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It Can Only Get Better,,,,I Hope

This will be my second marriage and his first, and I have no idea where to even start in planning our wedding, Not only am I older then he is, he has a six year old son and my children are all grown. Im Afro-American and he is Puerto Rican, I want a Cathlic wedding, he wants no part of it. I cant even talk him into going to church. His parents cant stand each other, and mine are dead. So far the only thing we have in common is we both do not like our sisters, and we love each other,  If this situation was not so funny I would be crying right now,Undecided

Re: It Can Only Get Better,,,,I Hope

  • My step-son and his gf were in town for the holidays (left this morning) and the gf mentioned something to me about "changing" ss.  It actually had to do with his smoking habit, not anything to do with religion.  She then mentioned "He's more afraid of my mom than me!"

    I responded, first, by telling her I was offering unsolicited advice, not specifically about ss, but about men in general.  "You cannot change a man.  It's a waste of time to try.  You either accept him as he is or move on."

    The biggest red flag in your post is this: "I want a Cathlic wedding, he wants no part of it. I cant even talk him into going to church."  If this is truly how the two of you feel, someone needs to make a heart-felt compromise.  Is it worth it to you to sacrifice Catholic wedding to marry this man?  Is it worth him to make a U-turn on attending Church to satisfy your vision of a wedding ceremony? One of you may answer "yes."  One may not. Here's what I know ... you cannot have a Catholic wedding if either the bride or groom won't go into a Church.

    H and I were both raised Catholic.  Actually, it's probably better to describe him as a lapsed Catholic.  I am a practicing, but taking a break. I knew, because we'd talked about the importance of the Church to me and his extreme distaste for what the Church has become as we got to know one another, that a wedding in the Church was not in the cards. I accepted that, long before we became engaged.  We would not have moved our relationship from one phase to the next if we'd not already cleared that hurdle. 

    From our shared perspective, it was not something to save for resolution after engagement.  I share this because it might help you put some things in perspective -- or not. Could it be you've put the cart before the horse?

    I wish you all the best!
  • Thank you all for the advice. We both were raised Catholic. It's just when he got older and moved out on his own he ..."got a taste,of a new life style and liked it...". I'm not pressed to get married in a church, I just said I would like to be married in one.
    As far as our child, (should we have one) is another factor indeed. I want our son/daughter to be raised Catholic in every sense of the way. As for his 6 yr, old, I  will be the only "Mother" figure he will ever know and I would like to have him raised the same. Please do not get me wrong, I have NO intentions in tryiing to make J do one thing or the other, I love J with all my heart and I will respect his wishes. He has not told me as of yet what he does or does not want me to do as far as his son goes. He has pretty much let me assume the "mommy" role.
    It has however not been an easy task for me being that we do not llive together. I'm very protective of K and I still look at him as a baby so to speak. J, on the other hand...Having said all that, I will just take the horse and cart in what ever order I get it, and I will make it work.
  • Wow.  I thank you for sharing.  It helps me realize that I am not the only one with wedding drama and I think yours is way worse than mine.  GOOD LUCK.
  • Wow.  I thank you for sharing.  It helps me realize that I am not the only one with wedding drama and I think yours is way worse than mine.  GOOD LUCK.
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