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40-Plus Brides

No Gifts Please!

This will be my 3rd wedding.  We have successfully dodged any kind of wedding shower, although the offers were  very sweet.  Would it be tacky to put a note (nicely printed, diplomatically worded, of course) in the invitations to let everyone know that we would prefer no gifts?  At this point in our lives, we are fortunate to have everything we need and spending time with our family & friends at the wedding will mean much more to us than gifts. 

Re: No Gifts Please!

  • Yes, that kind of enclosure would be tacky.  Don't register and, when/if someone asks about your registry or what you want, tell them you don't want anything.  Give them the speech about their presence being the best present, etc.  But please, don't put a "no gifts" message in your invitation.

    BTW, we did not want gifts and did not register.  We received gifts anyway.  We sent personalized, handwritten thank you notes in appreciation.  Be prepared.
  • To mention gifts at all, even to say NO gifts, is not correct; it infers your expected them.  Over on the second weddings board, we recommend that even though you may not need anything, that you register.  First, as Lisa mentioned above, you'll still recieve gifts (we did, and we didn't invite ANYONE, nor did we send wedding announcements!).  To not register just makes it more difficult for your guests to figure out what you want or need.  I'm sure you can use an upgrade of at least a couple of things.  My cuisinart was about to fall apart, so I registered for that, and for some towels and sheets; mine were getting worn out. 
    image Don't mess with the old dogs; age and treachery will always overcome youth and skill! BS and brilliance only come with age and experience.
  • The other possibility is a charity registration--that is link to a charity that people can donate to in your name.
  • This was my first wedding, but I have a tiny house, my (now) husband and I have everything we need (and more) and I just started to get all panicky when I thought about the avalanche of stuff we'd get if we accepted gifts.  I did exactly what some of the posters suggested.  I did not register.  When asked, I said, "that's so sweet of you to ask -- we aren't registered -- oh my gosh, we have everything and I know that the amount of time and planning that it takes to come to an out-of-town wedding is asking a lot of our guests already.  We're just thrilled people are coming and are looking so forward to seeing you!" (and I meant it).  My husband was less subtle and sent a message to his male friends saying, "I understand from my lovely fiancee that this is a horrible breach of ettiquette, but we just want you to be there -- please, no gifts".  I was a little irritated that he did that, but in any case, both approaches worked.  Some of my family and very old family friends gave us checks, which we used for specific things on our honeymoon (a dinner here, a stay at a hotel there) and thanked them for very specifically.  Everyone else got a thank you note for coming.  I only had one or two people give me gifts and they were small heartfelt tokens, which I appreciated. 

    I toyed with the idea of registering for a charity, but I felt that was just essentially telling everyone to donate to my own pet charity.  I did tell people that if theyfelt absolutely compelled, that my husband and I are both animal lovers and that my mother is a cancer survivor treated at hospital x and those were charities that were meaningful to us.

    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_40-plus-brides_no-gifts-please?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:69dea60c-2319-4015-8380-4a5cc0f18476Discussion:2bf41ba0-7488-45aa-a313-6f2846cdbacaPost:bc588bc4-14ee-4563-a02e-718f6350dace">Re: No Gifts Please!</a>:
    [QUOTE]It's an etiquette breach to include gift information in wedding invitations. At all. Even if you don't want them. Cash registries in any form (honeymoon, house or charity) are an etiquette breach as well, because they are a request for money. Don't use a charity registry in any case.  They charge a service charge.  Instead, suggest this when the guest asks about a registry:  "We didn't register because we have a fully stocked house.  Your presence is all the gift we could ever wish.  Please feel free to make a donation to your favorite charity if you are so inclined."
    Posted by RetreadBride[/QUOTE]
  • ellie63ellie63 member
    100 Comments 5 Love Its
    edited October 2012
    I'm dealing with the same issue. We're jointing two households and really don't want gifts. I'm 49 and he's 61 and we truly have it all, including the love of family and friends, the most important thing of all. I'm hoping we can spread the word graciously. My closest girlfriends are giving me a lingerie shower, there's no talking them out of that, they are adamant! And they do have a point, lingerie is something I DON'T have!!!!
  • We don't want gifts and don't expect any.  We made a honeymoon registry if anyone was interested and put it on our wedding website.  We also suggested donations to a charity there as well.  Then I put a small card with the website address on it in our invitations so everyone could get the information if they wanted to look.
  • ellie63ellie63 member
    100 Comments 5 Love Its
    edited October 2012
    I know you're all going to give me the shaft for this, I say it with a smile, but things that were once proper etiquette no longer are, things change over time. I'm almost 50 and I don't care what people think. The only people coming to our New Year's Day wedding are close family and friends, most of whom we see and talk to all the time. I bought a pack of simple invitations at Michaels and am typing up the invite. I've pretty much decided to use the cards that come with them to ask people to RSVP by Dec 22 and my email and phone text or call. And I'm putting "Your love is a precious gift, we request no other. Cards will forever be cherished" or something like that. I know that RSVP cards are difficult to get back at the best of times. But if people can send a quick text they probably will. I'm not even sure I need an RSVP, like I said, most of us are in touch, but I'm doing a seating chart by table so I need a pretty accurate response.
    jensue66leojbrambleshelbelle00Knottie1449670295
  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_40-plus-brides_no-gifts-please?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:69dea60c-2319-4015-8380-4a5cc0f18476Discussion:2bf41ba0-7488-45aa-a313-6f2846cdbacaPost:5ebf9b6c-5efe-4b9e-8402-2e7fc74099c0">Re: No Gifts Please!</a>:
    [QUOTE]but things that were once proper etiquette no longer are, things change over time. Putting registry information in invitations and asking for money haven't changed. Still two big faux pas. By the way, I'm 48. Traditions change, but etiquette doesn't.  Tradition and etiquette are two very different things. P.S. Giving someone the shaft means to cheat them/rip them off, not disagree with them.
    Posted by RetreadBride[/QUOTE]

