditions that are meaningful to you and skip the rest, add nontraditional things that appeal to you, and generally make the wedding something that works for you and FI.

    I would happily have skipped the "real wedding dress," but it was important to NotFroofy (whose mother makes wedding dresses), so we had them.  Our ceremony music was all classical, but did not include Canon in D.  Our cake was homemade and delicious, but not spectacularly decorated.  And we didn't have favors.

    As far as a registry goes, the only thing to know is that people will bring gifts, no matter what you do.  So having a registry may spare you from some of the more outrageous ones.  (The chili pepper lamp is a legend on these boards.)  However, the lack of a registry may just mean you get more cash gifts.  So that is totally up to you.
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