40-Plus Brides

He doesn't want a wedding

Hello everyone, I hope everyone is doing good. as for me well I am confused. My Fiance asked me to marry him last November with a beautiful engagement ring and i said yes. I just now found out he doesn't want a wedding, he wants to just have a quick "I do" with a justice of the peace and thats all. I want to have a wedding and reception, not real big but nice. At first he said it costs to much money for just "one day". I then said ok we can have a reception after and not a big wedding and he said yes.....The reception costs more then the wedding so Im not sure why he doesn't want a wedding.........any suggestions would be great...

Re: He doesn't want a wedding

  • Whether you have your ceremony in a courthouse with a judge, in your living room with a justice of the peace or in a house of worship with a member of the clergy (or any other variation on that theme), when you marry, it IS your wedding.  Opening your mind to that reality might help move the discussion along ...

    Good luck!
  • Hi! I just got engaged my fianc has been married 2 times this will be my 2nd. We are having the same issues. We want family some close friends. We decided to do a garden wedding reception do the honeymoon later. This is your day... I hope you find what you want. I keep saying to my self "keep it simple"
  • I think that there might be a variety of things happening here.  1) is your fiance an introvert?  My husband is an EXTREME introvert, so he really didn't want to stand up in front of a bunch of people and "performing."    2) religion playing a part?  My DH and I are Pagan.  While most of our family and friends know, there are some folks to whom we are still in the broom closet.  It made sense to not have a legal wedding (we'd already had our handfasting, but that isn't legal here in the bible belt) incorporating the cakes and ale ritual, calling quarters, etc. in front of a bunch of people.  3) been married before?  My DH had never been married before, and had NO IDEA what the costs/fees were for each of these things.  He had also never been to a prom, so I had to explain the concept of a bouttonniere to him.   He now refers to it as a "bucanneer" :-) or a "boy corsage."  

    So, you may want to have a real talk with him about what exactly bothers him, so you're not assuming something and it turns out to be another.  I would explain the fees, ask about if being in front of folks bothers him, etc.  Communication is the key! 
    image Don't mess with the old dogs; age and treachery will always overcome youth and skill! BS and brilliance only come with age and experience.
  • We both wanted small and no-fuss, so we had a short ceremony and then a luncheon reception.  Cost $12 per person inclusive, so that answers the "don't want to spend an enormous amount for one day" problem. 
  • Marry him in a private ceremony with just you two or some witnesses. Spend the  money on the rings ( which you will wear everyday of your life) and have the honeymoon you want. Or elope to a romantic destination and get married there as well as honeymoon.

    We just had our one year anniversary last month. We did just as described above and it was a first marriage for both. We wouldn't change one thing and have no regrets. You are just as married in an expensive  and stressful wedding. Avoid the expenses, any family drama (every body has one), and stress. We saved the money and paid cash for a house.
  • Have you considered eloping?  My FI is strongly considering this?  And Las Vegas doesn't mean everything is Elvis and cheesey.
  • I had the same issue, but my fiance didn't want a wedding because of the cost and he has never undertaken an event like this. However, we are having a wedding and he seems to get more excited as the time grows near.
  • ShellD13ShellD13 Can't get there from here member
    Fourth Anniversary 100 Love Its 100 Comments Name Dropper
    My FI didn't want a big to do because this is his second wedding and the first was completely out of control.  ExW's dad was a very prominent community member is a tightly knit town so there like 300 people at the wedding and he only knew a handful of them he said it took 3 hours for the receiving line and all he remembers is that they were still paying for it 10+ years later.  They were put under a ton of stress for a wedding that had very little to do with them and everything to do with impressing FIL's friends.  This time around we are doing small ceremony with our 15 closest family/friends and then taking everyone out to dinner.  Small, Easy, Simple, Elegant and as others on this board have stated I've found that what I want for my own wedding (my first) is far different at 38 than it was when I was dreaming about it in my early 20's.

    Good luck to you!
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