bride/groom seeing one another before the ceremony

karacleland

We are getting a lot of negative feedback from venues & friends regarding not wanting to see one another before our ceremony - is it bad that we want to wait?
also, with not wanting to see one another before the ceremony we will  be taking photos afterwards -but still want to enjoy our cocktail reception therefore there will be an hour in between the ceremony & cocktails that the guests will be on their own. Is this bad?

redshoes17

We are doing the "first look" before the ceremony so our photographer can capture than on film. She mentioned sometimes it can be more special to do this in private vs. a crowd when walking down the aisle, however, keeping with tradition is also a pretty special thing. It will be completely based on your preference. It's your wedding and can do what you want to do.

I would not recommend having a hour for your guests to wait around while you are taking pictures if your ceremony/venue are at the same location. You should prob opt out of your cocktail hour and use that for pictures or pay for your guest to have some food and beverage for the intermitten hour? Maybe compromise and have a 90minute cocktail/ hors d' ouerves hour and join up for the tail end of it?

ladybug7485

We are not doing a first look. I wanted to but FI is completely against it. I think it definitely makes pictures and timing easier but it's just not for us. I know in the past other knotties have said that it didn't take away from the "special moment" of walking down the aisle at all so keep in mind that it will still be special no matter what.
Technically having a gap is bad etiquette. That being said, we're having a gap and all recent weddings that I've been too have so I think it's fairly common in my circle. Also, I am including in the programs a map of the surrounding blocks between the church and reception (both in the city) and things people can do on the way (Sears tower, bars, Millenium Park, Mich ave, etc).
Edit: our break is also going to be a little shorter because we'll be missing cocktail hour, we had to do this in order to get all the time for pics!

seventiespop

We are not doing a first look because we are more traditional.

I think gaps are very common for Chicago weddings (especially in the city).  Our ceremony will be at 3:00pm and our cocktail hour starts at 6:00pm.  It can take anywhere between 15-30 minutes to get to the reception from the Church (depending on mode of transportation, driving vs. CTA) so there will be about a 1.5 hour gap. 

madibelle

We are not doing the first look either, we want to stick with the tradition of not seeing each other beforehand. That being said we will have a gap between our ceremony and reception, it takes about 20 mins to go from one location to another, our gap will be about 2 hours, which is pretty common around us, people that are close may even go home for a little bit, there are plenty of places to go inbetween, my parents might even open up thier house to the guests that do not want to go to a bar and wait,
I think you should stick to your thought on not seeing each other, it is your wedding and do what you want, the gap inbetween will be fine, i don't think alot of people will complain.

kag0215

We are not doing the first look. I was really worried too about having a gap between the ceremony and the reception. Especially since all of FI's family/friends are out of towners or live 30-60 minutes away from the area where everything is happening. I talked to the coordinator at our reception site and she said two really helpful things.
1) Your family is not stupid. They can entertain themselves for a little bit.
2) Print out half sheets of paper that tell guests places in the area they can go restaurants, parks, etc. Set them next to the bubbles, rice, birdseed, etc for your guests to grab on the way out. Also make sure that key family members who are not in the pictures know of these places so that if they want to organize something in advance they can

Hope this helps!

nikikarabetsos

We arent seeing each other before the ceremony.

Your family and everyone should respect what ever you guys plan to do

We are doing everything (ceremony/cocktails/reception) at one venue so it makes it akward to have a gap so we are just going to do photos while everyone else enjoys cocktail hour

njohnson0330

I agree with the PP's do what you what to do...I think its so romantic to not see each other before the ceremony!  With that said I am actually dong photos beforehand.  For us it just makes more sense.  We also have a gap between!

KVMW9182010

we have a gap - ceremony starts at 3, reception at 6, different locations.  We are also not seeing eachother.  personally, I agree with Kag above, our guests should be able to occupy themselves for two hours.  The only wedding I have been to with no gap was in New York, so it isn't that uncommon.

mandybear7

We are seeing each other and doing a "first look." The tradition dates back to arranged marriages- they didn't want the groom to see the bride beforehand and back out of the wedding! It's caught on as tradition and since it does not have any religious significance, we don't really care.

People think it ruins "the moment," but the thing is, you have a different sort of moment, and the photographer can really capture that. Also, it will still be special to walk down the aisle because, holy crap, you're actually getting married then!

Figure out the gap in regards to your crowd. Catholic afternoon weddings and evening receptions are completely normal for our guests (every wedding I have been to has had a gap), so we're okay with having one.

barbbhoww

big fat NO to seeing eachother before.  We waited and it was SO much more magical.  I'm sure it is nice before, but to know I'm walking down to see my soon to be husband for the first time that day, and the last time as a single lady was amazing.  i would NOT have changed it at all!

jessNlane52804

I say to each her own on this one. I also say keep an open mind. I was very against a first look for a large portion of our planning. I gradually warmed up to the idea because I love how those photos always turn out and I love how the photographer is usually able to get a better shot of your reactions. My family was against it at first and FI did't care, but now everyone has realized that it makes things easier from a logistical standpoint. Also FI and I hate receiving lines and taking pics before the ceremony allows us to attend cocktail hour.

That being said, when I go to weddings I always do the 27 Dresses thing and look at the groom first when the bride walks in. I love to see that HUGE grin when he sees his bride.

cmstrauch

I don't see anything wrong with being traditional. Most guests will meet up at the hotel bar prior to cocktails at the reception. I don't think a one hour time gap is much at all.

thealphabride

Being traditional is very special and if this is what you want, do not let others dissuade you!!!

Although we did not decide to do this, we are having the first look and no gaps because that is what we prefer.
 
We want to enjoy our cocktail hour with our guests so getting all the family pics ahead of the ceremony. I am also not doing table greetings during dinner. I am having a recieving line immediately following the ceremony with my Fiance and I only, so we shoud get through greeting and saying hello to 100 guests quickly.

It's your day hon, do what you want to do!

PharmacyBride

Ditto all the "do what you want to do" posts

Gaps happen.. my circle (and most of Chicago) are used to them and don't view them as a major sin.  They are harder when the wedding is in the burbs (vs city) and when many guests aren't from the specific town, but overall, guests know how to entertain themselves.

FI loves the idea of getting all the boring stuff out of the way first (ie pics) and then just having fun and enjoying our time with our guests from the ceremony on.  

I LOVE the idea because I am the very nervous/anxious type.  My FI calms me like no one else in the world can.  Waiting until 3pm to see him would drive me crazy all morning... and then I may have an upset stomach for the rest of the day.  For me, this is the PERFECT solution!  Besides.. bonus points for getting to spend more of this day with FI!!!