Hawaii

After Wedding BBQ? Need Advice...

I am having an issue with our ever growing guest list. Between my FI and his mother, I think half the Big Island is on it! We are paying for this wedding 100% on our own, and I know there is no way we can afford to feed all these people. Originally I wanted a very small, casual wedding...so, I have an idea but need some opinions...Originally I had planned on having a Welcome BBQ for the approx 30 OOT guests that are planning on coming. I am thinking of foregoing that (maybe substituing for a another outing) and having an After Wedding BBQ on Saturday and inviting all they extended family and friends (that FI never talks to BTW) to celebrate with us then. Is that rude? What do you girls think? And if I do decide to do it, what should I call it?  

Re: After Wedding BBQ? Need Advice...

  • MrsNFBMrsNFB member
    100 Comments
    edited December 2011
    It's only rude if you invite the BBQ people to the ceremony and then not the reception following the ceremony. The etiquette rule is that you don't invite people to the ceremony that are not invited to the reception. If you can't compromise the guest list then would you consider doing a casual BBQ as the reception (following the ceremony) so that everyone can be there at once?
  • edited December 2011
    Maybe you can call it Wedding Celebration?I agree with MrsNFB, it would be rude if you invited them to ceremony and then not the reception on day of wedding.  But otherwise, just do whatever.
  • edited December 2011
    Is the After Wedding BBQ the reception or is it just an event the day after the wedding (kind of like a Goodbye Brunch)?  Are those extended family and friends going to be at your wedding?   I don't think you can exclude people from your ceremony, but if you have a huge time gap in between the ceremony & reception (ceremony at 9AM and reception at 6PM), the local Big Island guests might end up coming to the reception only....so you can still get the smaller ceremony that you wanted.  Then again, you can tell guests that you're having a very small ceremony with close family & friends because space is limited and people might understand.  HTH!
  • rjavarrjavar member
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    I agree with the others. It is rude to not invite your friends and family to both. Either invite them or don't invite them at all. Your idea of having a BBQ is great. Why not have it as your reception? You could limit your menu list, and mix inexpensive and more costly entrees. Sounds like you have alot of family members on the BI. If they are anything like my family on the BI, you may find someone to do the BBQ at the reception for you and even prepare all the food. That would cut down on your catering bill.:)
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