    I respectfully disagree with you as well. Can't remember if it was on the invitation or the directions card or what card we put it on, but we put something like "Your company is the greatest gift we could ever ask for" - and something like if you feel compelled to give a gift, a gift to THEIR favorite charity would be a blessing for all."  A large percentage of people who came to the wedding (over 150) thought it was a great idea and we did receive several cards from charities where people had donated in our honor.  Truly what an honor even though we didn't want credit for the donation either.  If they didn't like it, I don't care. I was polite, answered the question one time instead of 150 times and without false modesty.

    Tradition - etiquette - whatever.  People appreciate tactful honesty and forthrightness as well.
  • i think a charity will be a good thing.
  • I'm on the fence regarding the gift/no gift... many have already made great points either way... but another option may be a honeymoon registery if there isn't anything you need for your household, etc. We are going on a Royal Caribbean cruise and registered there; your guests can purchase on-board credits for drinks, dinner at one of the speciality restaurants, pictures, etc.
    Wedding Countdown Ticker
  • We are living overseas, but getting married back home in America, and then returning to our overseas home. Any gifts we get at home in America would be difficult to transport, and if electrical, would not even work in our plugs over here.

    We only did a honeymoon regustry, which is listed on our wedding website.  We included a link to the wedding website only in a card in the invite so people could go to the website to RSVP, get directions etc.  They can also look at the registry info there if they choose. 

    If people ask, we will say we don't need anything.  We've also put the word out to close friends and family, so  if anyone asks them, they will know we do not need anything. Our friends and family know our situtation, and they understand how difficult getting real gifts would be.
    jensue66
  • Friends and family invited to the wedding always want to give a gift. The perfect solution for those with established households is to list charities for their registries - win:win!!!
    the Idofoundation dot org is a good place to go. I googled images of my favorite charities and put them together as an image and links to their websites at the bottom of our registry page of my "ourwedding" dot com website. Folk have really appreciated this so far! Let them give...they really want to. :)
  • I am puting at the bottom of my invite, in smaller letters "Please no gifts, your presence is the best present". I know that it's not proper etiquette but I've seen it done for many of the wedding's I've been to and I was never put off by the "wrongness" of it. Actually, I appreciated that it saved me the time of having to find out what they wanted/needed/where they were registered, etc. 
    Melisamm2010
  • edited March 2013
    I hope I handled this correctly. No mention of gifts anywhere on our invitations (I do find that tacky). But theknot.com has, of course, a wedding webpage template, which includes a "registry" page. We wrote: "Your presence is the best and the only gift we ask for! But if you would like to honor our union in any other way, we would be enormously touched if you made a donation to one of the following organizations we support." We list a range of things, starting off with equalityohio and hrc.org, because It's important to us to make it clear that we support marriage rights for all. Egalitarian values are a huge part of who we are, and everyone coming to our small wedding certainly knows that!
  • If you truly do not feel you need anything, my suggestion is to still register for things - but register for things a homeless family leaving a shelter and going into assisted housing would need.  You can explain this on the registry, on your wedding website, but I would not explain it in your invitation.  If you don't know what to get, a general rule of thumb is to think of what a family with an infant and a toddler need, and to also consider toys, winter boots and coats, and the like for this family.  After the wedding, you and your fiance could donate the items you get, and even bring to the shelter a centerpiece or two they could repurpose for the resident's rooms.  Believe me, that would definitely be a wonderful way to spend the day after your wedding.
    naomimabKnottie1449670295
  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_40-plus-brides_no-gifts-please?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:69dea60c-2319-4015-8380-4a5cc0f18476Discussion:2bf41ba0-7488-45aa-a313-6f2846cdbacaPost:3561e9df-dfcf-4ec0-b4e9-8a1ff2bc0163">Re: No Gifts Please!</a>:
    [QUOTE]If you truly do not feel you need anything, my suggestion is to still register for things - but register for things a homeless family leaving a shelter and going into assisted housing would need.  You can explain this on the registry, on your wedding website, but I would not explain it in your invitation.  If you don't know what to get, a general rule of thumb is to think of what a family with an infant and a toddler need, and to also consider toys, winter boots and coats, and the like for this family.  After the wedding, you and your fiance could donate the items you get, and even bring to the shelter a centerpiece or two they could repurpose for the resident's rooms.  Believe me, that would definitely be a wonderful way to spend the day after your wedding.
    Posted by Ella and Pedro[/QUOTE]
    I love this Idea i was going to put a note on our vow renewal invite but I really like your idea better.  I really dont want gift , but I also dont want to assume people are going to give us a gift.  My sister-in-law suggested I register even thourght it a vow renewal because people will ask what we want.  I didn't want to but now I will , then  give to a woman;s shelter that I love to help out around christmas.  It will  be an early christmas for a single mom.  Thank you so much<div>
    </div>
  • We are getting married in March and we have all we need. We are asking that they give to a scholarship fund. 
  • The other possibility is a charity registration--that is link to a charity that people can donate to in your name.

    I liked the idea of charity registration.

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