not changing name...need advise!

paintme

Anyone of have either polite or humorous things today for this situation. I have been married for 3 months and did not change my last name and am not planning on it. My belief is that each women should do what they want for this decision. If someone wants to change their last name, I am all for it. I just decided not to. People seem to get really offended by this decision, especially married women. People I don't even know get really upset. I by no means want to upset anyone so even though I have hundreds of rude things I could say...well... I just don't want to go that route. The questions people ask are : What about your kids? Do you think what I did was wrong? How could you not change your name? And my favorite, which was asked by a friend's friend who I had never talked to before "don't you love your husband?"So, Any polite/ lighthearted comebacks that will squash the conversation but not be mean to anyone involved?I know...I am kind of asking for a lot.

NillaWafer10

I would probably tell people that my H's last name was something embarassing like nosepicker.... or jockstrap.  Something obviously false, but it's enough to prevent most people from press the issue.

Another option is expressing the logic thought that your career is well established with your maiden name.  Some professions, like being a physician, make it difficult to change over your license.  Sometimes it's not worth the hastle.

I do agree that it should be a choice and not just expected.  That's weird that so many people seem to have an opinion about it.... My MIL made her maiden name her middle name and then took FIL's last name as her own.  That might be another option if the comments get too obnoxious.

mgumms

I like the idea of saying his name is something ridiculous! I don't think you should change your mind based on what judgemental people think. It's your name and it's your life, do what you want. It's funny because I've had people turn their noses up at the fact that I am changing mine. The whole, "what about your family? Aren't you afraid of losing your identity?" thing. People need to just worry less about what other people are doing. Stick to your guns and be proud of yourself for finding humor in it when others would take the angry route. Way to be.

kimheartsscott

I swear, I had less comments made when I dyed my hair blue than you are getting about your choice in not changing your name.  I would tell them the truth; it's a personal choice, it doesn't necessarily reflect your views on your husband or women who do choose to change their name, and that it isn't any of their business.  You may want to leave that last part out until they press the issue, but I would say it all and then change the subject.

Of course, you could also tell them you chose not to change it to make the divorce easier.

acnahm

Haha!  I love Kim's last sentence!  So funny!  I think it's a personal choice.  For what it's worth, I am currently working on a graduate degree in science and so I am already published as my current (maiden) last name.  For this reason, I will keep my last name for science, but probably take his in my personal life.  That situation will probably be tricky, but we'll see how it goes.  Lots of women in science never change their names and I don't see why it's a problem.  Tell people it's none of their business why you kept or changed your last name.  There's no reason they should be offended by your of your own last name.  I don't understand why people take such an interest.  The previous posts have lots of good suggestions for how to deal with the situation

Beckity

I also commend you for wanting to take the high-road instead of telling all those people to shut-up.

I am in a similar situation- except I'm not married yet and I don't know if I will take his name or hyphenate our names.  Or just keep my last name the same in my profession world.

If I were you I would just tell people that youlove your last name... that it's as much a part of you as your first name is (which no one would ever think about changing just because they got married).  Tell them that your husband is happy with it- you're happy with it- and that's all that matters.  Plain. Simple.  Capiche.